I don't know what is she thinking, she's complicated!

[confused12345]

Hi everyone, I got myself messed up real bad here...
I met this girl through my friends, she's 21 and I'm 24. She never had a boyfriend before, my friend said she's picky and lots of guys after her, and she doesn't seem to be a flirty type of girl. We seen each other like 3 times in friends' gathering. So I started to chat with her in messenger, text her and call her. It was fun talking with her, and I guess she felt the same way too. But one thing, she will never initiate to text me on the phone, not even a single sms before.

Then, after knowing her for like 2 weeks, i tried to date her out for the first time. She said stuffs like she won't go out with me if i ask our friends along (jokingly i guesss). Anyway, she accepted my date and we had a really great time together; we even shared drink. After the date, I called her for awhile before she sleep and asked her whether she's happy and she said why not.

We dated another time few days later (just for a dinner) before I went back for my study. Now we are like 150km away from each other. We still contact each other, but I'm always the one who initiated to call and text. I'm not complaining about that but it's just that I'm wondering why she will never text me first.

Few days ago, i called her and I told her that I'm after her. She didn't believe at first, thought I was joking, but somehow later on she knew it's true. In the conversation, she even joked about asking me to propose to her now. I didn't though. She joked about other things like meetin my mother, marriage etc. Later i told her to be serious for awhile, as I want to know what she really feels. She said, she does have feelings for me, but haven't develop to that 'level' yet, and claimed she's developing and cultivating it now. Well, after listened to that I couldn't be happier.

Then the real problems start here, despite claiming she has feelings for me, the way she treats me is totally contrary. Up to this stage, she still never initiate to text me, and whenever I text her, it takes years to receive her reply, and even then the content is short n cool most of the time. Worse, sometimes she just couldn't be bothered to reply. Even in messenger, it really takes lightyears for her to reply me, so i asked her whether she's bz, and she said I'm the one who is bz (what the hell!). I'm starting to get sick of it. I missed her terribly, and realised I'm slowly falling for her, to the stage that I cant concentrate on my revision for the coming exam. I sent her long message bout how i feel and she acted like she never received the message. I called her to ask bout it and she said she just went through quickly the content of the message and can't remember well already. But somehow, things are always a little better when I call her, we still have nice conversation though, sometimes she still will flirt with me.

Maybe I'm thinking too much, but if a girl likes a guy, generally speaking the girl will somehow text the guy right? (She never calls me as well)

I'm VERY confused. I don't know whether what she claimed herself as having feelings for me is true after all. But I'll need to believe her, because I want her to be mine. I'm slowly losing out to her games, my mind is all messed up. I even confessed to her and she actually joked about my confession. She seems happy though when I confessed to her.

Can someone please enlighten me? What is she thinking? Is she fooling around with me? Testing my patience to see how far I can go? Does she like me?

Thanks guys really need your opinions badly!

[hohol]

talk to her about it man
tell her it would be nice if she texted you there's nothing wrong with it
as i always say communication is the core of all relationships

[ritah59]

Hi confused,

I wish there were some device that could unobtrusively read minds!!!!

My gut feeling is that she is undecided about what response to give to your intense approach. That she has not really had any boyfriends before, shows her inexperience in handling relationships of the nature that you are trying to have with her now. May be others before you tried the same tack and failed, or gave up too early and too soon?

To my mind, one good way to handle this is as follows:

- Stop communicating with her on your own initiative. Do not take any initiative to make contact, either online or via SMS. May be you could even make a beginning to control yourself by deleting her name from the IM contact list, and erase her number from your cellphone.

- Reach out and make friendships with others. Given that you are young, you will have lots of opportunities to meet girls out there who are in the same frame of mind as you are.

Both these actions will take your mind off from this particular girl and create a distance between the two of you - which is what you need the most, at this moment!

Let time pass. If this girl really has feelings for you, then eventually she will take the initiative to establish contact. Or if the two of you bump into each other in person, and she takes the initiative to begin the same old flirting game, you will intuitively know how to handle it. The distance will give you the intuitive power.

Remember, it is up to you to manage the relationship. Be on top of the game, and don't be a loser!

Best,
Rita.

[meko]

You sound too clingy.

Stop talking to her for about a week or maybe she just got bored of you

[confused12345]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I called her to clear things out, telling her how i feel when she doesn't text me. Her excuses may sound lame, saying that she's afraid of bothering me if i am in the middle of something, as well as claiming herself as lazy to text. From the conversation, i also double confirmed her feelings for me and she actually said that i'm her no.1, but she needs time to evaluate how truthful I am in loving her. After we hang up the phone, she texted me, for the first time. So i guess my confusion is cleared for now, thanks again.

[Lite]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I called her to clear things out, telling her how i feel when she doesn't text me. Her excuses may sound lame, saying that she's afraid of bothering me if i am in the middle of something, as well as claiming herself as lazy to text. From the conversation, i also double confirmed her feelings for me and she actually said that i'm her no.1, but she needs time to evaluate how truthful I am in loving her. After we hang up the phone, she texted me, for the first time. So i guess my confusion is cleared for now, thanks again.

So far this relationship is being described in a pathetic, clingy, and co-dependent nature.

I predict that this will not end well, and that she will be breaking your heart because you "smothered" her.

[confused12345]

So far this relationship is being described in a pathetic, clingy, and co-dependent nature.

I predict that this will not end well, and that she will be breaking your heart because you "smothered" her.

actually i realised that too, but sometimes i cant help it. Now i think of being less clingy by contacting her less often...

[lastwish]

Have some self-control. A women like that will only love a man who will respect himself.