advice wanted :)

[heartbroken1985]

hey im new to this.im 22year old female.was with a guy for 2years & h split up with me in jan because we had been arguing alot & he said he wasnt in love ith me anymore but did love me & care for me.at this time we were long distance -uk & germany.then 1month later when he sees me he tells me he loves me & sees a future with me etc. then we argue again & fall out.3wks later we spent time together (once a wk) & sometimes flirted & kissed.Then 2wks later I fnd out he has a new girlf, who he was 'dating' while spending time with me. i was hurt,angry etc so we continued to argue,he told me to leave him alone.so about 2mnths into his new relationship i get a drunken text from him unexpectedly!he then pretended it was a mistake, that he meant to see how i was but not send the subsequent txt.we again argue as i dont believe him.so he splits with the girlf 2mnths later & we meet.he said he felt nothing & again to leave him alone.i do so for 1mnth & feel much better,but still miss him.i thot i could be friends so i txted to see how he was & to ask could we forgive & forget & be friends when he was ready.he texted back to say he was glad to hear from me,had been thinking about me & it had cheered him up.we txted constant for 4days flirting & then met.during the meeting we talked & tehn he said he didnt think he could ever get back together,i started to cry and he hugged me & then kissed me.we agreed to be friends but then ended up sleeping together.since this i have been confused & hurt & we have talked about it...we still argue becuase i am so cross with him.he has told me he loves the other girl and wants her back & not me....i just cannot understand why then he kissed me and said what he did?????can someone help

[miSSleepy]

Obviously you can't be friends with this guy if you still have feelings for him. You're both still attached to each other in some ways, hich is why you keep fooling around. texting and trying to be friends will only make things worse, so you need to break all ties.

[blue_butterfly]

I agree with miSSleepy. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. When it's over, it's over. I'm saying this because I'm going through something similar, except that my story lasted for 4 years. Seeing him and texting him and meeting him would make it impossible for you to let go. So don't torture yourself anymore. Do you really want to be with a guy who told you a few mes already he's got no feelings for you and who also fooled around with somebody else while being with you? I guess not...

So cut him off so you can heal and then move on. I'm told by everybody these days there's a lot of fish in the sea. Keep looking

[Stalin_Skaya]

Iv noticed that its mostly men that answers in ask a female. And females answering in ask a male.

[GrkScorp]

Iv noticed that its mostly men that answers in ask a female. And females answering in ask a male.

yeah.. i think the admins should make use of the (gender) feature and restrict user posts to genders for those two forums..

because i'm sure alot of people posting questions don't even bother to look at the gender of other posters.. anyway.. I mean.. i'm just all for utilizing the gender feature.. i don't see why it's there in the first place if you're not going to make use of it..

[heartbroken1985]

does any male think that this ex is confused?or just used me?

[Gigabitch]

Iv noticed that its mostly men that answers in ask a female. And females answering in ask a male.

This is because most of us use the "new posts" link at the top of the page instead of browsing forum by forum. We don't even pay attention to which forum the post is in.

I think the "Ask a Gender" forums are pointless and lead to newbies posting the same thread in two, sometimes three different forums. They should go away.

[miSSleepy]

PLEASE don't make any gender restriction! If I ask question in the ask a male forum, i still want a female opinion... and I myself am not totally clueless about guys either, so some things I can answer.

The ask a male/female forums just work to organise things better.

[squirrley]

This is a classic sign of CO-DEPENDANCY. You cannot continue to be friends with someone whom youve had romantic feelings for and expect it to stay at that when theres still comfortable feelings there. He comes back and calls because youre his safety net and youre on his backburner. That he's made very clear. Hes told you he wants back with this other woman. Id say see ya pal! He wants his cake and eat it too. Dont let him to do this you. Its not worth it.

He knows you still have feelings for him and he plays on it whether he does it consciensly or not, he's doing it. Stand up for yourself and tell him no more. Youre not playing second fiddle to anyone and youre worth more than that!

[heartbroken1985]

does anyone think he is confused or should i take his word that he loves her and forget him?

[vashti]

Take his word for it. It hurts, I know, but it will allow you to move on faster if you can just accept it.

[Tedel]

As a man, I wonder if he's loving one of you and just having a little fun with the other... and who he's really loving and who he's playing with, by the way.

If this makes you feel sad, I guess you should follow the girls' advice and stay away until you can sort things out with your own feelings.

Yes, he might also be confused about all this situation.

[Gigabitch]

....i just cannot understand why then he kissed me and said what he did?????

Because he's a jackass, that's why. Walk away. Don't look back.

[heartbroken1985]

thanks tedel.i wud like more of a man's point of view on this.I seen them saturday nite and kept myself together well but found out today he is back with her.

[Tedel]

Nah, don't mention it. That's what friends are for.