Sick of the whole "numbers game"

[Cyanosphere]

Seriously, I've heard the whole "dating is a numbers game" thing time and time again, but it really bothers me how big of a disparity there is between women and men when it comes to dating. It really seems like women totally have the upper hand.

For women, the "numbers game" is sitting around, getting approached by tonnes of tonnes of guys and weeding-out the ones who "aren't tall enough" or "aren't cool enough" or "aren't enough of a challenge."

But for us guys, the "numbers game" is having to approach and ask out tonnes and tonnes of women and hoping just 1 of them says yes and sticks around.

A girl and I recently ended our "relationship" (I'm reluctant to call her my "ex-girlfriend" or what we had as a "relationship" because it was really more of a brief, 1 month fling) but it took me nearly 2 months to find and meet her.

In that time, I probably had to approach and try to talk to nearly 30 women.

Of those, probably only 20 of those conversations lasted long enough for me to ask for her phone number.

Of those, only 14 gave me their phone numbers.

Of those, only 8 agreed to go out when I called or texted them.

Of those, only 5 didn't flake and showed up.

Of those, only 3 let me kiss them.

Of those, only 1 stayed beyond the initial kiss/make-out/hookup.

So it took 2 months and 30 attempts to meet a woman, only to find 1. And to be honest, she really wasn't the one I most wanted to be with.

I'm getting tired of this whole shotgun/russian roulette approach to dating.

And now that I'm single again, I dread having to work up the courage to approach each individual woman again, of having to deal with the rejections, of weeding out the flakes and so on.

Seriously, I don't understand why a guy can't just approach a girl and there just be a spark right then and there.

[Cyanosphere]

So what can I do?

Is there anyway to get around the "numbers game?"

[Raze]

I'm sure there are ways to get around it, but I think that if you want a girl, you have to get her number. Either that or get her to ask you for your number.

[Chaz3]

Man... I'll tell ya.. I've noticed as soon as a guy stops playing the game. Things just happen. I had a deal with an ex of a year not long ago. As soon as I quit worrying about women and actually wasn't trying. Women started coming to me at the bar and at parties. All I was doing was kicking it with the guys and opportunity started showing up. Even the ex came around to work on things, and I thought, why not. I even remember back when I met her, I had the same mentality. I gave her a little bit of attention but there were 3 other women that were talking to me that night too. Just remember its not a game.. And it doesn't really matter what happens if your being you... do what makes you happy. Things just happen when your excited about you and a little self centered. (keep in mind being self centered and selfish are two different things, its important to be self centered and motivated about your life, but bad to be selfish)

[Cyanosphere]

I'm sure there are ways to get around it, but I think that if you want a girl, you have to get her number. Either that or get her to ask you for your number.

By "numbers game" I mean having to ask out tonnes and tonnes of girls only to get 1.

[Raze]

Oh, well, I don't think every girl is going to give her number. Maybe you should talk to them more and then ask for their number. Plus, they could boyfriends.

[Chaz3]

Get to where you don't see it as a game and get to where you feel like if you see a girl that you want to talk to there isn't an if... you'll get the number.. (just don't try to hard, that makes it seem a little needy, sometimes its best not to ask and wait for next time ya run into them, or let them ask lol) I'm saying be confident. It rubs off on people. Most of the time if you are confident you will get what you want.. it will happen. Before long you'll be shooting the breeze with a handful of women, dating having a good time, just care free, one will show up and boom! Spark just like ya asked about, and all you did was be cool and know your a bad ass. I've noticed the spark doesn't usually show up when the guy tries hard to light it, so you just bring the matches, let them start the fire.

[NeoSeminole]

that's life, bro. Women are more picky b/c instincts tell her to choose the most desirable mate. Ultimately it comes down to they're the ones who bear the responsibility of pregnancy and raising the child (nowadays this role is shared). So they can't afford to say "yes" to every guy.

think about it. Why would a woman want you if your success rate is 1/30? If other women won't take you, then why should she? Rather than b*tch about it online, try to improve yourself and become more desirable.

[Doc Durian]

Nevermind Neo, Cyano. Just throw rocks at them, figuratively of course.

It tends to bring them in closer.

[lostinconfusion]

you can try online dating. you can hit on 30 girls in 3 mins without having to have to get up or even shower. :-p

but yea i agree with everything said above. girls are more attracted to guys who are not trying to find someone. you said it yourself, you were with your ex just cause she was the only one who said yes. girls want to be with a guy who wants to be with HER, specifically, not just anyone who takes them. so if it looks like you are trying too hard to find just anyone, no one will want you. :-\

[Raze]

you can try online dating. you can hit on 30 girls in 3 mins without having to have to get up or even shower. :-p

but yea i agree with everything said above. girls are more attracted to guys who are not trying to find someone. you said it yourself, you were with your ex just cause she was the only one who said yes. girls want to be with a guy who wants to be with HER, specifically, not just anyone who takes them. so if it looks like you are trying too hard to find just anyone, no one will want you. :-

Online dating gets complicated too. Trust me.

[NeoSeminole]

OP, ignore Doc Durian. The guy has been following me from thread to thread ever since I turned him down.

[Doc Durian]

Don't be a child, Neo. I've never followed you around, never made advances at you, and never understood why you're so prone towards dispensing out bad advice as some sort of gospel.

[Raze]

that's life, bro. Women are more picky b/c instincts tell her to choose the most desirable mate. Ultimately it comes down to they're the ones who bear the responsibility of pregnancy and raising the child (nowadays this role is shared). So they can't afford to say "yes" to every guy.

think about it. Why would a woman want you if your success rate is 1/30? If other women won't take you, then why should she? Rather than b*tch about it online, try to improve yourself and become more desirable.

How exactly would they know that his success rate is 1/30? We have no idea what he looks like or how he really acts around women. We have no idea what kinds of women he goes for. He could be going for supermodels for all we know. No one truly follows their instincts anyway.

Women have different ideas about what's desirable. I personally think he's doing fine. He's obviously having some success. I still think 1/30 is good. It sounds about average to me.

[Raze]

Don't be a child, Neo. I've never followed you around, never made advances at you, and never understood why you're so prone towards dispensing out bad advice as some sort of gospel.

In defense for neo, he has given me some good advice and I don't think he's trying to make it sound like it was written in the Torah. It just looks that way when you type it on a forum instead of saying it because when you type, it's easier to organize thoughts.