Guys, please help read this letter. I told my bf we are done today.

[Katherine]

XXX, they don't have classes for us to watch this afternoon, so I come back home.

Just now, I sat in subway, trying to figure out what I should do next, but failed. Just one thing I really want, can we have a talk?

What is going on between us? Before we met this summer, we also had problem, but it was different. Now everything is wrong, is changed. I don't know we are in a relationship or just friends. But I just feel things are changed into a wrong direction.

Several times, I want to tell you something that is deep in my heart, but once I talk to you face to face, I don't know how to say that out. Today, when I said I see your face I forgot what to say, I was not complaining. You don't know, XXX, until now, after having been with you for 3 years (I know you don't think we are together, we are just friends, but you know what I mean), every time I call you or see you, I still feel the butterfly in my stomach. I hate that, but it's something that I cannot control.

I'm sorry I complained all the time about my work or other things that make you unhappy either. Most of the time this is the way for me to get the pressure out of me. I have to face huge pressure everyday because BJ is a city full of competition. I have no many friends here and don't talk with my family that often now, to me you are the closest and also the only one that I can trust. That's why I tell you those stuff. I know many foreign friends, they do this too, just talk to get rid of the pressure. You also came back to QD every weekend and complained about Roger and the workers there, right? Actually, I just hope that when you hear my complaint, you can tell me: so sorry to hear that. But you will make it. But since you are different and you don't like that, I won't do that anymore.

Sometimes you judge everything from your own point of view, like if people do not act or think the way you do, they are wrong. I know most of the time this is true cos you have lots of experience, but every person is different. Maybe they also have their own good reason to do things that way. I still remember on the way we went to Larry's, you said I didn't pay attention because I didn't notice what you saw. I admit that I don't pay attention sometimes, but just because I didn't see things that you saw, you judge me: you never pay attention. It was very unfair. You saw that brush that I didn't see, but I saw something that you didn't. Can I also say that? Again, I'm not complaining, and you are right about that I-don't-pay-attention-thing (I have noticed that for long time, if I go somewhere new with someone then after having been there for 3 times I still cannot remember cos I didn't pay attention. But if it is some place that I have to go on my own, then I will remember how to go there forever). What I want to say is, please don't always judge from your own standpoint.

You know this talk-on-skype-once-a-week thing is very important to me. Sometimes just watching you without talking makes me feel happy and excited. I tried hard to talk because I'm afraid that you get bored. But you still get bored. I also know I work hard to keep this relationship because I'm in love with you. You have no responsibility to do the same as me because you don't feel that and what you have done is good enough. But XXX, even if you don't love me, you still know all girls or women want to get attention and caring from the ones they love, right? So it's normal for me to want that too, right?

Today, when you heard those two Americans say they could not make progress in speaking Chinese because they couldn't have Chinese girlfriends, you said they two are very lucky. I understand what you mean. You used to tell me that I was an angel (just once when you were in China), but now I'm one of those annoying Chinese. It's really sad.

XXX, I told you today we are done. I really don't want it that way. XXX, can we have a talk? Just to solve the problem we have and, I don't know.

[Katherine]

Please tell me this letter will not full of complaints and will not piss off a guy that is very proud and think himself is the best in the whole world.

[IndiReloaded]

1. No decisions or actions when you are emotional. You will make mistakes.

2. No letters for discussing relationship. In person or phone call/Skype only.

3. A long letter like that will confuse a male. Written correspondence to solve a problem should be short and to the point. At most, a request for a phone call. Endit.

Kate, that letter is fine to help you sort out your thoughts, like a diary. But don't ever actually send such a thing.

[Katherine]

xxx, they don't have classes for us to watch so I came home early.

Just now, I sat in subway, trying to figure out what I should do next, but failed. Just one thing I really want, can we have a talk?

What is going on between us? Before we met this summer, we also had problem, but it was different. Now everything is wrong, is changed. I don't know we are in a relationship or just friends. But I just feel things are changed into a wrong direction.

This morning I said we were done. But I really don't want it that way. I'm still in love with you, honey. We need communication to solve our problem. So can we talk on skype sometime early next week, when you have time? I can get up early.

I apologize for being emotional and I hope it's just the pressure that stresses both of us out. Don't make me wait too long, you also don't want me to have a bad week being worried, right?

[Katherine]

And when we have conversation, can I point out his problems? Like his being self-centered, always judge someone else from his own standpoint(if others do not do/think things as he does, others are stupid).

Can I tell him that since I knew him, I have less and less confidence cos he never gives compliment. Only because I don't know anything about guitar and cars/motors/American politics, it doesn't mean I know nothing. I also know things he doesn't know, like painting, calligraphy and design.

Can I tell him that all the girls, even 'independent' and 'strong' American girls need attention and caring from BF? Unless the girl doesn't love that guy, then she will not give a shit?

Can I tell him that I finally realize and understand why all those girls in his life before left him finally? all because of him?

[Katherine]

Btw, he is unemployed now so that he can do anything he likes, like work on his guitar shit. But i have to work from 9 to18 and over time every day until 8 or 9 in the evening. I even have no time or energy to make dinner and all that I want to do after I come home from work is sleep. But today he asked me: did you do anything creative, anything fun? I said: no. I am just too tired to do anything everyday. He thought I was useless and my life is meaningless. If a normal guy, shouldn't he tell me: sorry to hear that, you take care of yourself, it's just work...?

He always complains that I was whiny, just tell me what kind of girl or woman will be happy with such a guy? But I just cannot stop loving him. I hate myself. Why god let me meet him and let him torture me? What did I do to make God hate me so much???

In China, many people believe fortune tellers. My parents used to bring me to a fortune teller. They gave him my birthday date then nothing. He had that and then watched my face, he said: everthing in the world is about balance. This girl has too much in her life, I mean material aspect. She will suffer a lot in another aspect. Then he touched my palms and watched them, he said to my parents: she will meet someone that will change her whole life. If she can get married before or at 25, everything will be ok for her. If she cannot, her life will be changed. My parents asked how to prevent this, he said he could not say too much because it would break the rules but he did give suggestion to keep me inside where I came from and not to do far trip in 3 years.

But I broke up with my ex in 2006, when I was 26. I met this guy in Oct, 2006 in US. Isn't that odd?

[IndiReloaded]

Kate, I know many Chinese are superstitious. But you are still looking for excuses to continue to suffer. Stop it. If you have to, get the fortune teller back and burn a $100 bill or whatever you need to do to break 'your curse'. There are ways to get out of a bad fortune (they usually involve money, but that's no prob for your family).

Find a guy who is born August 8, 1978. That should do it.

[Katherine]

Who was born on that day?

[Katherine]

Now I just hope it was because his parents' visit stressed him out and I will see if he changes his attitude in next week.