Have a little problem here...

[ReneeA]

Hey ladies!,

I have a little dilemma here and any advice would be much appreciated for a little clarification.

I have been "seeing" someone for about one month. We had never established being exclusive to each other but we talked about it. He recently told me after sex that he had slept with someone within the last week of him seeing me.

I got upset and he told me that if I had told him that I didn't want him to sleep with anyone else then he wouldn't have.

My question to you is:

Is it ok that he slept with someone else as I didn't directly say that he couldn't?

-Or

Should I believe that if he truly cared about me or liked me then he wouldn't have slept with anyone else?

(I already posted this in the male section but I wanted to know both perspectives)

[vashti]

Males and females typically respond to either forum, just so you know.

Anyway, I think that until exclusivity is explicitly stated, one should not assume it exists. There is too much at risk to do otherwise.

As for whether or not he would do this if he cares about you - well, men operate differently than most women. For us, sex is generally tied to our heart and emotions, but this is not so for many men.

[x_Kirsty_x]

if this man slept with someone else while being with you then it's cheating.. should you have to tell him not to sleep with them? NO WAY leave him and move on

[HopelssRomantic]

Anyway, I think that until exclusivity is explicitly stated, one should not assume it exists. There is too much at risk to do otherwise.

As for whether or not he would do this if he cares about you - well, men operate differently than most women. For us, sex is generally tied to our heart and emotions, but this is not so for many men.

i completely agree. he sounds like he was nice about it though....telling you that you should have told him (which you should have)

and from your veiw..it seems like he would be up for exclusive...if you offered...i think you should wait till you have a clear head..and calmly talk to him about it..see what you REALLY want from him (whether bf..or just sex) and what he REALLY wants from you.

i went through almost the same thing...and when i found out it wasnt exclusive..it made me hate him..and now we are just friends.

he is just being a guy.... if he wants to continue being a guy like that...i recommend PROTECTED SEX...or maybe no sex at all.

if all he wants is sex...i wouldnt do that...its just putting your heart out there to be stepped on.

[Borealis]

If the relationship hasn't been expressed as exclusive, then you cannot hold him responsible. However, if after discussion and the result continues to be the same then there is cause for concern.

Borealis

[derm]

Males and females typically respond to either forum, just so you know.

Just to prove you wrong I am NOT responding

[vashti]

Just to prove you wrong I am NOT responding

Yeah, I can see you didn't respond...

[Sami09]

It really sucks that it happened that way. Next time talk to your guy so you both know what you want if you want to it be official communicate. As for what to do you cant really be mad at him for what happened u were bf and gf .

[ReneeA]

I thought about it and I realized that I was really only mad because deep down (although I know it's wrong) I expected him to know that I didn't want him to sleep with anyone else. Not to mention, I got so upset and I just didn't say anything to him for an hour as he was begging me to tell him what I was feeling. I'm just so damn stubborn sometimes. And I guess I was just reacting irrationally cause I hadn't decided what I wanted and I wasn't expecting him to do that...yet.

There were things that he said that made me assume he wouldn't, but that's me being dumb and well, assuming. I decided that if he doesn't already think I'm a psycho b***h to just apologize for my irrational behaviour and then tell him what I really do expect out of this thing that we're doing. It's only been a month or so but I really like this guy and I think it's only fair. Does this sound like a good idea?

[Junket]

if this man slept with someone else while being with you then it's cheating.. should you have to tell him not to sleep with them? NO WAY leave him and move on

Oh shut the **** up, it's not cheating.

[vashti]

I decided that if he doesn't already think I'm a psycho b***h to just apologize for my irrational behaviour and then tell him what I really do expect out of this thing that we're doing. It's only been a month or so but I really like this guy and I think it's only fair. Does this sound like a good idea?

Yes, but be prepared that he may not WANT an exclusive arrangement.

Good luck.