Am i making a mistake taking her back?

[wondering3]

Last april i met a girl at school, and it just so happened she was from the town next to mine also. We started hanging out and when we got back from college, continued to hang out and ended up dating. I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. I was in a 4 year relationship that i had gotten out of about 6 months before i met this new girl and the feelings i had in the previous relationship didnt come close to the ones i felt this summer. Anyway, we started dating in may. Around july, she started to hang out wit her friends more and more; to the point where she would blow me off night after night to hang out with her 2 girl friends and 2 guys. They went out a lot together, and she became really good friends with one of the guys; close to the point that he told her that he had a lot of feelings for her.(i had no idea any of this was happening) after three weeks of getting blown of constantly, i told her if it didnt change, i was done. A week went by, and she was back at. she was blowing me off to hang out with this guy again. I ended the relationship, and stopped talking to her. three weeks ago, we started talking again, started hanging out, and shes been putting in a huge amount of effort to show how sorry she is for what she did. She tells me that she has never ever done anything like that before and she got caught up in going out with her friends. What i dont like is that after i ended it with her, she kissed the guy she became good friends with and he asked her out, she said no..not that big of a deal, but still bothers me. My good friends dont like her and my family doesnt like her because of what she did over the summer..would it be a mistake to take her back and see if she is truly in love with me and isnt like that, or if what i saw this summer is really who she is?

[Ariadne]

I don't think what she did was that horrible. She may have been spending too much time with her friends, but it's not like she was going out and hooking up with other guys. Maybe she needed time to sort out whether or not she liked her friend. Obviously she didn't.

Idk... I don't think it'd be a mistake to take her back unless you know for a fact you couldn't get over that. She didn't really violate your trust, she just had a problem with time management.

EDIT: Just occurred to me... why couldn't you go out with her and her friends? As long as you two didn't act too coupley I wouldn't think it'd be a problem...

[wondering3]

that was actually another issue..this guy she became good friends with told her he didn't want her bringing me around..and she was fine with doing that..i asked her once why i she never brought me around and she got all defensive and said it just wouldnt be the same..

[Ariadne]

OH... well that was a big mistake on her part. Keeping her boyfriend at arms length because a guy that liked her said to? Hmm... I can only see two reasons she would do that

1) She had some sort of feelings for him and didn't want you around so she could explore those feelings more.

or

2) She knew he had feelings for her and she didn't want to cause tension between her friend and her boyfriend.

If 1, well she obviously knows now that she doesn't care about him like that and she wants to be with you so should it really matter?
If 2, I could understand her worry and I think you should give her some credit for trying to keep peace even if she went about it the wrong way.

[wondering3]

yea i mean, as far as i know, she didn't cheat..but there were definitely some mutual feelings, which sucks..so its not that big of a deal..i want to take her back and give her a second chance, but all my friends keep telling me its a bad idea..just wana see what other people think..

[DearDorthy]

I agree, I think it does sound like she did have feelings for this other guy and maybe was just trying to figure out things with him before she could make a commitment to you. Perhaps she could have told you a little more about what was going on instead of keeping you in the dark. I know its hard when friends and family say things, but they arent involved - you are. If YOU want to see her again then see her again, but maybe just dont wear your heart on your sleeve right away. Take things slow and go from there - if eventually it does work out and your family sees your happy then thats all that should matter to them.

[Cloud206]

how can it not be a mistake,she left you behind, her SO for a friend,and if that didn't work out she's yours again until when ?Another friend with feelings comes up ?Come on.You can give it another shot but as Dorothy said,don't get high hopes to be dissapointed.

[carl1222]

that was actually another issue..this guy she became good friends with told her he didn't want her bringing me around..and she was fine with doing that..i asked her once why i she never brought me around and she got all defensive and said it just wouldnt be the same..

This really worries me, especially since the group was one guy short. As far as you know (because she told you) nothing ever developed between them besides a friendship and a kiss. But you've been apart by my calculations for the past 2-3 months! I think you may be giving her a lot more trust than she deserves under the circumstances. I would be concerned that she was willing to put you on the back burner at the request of a guy she got close to.

Try again if you must ... but be prepared for the pain. What has she been doing since August? More than she's told you I suspect!

Good luck.

Carl.

[wondering3]

thanks for all the replies..right now, im taking it slow, not getting as involved. We hang out a lot, but i'm not jumping into it 100%. What she did wasn't fair to me, but she's been making it a point to make up for it. People do change, so if she shows me she is truly sorry, i may forgive her and let my guard down, but that wont be for quite some time.

[RdHrshyKss]

sounds like you are her backup. she realized that things wouldn't work out with the other guy, so she came running back to you. she should have been straightforward with you about what was going on between her and this other dude when you guys were dating. she might not have been physically cheating on you, but she definitely was emotionally. she didn't want you hanging out with her and her friends because it would interfere with all the attention she was getting from the other guy. i wouldn't trust her intentions at all...not one bit.