Internal Struggles

[scorpio_s]

I underwent a break up exactly a month back. It was a 3 year long relationship. If it helps I’m a believer in sun signs. I’m a Scorpio and she an Aquarian. And this was my very first serious relationship. It was me who did the dumping and with valid reasons. It was an up and down relationship but I was not worth a penny to her, during our first year she went out of her way to please me, Aside from the dates, it was gifts , constant calls and frequent visits. I wasn’t very interested in anything serious then but I fell for such attention as I never got so much from one person ever. And slowly the things started changing I was the one who started to take the initiative and things reversed.. And at the one year mark I said the three words and she said them back and voila, things got very serious I guess. But she was a social butterfly and I, an absolute loner. Her perks were going to parties, socializing with people, meeting new guys and making lots of friends. Whereas, I got things done on my own. Great at studies, better at sports of all kinds. But not really a peoples person. And she had lots of male friends but two in particular troubled me a lot during the course of our relationship. AJ and PY. I’m a very possessive guy I guess. And she needed her freedom and attitudes began to clash. I could not tolerate her flirting with AJ to the extent of talking about each others parts and then telling me it’s harmless. Confronted her about it, She said that she’s sorry and she won’t do it, but things continued the same way. And was aggravated by the fact that our dates became secondary to visits by AJ and PY. She would go back to drop AJ alone in place of our dates. Her phone became increasingly busy. And yes I do believe that it was friendship(her with AJ) at best because the aren’t dating even after me. And time passed like this and things got worse. She had to go to college, and going to college meant farewells to everyone. Including PY and AJ. They had farewell outings nearly every week with her taking the initiative like always in matters of friends. And our meetings had gone down to almost nil without me taking the initiative anymore. In our fights, she used to say things that still haunt me like ‘You are a pathetic bf’ and ‘it won’t affect me either way if we are in a relationship or not’ and this was when I had given my life, sweat , tears and mainly my heart to this relationship. With regular gifts. Hand-drawn cards. And not to mention my notes. Constant visits. Leaving all my work unattended if she ever felt sad or needed a shoulder. Entertaining her and what nots.. Coming back to the story, so after more than countless visits to her friends. (She didn’t meet me even on the last day before going off to college) as she was busy with her friends. And yes I was dying inside. It was the same lady who taught me how to love, rejecting me and my attempts to salvage something. I was hopelessly in love with her. Mainly because I had never ever felt this way with someone. Able to speak my mind. Not having to shield my emotions from her. (Ironically, she s given me all the reasons to keep shielding them from people) It was always Aj before me. Her friends before me. I asked her once ‘why do you do this’, Her answer ‘Boyfriends will come and go but friends are forever’. I think she had already made up her mind about me. But she should’ve broken up rather than prolonging my pain. Because she had all the emotional shields back up again. I literally begged her to give me more priority setting aside my ego. But I was shooed away like I meant nothing to her. I tried breaking up with her numerous times but was too weak to go through with it. I made so many mistakes like telling her friend before her. I wanted her to say “No baby, You really mean a lot to me, Don’t go” But I got, “its your decision I’m fine either ways”. And I was so taken aback that I called it off.. But what hurts the most is that people try to get close to me and I shoo them away because honestly I’m very efficient and good without too many close pals. 3-4 is more than enough for me. And the one lady I gave my all too, rejected my presence so roughly that I feel shocked. I have my exams next year, the ones that’ll decide my college and ultimately my career and I barely manage to get work done even after a month. All I have is a perpetual lump in my throat that refuses to go away. I tried talking with a friend, he’s highly emotional and a great vent with psychologist-like disposition, but it does nothing. I just have emptiness in me. I could get a girl right now if I wanted, I even have a few who are interested in dating, but I don’t want to date anyone. I just am so scared that if I show my emotions again, some chick will use me. And if I date anyone, in my present state, its not going to be fair to her. I don’t want much. Just to feel like myself again and get back at the books. I enjoy time alone. But not with such emotional trauma . I was second to my love; she was someone who didn’t reciprocate my feelings when I needed it the most. I realise that this a very haphazard and unorganised post and it may not be able to convey thoroughly how I feel but feel free to ask any details which may help you to help me. As of now, I feel broken and irreparable.. And yes, Help me. Ps-Its a dramatic my way of writing. please bear with it. Pps-No tough love please

[Boisdevie]

I"m a Capricorn. I went for her because she was Taurus and as everyone knows Taureans love it up the ass. But she wouldn't let me so it all just fell apart from then. Now I"m not sure to believe in star signs or not.

[smackie9]

You are an idiot. The stars position have changed since that hokey poky stuff was invented...it's total rubbish. There is absolutely no scientific value to it....it's just entertainment and for some dim wit to make money off fools like you. Remember, at one time people believed the world was flat.

[smackie9]

OK here's some real advice. It's a fact of life that relationships don't work out. Yours is nothing out of the ordinary. Like most relationship, they start out great. This is called the honeymoon period, where it's just you both obsessing over each other. That's why there is special attention, gifts, you spend all your time with each other, messaging a thousand times a day, etc. But it wears off, and when it wears off after about 6 months, you start to see what you really have. You start to notice that you have over looked little things that now bother you about the other person, everyone starts to not get along, you fight, have disagreements, and start to want space, jealousy can set in and insecurity just to add fuel to the fights. This just means you have no compatibility. You need compatibility for a relationship sustain for the long haul. Now as for the feelings, it's just a residual of what was, and a hope to regain from that honeymoon period, but the reality is that it is dead, and never to be regained. Your heart keeps clinging onto the hope but you must accept the fact it is done. Once you have done that, you can finally let go, grieve the loss of the relationship, and move on. It's a process that everyone must go through and has nothing to do with astrology....it's just human nature. Human nature is more predictable than what sign you are.