My boyfriend has a problem with masturbation?

[bexico5]

hey well I have a problem with my boyfriend. He doesn't live with me, he is renting a room in a house but he has his own computer. He is obsessed with watching porn, watches it every single day and he downloads pictures and videos to his computer.

He told me that before we got together he used to masturbate at least 3 times a day, and that he normally masturbates every day.. even if we have had sex.

I am actually bisexual, but have a stronger preference for guys, but my boyfriend has seen that as a chance to show me porn videos of girls together and stuff.

The thing that I don't like is that he tells me about masturbating.. and saying that he watches pictures at the same time.

I know it's something I am going to have to accept, but it makes me feel really inadequate. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but this annoys me a lot because I see him every single day, then when I leave, he masturbates.

I have told him before about me not liking him downloading all these pictures on his computer, because he saves them onto his desktop and you can see them, but he hasn't done anything about it.

Maybe I'm just over-reacting, because I know guys are like that. (Well maybe not all guys, but just being stereotypical here )

So.. what should I do?

[doppelgaenger]

Deal with it, like you said you have to. He is being open about it and honest with you rather than hiding it. That's a good thing. Rare are relationships so open and honest. So just be happy about that and move on. It's your emotional issue and insecurity.

[bexico5]

The only thing is that he has started comparing me to them and that has made me feel quite down. Like he tells me that my boobs aren't perfect and I should start taking pills and think about surgery to make them look like porn star's haha

I guess you are right, i just have to accept it. But i would rather he didn't tell me every single detail. Like everytime he masturbates, he tells me in detail.

Never mind you are right.

Thanks you

[lovemuffin]

WRONG! This is not LOVE! Get away from him ASAP! I have known more people who were ruined by porn... primarily that they cannot have healthy relationships with actual humans.

The fact he wants you different means he wants someone else.

LEAVE HIM!!!!!! This is not the guy for you.... possibly not the guy for anyone... other than a computer!

[bexico5]

Well basically i'm not changing for anyone and i've told him that. We used to live a long way from each other and he moved to be by me.

I accept that he could have a problem, or that I could have a problem trusting him, but I believe he definitely is the guy for me.

And leaving him.. are you sure?

Because I won't love anyone else like I love him, so that would be the worst thing I could possibly do to myself.

And he can have a healthy relationship.. we do have a healthy relationship, except this small part.

So thanks for the advice, but I would never even think about leaving him over this. He doesn't mean any harm.

[lovemuffin]

Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine doing and saying the things he is saying to you: "Hey I've been watching this guy on guy porn and it's so hot!" Then imagine telling him in detail how you masturbate to it. The imagine telling him his penis isn't good enough and you'd like him to get it altered, to have an operation.... get my drift? Where do you think comments like that would be coming from inside of you?

I dated a guy who wanted to change how I looked. In the end, he was interested in someone else and left me for her.

Also, it seems, when a guy finds out a woman is bisexual, many times they just want to use her to explore multi-partner sex with other women.

[bexico5]

i appreciate what you're saying and i genuinely feel for you. I am just going to try and make this work and if he ends up doing that, then I will run to you and thank you for warning me.

he's not a pushy person, so he might suggest multi-partner sex but he wouldn't force me, only if i wanted to do it.

i appreciate your concerns and thanks for trying to help me

[carl1222]

Watching porn is not abnormal for a man, and masturbating is certainly not abnormal. But there are boundaries that, if crossed, do raise flags. Most guys who watch porn compartmentalize the porn fantasy world from their real relationships. Apparently your bf doesn't. That's a yellow flag at least, and his comparisons are tasteless and insensitive. You should talk with him about that and he should at least stop the hurtful comparisons.

Other than that, as long as his porn watching and masturbation doesn't interefere with your sex life, it's OK in moderation. But for God's sake, show him how to download into a folder and not onto the freakin' desktop!!! What a dope!

Carl.

[doppelgaenger]

The only thing is that he has started comparing me to them and that has made me feel quite down. Like he tells me that my boobs aren't perfect and I should start taking pills and think about surgery to make them look like porn star's haha

Whoa, what a jackass. Tell him that his dick is too small and beak up with him.

[Cain]

I never understood the whole porn thing. I only watch it when I masturbate for visual stimulation, but when I'm seeing someone I never watch it because I have no need. I haven't even masturbated in almost a week.

Why masturbate when you can have sex?

[Gigabitch]

I don't think the porn is really a problem- after all, it's his computer in his house and his business. This bullshit about commenting about your breasts, though, that's a big problem.

Why did you title this thread "My boyfriend has a problem with masturbation"? It should have been "My boyfriend is an asshole to me and I'm blaming it on the porn".

[alovehangoverr]

Masturbating every day? Masturbasting 3 times a day? Masturbating after you leave? Constantly watching and downloading porn? I'd call that a problem. I have no issue with people watching porn, I think we all have at some point and I know it's used for the visual stimulation to help things along.. but if this is a constant thing and he's got somewhat of an obsession with it-- it's not healthy.

Him comparing you to these women brings up another issue of him not seperating fantasy from reality.. the fact that he'd suggest you change yourself so you fit more into his porn ideal is just ridiculous to me.

He needs to get help. Porn addiction is like any other addiction.

[Sonrisa]

oh, not this subject again...

[lesa]

I would give this guy no more of my time.

[Cain]

For the record, I think you should know that this is a slippery slope. If he finds time to masturbate right after sex, eventually he'll start to choose masturbation OVER having sex with you and you'll have a different problem on your hands.

Porn addiction WILL lead to problems. Does it just stop there? When does he start looking at it at work? When does he start neglecting other activities in order to watch porn? When does he get so enthralled with porn fantasies that he eventually cheats on you or pressures you into it?