How long would you wait to report your car stolen?

[lovemuffin]

If you broke up with someone... let them crash at your place because it was late.. and found out the next morning they took your car (but left some of their belongings and their car) and they were not responding to your texts or messages after 2 hours how long would you wait to report the car stolen?

[TheEvilJester]

Hmm... That's actually a really good question. Because I kind of agree that isn't an easy answer. I mean, on the one hand, to immediately report it stolen could maybe be a bit of an overreaction. Especially when you mentioned this somebody left behind some of their own possessions and even their own car. So, chances are they will probably be back for those things and HOPEFULLY would have the decency to return your car then.

I guess I'd say maybe if several hours pass, I'd consider warning them. I don't exactly know how many, but probably more than 2 hours but less than a whole 24. But, I think before actually calling the police, I'd at least try a final effort of saying "Look, I asked you hours ago to bring my car back and you have yet to respond. I'm sorry for what happened between us, but I need my car. I really do not want to do this, but if you do not bring it back I am going to have to report it to the police."

I would think the threat of that should be enough to smack some sense into them. I'm sure there are hurt feelings over what happened between you two, but no matter what that doesn't make theft okay. Especially not of something so expensive and so important as your car.

Best of luck. I hope it doesn't even have to come to that.

[lovemuffin]

As soon as I discovered it was stolen I started calling and texting him and he didn't respond. His sisters were begging me not to report it stolen because he was on probation for previous things. I was also concerned because he was an alcoholic and into drugs prior to meeting him and went on a bender at one point when I was with him few months prior to this so I didn't know if he was drinking again in might kill somebody or something.

I gave it 10 hours (10 pm) due to the urging of his sisters. He called me at 2pm the next day and started screaming at me that he couldnt believe I reported it stolen and told me if he ended up going to jail because of me he would hunt me down and kill me when he got out. He also said he had fallen asleep in a park and someone stole his bag that had my keys and his phone and everything. And that's why he didn't respond. I asked why he stole it and he said he was angry. I also asked how he was contacting me and he said he bought a cheap phone. I asked him to take a pic of it in a mirror with him but he never did. The next month-and-a-half I feared for my life and hardly slept until I found out he got arrested about a month-and-a-half later.

Also pparently he went on a spree and did a bunch of other criminal things including threatening someone at gunpoint I think in a store and is now probably going to jail for years. His sisters have asked me to drop charges and not show up at court so he get a lesser sentence at his request.

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I don't know for sure when his added criminal stuff happened but prob after he took my car ( I actually got it back the next day by him admitting where it was)... but it would make sense that his breaking into a building at night and holding up a convenience store person we're probably after since he had no money and was on the lam.

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Also often during arguments he would say he was going to sell all his stuff and move to another country where his mother is... so part of me wondered if he took my car because it's worth a lot more money and was actually going to do that and was in the process of selling it or was in a Chop Shop.

[lovemuffin]

A couple of other things to note... One morning he took my car for coffee without asking prior to this and I was pissed because he's not a great driver for one thing and I told him don't ever take my car again without asking me.

Second thing... He did this during a weekday so that I wasn't able to go into work.. I actually missed 2 days of work.

[TheEvilJester]

I think 10 hours sounds pretty reasonable. I also think, personally, that his sisters were out of bounds and had no right to ask you not to report it. Okay, so maybe to report it as stolen immediately would have been a bit premature... but after hours of him not responding you did the right thing as far as I am concerned. Even more so given his criminal background you hadn't mentioned before.

And he has the NERVE to be mad at you for doing what you needed to do to protect your own property?! I love (he says sarcastically) that he has a million and one excuses as to why he didn't respond... yet once you reported the car stolen he respond almost right away. He's exactly the kind of piece of crap who gets mad at other people for calling him out on the stuff he's done wrong.

You have to do what you think is best for you and what you need to feel safe... but if you feel safe enough I think you SHOULD press charges. If you can afford it, talk to an attorney for advice. He doesn't deserve to get away with that kind of behavior. I can 100% understand if you don't feel safe enough and would rather protect yourself by not pursuing this. However, if you think you can, please do it. Because he should be made to pay for his crimes. You can always get a restraining order if you need and make the police 100% aware that he's threatened you.

Best of luck to you. What a piece of work this jerk is. You absolutely deserve so much better than that.

[lovemuffin]

He was arrested about a month-and-a-half later and is going to be spending quite a long time in jail due to his other offenses that he did after. I spent a month and a half terrified he was going to come to my place and shoot me... almost felt like I was developing a heart condition. Once I heard he was arrested I finally started to relax.

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Would you feel guilty that he is going back to jail? He was a month away from being off probation for previous stuff.

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Also he told me his sisters would hate me forever if I reported the car stolen... like I would care? Maybe he thought that because I don't have any family of my own any more.

Tell me he was going to commit suicide after I reported.

One of the sisters that was mad at me actually they both were and one told me I had nothing to fear about him actually trying to kill me he's not like that even though he has a salt records in his past... one of them had to take a restraining order out on him years ago because he was breaking into her apartment stealing money.

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He also owes like 70,000 in back child for 4 kids and never kept his money in a bank because of it.

[TheEvilJester]

He was arrested about a month-and-a-half later and is going to be spending quite a long time in jail due to his other offenses that he did after. I spent a month and a half terrified he was going to come to my place and shoot me... almost felt like I was developing a heart condition. Once I heard he was arrested I finally started to relax.

Well, I am very glad to hear that he's in custody now so you can relax a little. Again, I will reiterate... if you get the chance and you feel like you can, absolutely DO press charges against him. Again, I would 100% understand if you do not feel safe doing so. Heck, it even sounds like there are enough charges against him anyway that maybe you won't need to.... but if you do feel like you could I say go for it. He should be made to pay for all of his crimes.

Would you feel guilty that he is going back to jail? He was a month away from being off probation for previous stuff.

You know what? Here's my opinion on that... Why feel guilty? He was a month away from being off probation.... and didn't let that stop him from treating you so abusively.... and didn't let that stop him from committing countless other crimes while still on probation. You didn't make him do any of that. Nor did you (as far as I know) have anything to do with why he was on probation in the first place. It isn't like you framed him for something or said he did something he didn't. It's not even like you over-reacted to what he actually DID do. So why feel guilty? He was STILL ON PROBATION. He should have been being EXTRA careful not to get his hands dirty. Obviously he is the type who just can't keep himself out of trouble.

Also he told me his sisters would hate me forever if I reported the car stolen... like I would care? Maybe he thought that because I don't have any family of my own any more.

Tell me he was going to commit suicide after I reported.

One of the sisters that was mad at me actually they both were and one told me I had nothing to fear about him actually trying to kill me he's not like that even though he has a salt records in his past... one of them had to take a restraining order out on him years ago because he was breaking into her apartment stealing money.


He also owes like 70,000 in back child for 4 kids and never kept his money in a bank because of it.

...Yeah, this guy sounds like a real winner. (I'm being sarcastic. Hopefully that's obvious.) His sisters sound like enablers too. I get it is their brother. They are family. But at some point you have to put your foot down with your family if they are doing something so wrong. He's apparently a career criminal. At some point they need to stop making excuses for him and acting like it is okay. Even if it gets to such a point that they have to remove themselves from his life unless and until he can get his crap together. Sometimes that is what it takes.

But, they are not your problem. Let them figure their own crap out or else just let themselves get dragged into the much with him. Just get yourself out of the situation so you don't get dragged down as well.

Good luck.

[lovemuffin]

Thanjs TEJ...your words are helping cut through the bullshit/brainwashing.

[GLYC]

Based on your posts in regards to this, I would cut this guy out. Block him and his siblings on everything. Move away. Restraining order.

Seriously, please be careful. Men like this are dangerous, and I don't say this lightly nor are my intents to scare you, but rather to protect you.

Look at what he does to you, and even his own family. Inexcusable. This is why healthy boundaries are a necessity, don't just leave this guy/situation. Run from it.

When you're with a man that actually respects others, and is a great person. You will be so happy that you never got further intertwined with this. One life, you need to pick who you spend your time around wisely, as this does affect your quality of life as well.

[lovemuffin]

Thanks GLYC...yes no intention of ever getting back with him.