Ex texted me. What does he want? Curious

[oxDREAMERxo]

Ok, me and my ex dated on and off for 4 years, it wasn't the best relationship, it was an emotional roller coaster where he always tried to make me jealous and make me wonder how he truly felt about me.

Towards the end of it, he did the slow fade on me and eventually we stopped talking. At that time I was so tired of him, the drama, the head games and everything, I wasn't upset about him getting out of my life. I sent him a happy birthday on his birthday and he did the same on birthday, but that's the only contact we had, didn't see him since then.

That was June last year when we stopped talking. Anyway comes September and then this girl is tagging him on FB on a trip with her. Clearly he didn't drop me off before he found a backup first, that's the sort of thing he does.

Anyway, I knew he was seeing this girl now since they go to events together and post it on FB. The funny thing is his facebook relationship status still says single .. suspicious I think

Anyway we had a mutual friend's party last night and for the first time since June last year I saw him. I was dressed up and looking better than he has ever seen me before. I was talking to random people from the party, then he comes out of nowhere and kind of join the circle, he introduce himself to the people, after a minute or two I walk with some of the others to get a drink, I didn't talk to him.

Me and this girl then went and got some food and sat around one of the six tables. Most of the tables were empty, after a little while he and some of our mutual friends then come and joined OUR table, he had 5 other tables to choose from but nope, they wanted to sit at our table, and not just that, have his new girlfriend sit opposite to me and him sitting next to her again in my face. I was annoyed but didn't let it show. I just talked with our mutual friends who sat next to me and the girl who was with me before. His girlfriend was so rude, she wasn't even looking or talking to me, she was talking to everyone else around me though. I was laughing in my head at the same time because he replaced my bubbly self with this girl who had this negative energy emitting from every pore in her body and kind of blended in with the furniture. She didn't even seem to fit in our circle of friends.

I finished my food and found another reason to join the table behind us. I was chatting and having fun with the people around me but I caught him watching me from across the other table.

Anyway, when the party was finished I left without talking to him all night. When I woke up in the morning there was a text from him (sent at 1am) saying:

"Hi Mia .. You looked really beautiful tonight, I am sorry that I didn't tell u I've been going out with Sarah, I didn't want to make u upset. I will always want to be your friend and if you ever need anything you just ask me. I would like to see u happy. I thought not talking with u would be easier but I miss it. I wonder how u going. Sorry, I'll hear from u if u want to be friends but either way I'll always think of u"

The question is, what does he want? .. Knowing him the way I do .. I would say he is just being his manipulative self ... but I would like someone elses opinion on this

I mean the part where he says sorry I didn't tell you I am dating this other girl I didn't wanna upset u. What the hell is this about? I mean we haven't been talking for over a year why is he apologising for not telling me about her, it is not like we were talking all this time and he omitted that part.

I don't wanna upset u? Why does he still think he has that power over me ..

Can anyone shed some light on what is he trying to do or get out of this exactly? I am curious

[Wakeup]

I don't wanna upset u? Why does he still think he has that power over me ..

Because you may think that you are being cool, calm and collected but from the catty way you have described the other girl and the situation in general, I think that you are as transparent about your true feelings as you come across in your opening post.

He text you likely to keep you as a back up an "on again, off again" fk buddy like you were the first time around where it never worked out and you didn't even "break up" you just faded from one anothers lives while keeping the door open for him to walk right through yet again. He was shit testing you to see if you have such little self respect that you'd respond to his crumbs after just fading and never even calling it off officially.

Don't respond. You don't need a "friend" like him to keep you emotionally insane while acting like you're over it when it's clear that you are not. Everything you've said in your opening post point in the opposite direction to you being to the stage of indifference to him.

I'll add that his new gf was probably reading your negative vibes towards her and so she kept good self away from your negative aura. Just a guess and just sayin.

[oxDREAMERxo]

Sorry but I posted under the Ask A Male forum to get a guys point of view which clearly you aren't.

Thanks for the personal attack, I hope you got a bit of satisfaction out of it

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And for your information we weren't sleeping together because of his beliefs.

His family are also still part of my life even when he stopped talking to me.

Sorry to disappoint you

[John Alex Clark]

From what you've shared, he's probably not just looking to make you a back-up/fallback, but he's also looking for affirmation. He actually wants to see you getting emotionally affected and jealous because of what he's doing because it gives him affirmation and puts him above you.

He's basically the prize way up on a pedestal and you're the desperate one looking up at him. My advice would be not to give him this affirmation and just ignore the text and ignore him as well as his girlfriend whenever you can. If he insists on coming up to you to talk, greet him politely and then coldly look away and/or find an excuse to get away from him as soon as possible.

[Wakeup]

Sorry but I posted under the Ask A Male forum to get a guys point of view which clearly you aren't.

This sub forum is not restricted to male opinion even though it is titled "Ask a Male" The male that answered after me has said basically the same thing as I have regarding what your ex was up to...

Thanks for the personal attack,

Not a personal "attack" but rather an observation based on your behaviour and attitude on the night in question. You might want to take note of your actions and change that up a tad so that you don't come across as a beotch to others.

I hope you got a bit of satisfaction out of it

nope.

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And for your information we weren't sleeping together because of his beliefs.

Well that's fine but he still didn't value you much while with you to just disappear on you without word or the decency to actually end things proper.

His family are also still part of my life even when he stopped talking to me.

In what capacity?

Sorry to disappoint you

It's you that disappointed by reading what you were not expecting.

[woody]

DITCH THE PRICK

oh yes, (asexual here) born female but not gender specific. Hope that's alright. My friends call me a Tom Boy if that helps.

Lady, you already know the scoop as it's in your gut feeling right now. Sounds classic 'back up' babe realm. The woman that waits, always just reachable enough and there for him when he needs it.
Well, naahhhh. No thanks right? Indeed.
As I said above, Ditch the Prick and for good this time.

good luck

[dontaskme]

If you are not upset about him being out of your life, why do you even give a shit what he wants and the meaning to his actions?

And why are you being so negative about his girlfriend when she hasn't done anything to you?

You are acting like a bitter ex. Get over it!

And yeah, woman here but I have more balls than most guys do that I speak my mind and see things for what they are so don't give me this crap about "I posted this in ask a male section" so why are you responding?

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......FFS!

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And yeah, the girlfriend is not obliged to talk to you or look at you and same goes with you so she wasn't rude at all. She was merely avoiding a possible awkward moment if it weren't already.

[oxDREAMERxo]

I am not interested in him and I am not bitter about his gf, it was just an observation about her, she seemed miserable, not just her but both of them.

Anyway, thanks for the input, I was only curious, wondering if he has became a better person or changed but the more I think about it the more I realise that he hasn't, the fact that he had to put me and his gf in this awkward situation says a lot about how much he cares about other people feelings.

Oh well, like they say some boys grow into men and others stay just boys.