Interested in a girl who has a boyfriend, but is she interested in me?

[SomeGuy911]

Hey guys and gals,

Last time I posted here was about a girl who broke my heart last year. But this one is about a different girl. New girl, new problem. I'm seeing a pattern here...

Haha.

I'll try to keep this short and to the point as much as possible. A bit of background: I live in a metropolitan city in Canada, am 25 years old, and am pursuing a career in law enforcement. I'm still in the process (it's been 9 months) and next recruit class is in February.

The story:

Part of the police application requires a fitness test. With this fitness test, you're welcome to attend an orientation 1 month prior to the test where the fitness unit lets you try the machines and helps you prepare for the actual test. I went to this orientation with 25 other applicants. I noticed this one girl from afar. Tall, good looking, and I knew I had to talk to her. I introduced myself and we chatted for a bit, nothing too serious. We learned that we both have the same file manager, she's 23, and same fitness test date.

3 weeks pass. Test date.

Before hand, we have to go to the classroom, sit down and fill out paperwork. As I enter the classroom, I see her sat down already, with a vacant spot next to her at a 2 person table. I bolt for this spot, look at her directly, and reconfirm what I was ready know... "[Jillian], right?!" She says yes, all blushy-faced and shy-like. She even remembered my name too. Over the duration of our test, we chat some more. After the test was done, there was no way I was going to let her leave without her phone number. Since I know that she doesn't drive at the time being, I offer her a ride home/bus stop after our test. She told me she was heading downtown to meet a girl friend for lunch, and that I am welcome to join. I accept, and we hang out for a few hours, have lunch and whatever. During this time, I'm keeping a keen ear for any hint dropping that she has a boyfriend. None come up. This is good, I think to myself. We finish lunch, I leave her and her friend to carry on with their day, but before saying bye, I got her number, and we agreed we should get together at a later date. Pretty damn proud of myself that I made the approach and got the number IRL. Not something I do all the time, but there was something about her.

Carrying on, a week or so passes. We set up a drink date on a Friday night, downtown, her and I. Our evening is going fine, and then about our 2nd drink in, she mentions something about "my boyfriend". Right!? So turns out she has a boyfriend. I don't show any reaction, at least I don't think I did. I don't ask questions, and she doesn't really elaborate. We carry on with our evening, going to a few different pubs. The last pub is when her boyfriend came and met us. Nice guy. Us 3 chatted for a bit, had a couple drinks, and parted ways. (keep your friends close and your enemies closer) So maybe you think that there's really no reason to keep pursing this one for obvious reasons. False.

All this happened back in February. As the winter turns into spring, we, maybe every 2 weeks or so, still meet each other downtown (convenient meeting point for us both) for coffee, a drink, just a casual outing during the daylight hours. This starts to become a more regular thing. At a drop of a hat it seems, she always agree to meet up without due hesitation. To me, this shows me that she's independent, which is a good thing and something I'd want in my next partner. There was this one time where I was going to lend her a book, but I forgot it. The following week, I tell her I can quickly run it to her downtown. I hop on the train, meet her, pass off the book, and she asked me if I wanted to grab coffee. Of course I said yes. We got our drinks, walked along the river, shared an order of mini donuts. It felt like a date!! We start to feel more comfortable around each other, build some good rapport, and she starts to tell me some of her personal life things that are going on, or in other words, opens up to me about personal issues.

We also share an interest in photography. I suggested a few months ago that we take a day trip to this little romantic tourist town about 1 hour from where we live. She said she's be down for that. So that's what we did this weekend. Went out for a drive, walked around, took pictures, got dinner together, went for a few more drinks elsewhere etc, and just hung out. We flirted with each other in a playful way non-stop. I treat her like most girls I'm interested in, i.e, opening the car door, being a gentlemen, making stupid jokes etc and she always laughs. We have a lot to talk about, get along great, and can definitely sense compatibility between us.

But she has a boyfriend. Don't forget this minor little detail.

Since I've known her, I've learned that her and her bf have been together for 3 years. She lives alone, him at home. He added me on facebook this summer, but hasn't contacted me at all.

So what I'm asking is, what is your guys' take on this? Does she like me, or is she in a very trustful relationship with her bf where it's ok for her to be hanging out with me in the capacity? Other people who know this story say that it's not ok to be going out with me, drive out of town, having dinner together, because, to me at the end of the day, every time we hang out, it feels like a date. They also agree that she probably likes me... We flirt with each other a lot, have good conversation, get along great. The only affection I have shown her, other than giving good hugs (because she hugs me pretty good in return) was a kiss on the cheek last night when I dropped her off at home. No handholding or whatever. I tested the personal space last night, and got no unwanted vibes. I don't want to ask about the elephant in the room (that being her boyfriend), and just ride this out and see where it takes us. I'm hoping we get on the next recruit class in February together.

I mean, if they're that trustful of each other, then maybe there'd be a ring on her finger, but there ain't.

What should I do? Talk to her about it? Keep doing what we're doing? Back off a bit?

Thanks for your input!

[SomeGuy911]

Touchy subject, eh? haha

[Wakeup]

You're being a fool, actually.

She has a boyfriend. Did you pay for her dinner and drinks like a good little "friend?" Next time slide the question about a boyfriend or not BEFORE you pursue. That way you'll not be a "fool" once again.

Can you imagine how paranoid you'll be the whole time you're her boyfriend should she dump him to be with you? After all, she did inappropriate and disrespectful things on her boyfriend with you. What makes you think she'd stop doing those things with others just because it you she's with now? People show who they are early on. She's showing you that she has very poor relationship boundaries in general by hanging out with an opposite sex friend doing date like activities.

Nothing wrong with having OSF's but the dynamic should have some boundaries in place that respect the primary relationship and keep dear the loyalty to one's significant other. Whether her intent is innocent with you or not, her actions would more likely then not, cause a problem back home with the SO.

Other people who know this story say that it's not ok to be going out with me, drive out of town, having dinner together, because, to me at the end of the day, every time we hang out, it feels like a date.

Then why are you doing it while knowing it's "not okay?" It IS NOT okay what you're doing either so don't put the onus all on her.

Bottom line: Go get your own girlfriend and leave his alone.