My GF left me...

[Satch]

Hi,

My g/f just broke up with me. She said that she didn't want this (the relationship) anymore, she couldn't see us together in future, and did not feel like her own person anymore. She also told me that she did not love me enough to be in a relationship anymore, and had grown apart from me.

We were together for 2.5 years ibn total, living together for 2 years. I was happily married at the time she approached me, and I turned her down. But over time, we grew closer together. On top of that, my wife cheated on me (married 7 years), which ultimately helped me make a decision. I was 30 at the time, and my g/f was 20. She seemed more mature than her age indicated. I disappointed my family and lost a lot of friends when I left my wife for her. I made huge sacrifices, and my g/f knew that.

We had a really good time together - the best 2.5 years of my life. I believe she loved me (would tell me), and I loved her (although I had trouble saying so for some reason [I'm a typical guy]). I considered her to be the perfect woman for me.

But somehow in the space of two months she fell out of love with me. I cannot understand how someone can flip/flop like that in such a short space of time. Despite my many sacrifices, she was not interested in even trying to work through things. I feel really disappointed and hurt. I love her more than anyone, and desparately want her back.

She is really stressed at work at the moment, and hates her job. My job is moving to a new city soon, and she was always going to move with me. Despite our breakup, she is still moving to that same city, and has just got a job there with the company she is currently with. This was always our plan.

She is going through 3 of the most stressful things in life 1) ending a relationship, 2) new career, and 3) moving to a new city. Is she really thinking straight?

Throughout our breakup, I've continued to be the perfect gentleman. I've help her pack up her stuff and move out of my life, despite the heartache and pain I'm experiencing. I've also written and sent her a letter explaining my feelings, apologising for some of the things I did badly (selfish behavour), telling her that even though I am heartbroken I must move on, and letting her know that if she ever finds love in her heart again for me, I'd be willing to talk if I am at the right place in my life.

I feel I've done everything I can, but really want her back one day. What can I do now? I know most of you will say "just move on", but if I was to win her love back, what are the best strategies? Deep down I believe she is confused and doesn't really know what she wants. All comments will be appreciated!

Thanks for taking the time to read this.


John.

[Satch]

Dear (partner),


As you have become aware over the last few weeks, I'm the sort of person who likes to write my thoughts and feelings down. It helps me get through tough times like I am currently experiencing. So I just wanted to write you this letter to let you know the things that are on my mind about you, our relationship, and us. Please keep this letter safe, and read it whenever you think of me.

Over two years have passed since the day my heart found love for you, and when my life changed forever. This time together has undoubtedly been the best years of my life. This is despite my marriage break up and all of the sacrifices made, and the loss of my job. I disappointed my family and lost a lot of friends to be with you. In contrast, the last few weeks have been the worst time of my life. It has been so difficult to see the love of my life slip away. It has been an extremely painful experience.

There was something about you that made me feel like I had never felt before. When I looked at you, nothing could turn my eyes away. When I held you, it felt as if we were the only two who existed. No one else mattered.

I remember my friends and family questioning if we had a future together when we first met. My parents, (friend), and (friend) all said to me at one stage to be careful, because due to our age difference, things might not last long. I had considered this too, but because I started falling in love with you, I wanted to believe that we would be together forever. Over time, they too believed that this was not going to be something brief. I realised that you were a much more mature person than you age, and over time forgot there was an age difference between us. I now reflect on this and wonder if the age difference was a major factor in our break up. Perhaps you feel that you have so much more in life to experience.

Initially I thought why a gorgeous young woman like you was so interested in me. I suffered with terrible insecurities about our relationship, thinking that you would soon find someone better and leave me. These insecurities started to disappear the closer we grew to each other. I also used to say to you a lot that "you better keep that for when we break up". Sometimes I can still hear your voice telling me that we will never break up. But that is all gone now. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep wishing I still had you. Being in your arms again is something I dream about often.

Over time, I started to fall deeper and deeper in love with you, and suspected that you were doing the same. Our relationship was built on a foundation of love and respect. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling, making my head spin and my heart race. Those feelings were new to me, and created only by you.

Being a typical guy, I always had trouble with saying 'I love you'. My feelings for your were sure, but I seemed to have difficulties in expressing it verbally. I would always skirt around this area by saying or doing cryptic things. I would say "you must be blind" (i.e. blinded by love), and write I LOVE YOU...R HAIR on you back in bed. I think you knew what I was trying to say, but it was no substitute for telling you properly. It became a game after a while, threatening to tell me 'mushies' if I didn't do something. I know I cannot turn back time, but I only wish I told you earlier that I loved you. I really regret never properly doing so. I long for the times that you would kiss me goodnight and whisper "I love you" softly into my ear. I would always go to sleep with a big smile on my face and content in my heart.

You were always willing to support me in everything I did and experienced. One particular time I really appreciated you support was during the period that I was unemployed. I went through some pretty low times, but you pulled me through every time. For that I offer you a tremendous amount of gratitude, and truly appreciate your support. I cannot thank you more for your help and love during this tough time.

I cherish the really good times we had together. It's the simple things that make the most difference for me. Things like going for walks together, shopping, cuddling up in front of the TV watching our favourite programmes together, going out together, laughing, 'tickle time', talking, making love, going to bed and waking up next to each other every morning, trying new things, having fun together...the list goes on. These things will be in my heart and memories forever.

I regret the terrible things I have said to you. I tended to open my mouth without thinking, which was totally unfair on you. I've made huge mistakes with the subjects of marriage and children. Nothing would have made me a happier man than to hold you as my wife, and being the proud father of our children. The prettiest thing I could imagine is seeing you walk down the aisle towards me in white, about to become my wife. And nothing would have made me more satisfied than being the father of our children. I understand the mistakes I have made and am prepared to confront the consequences.

I know that I handled the situation with my ex wife really badly. I never intended this. All I ever wanted to do was keep my old life separate from my new life with you. I acknowledge that I did it all wrong, and hurt you in the process. I should never have hurt my one true love, but I did and I will never forgive myself for that.

Please also remember the good things that I brought to our relationship. Although I find it hard to talk about myself, I feel that I displayed some really good qualities to you. Remember when you first experienced those excruciating stomach pains? I was so worried about you that I rushed you to the hospital during the middle of the night. My loving and caring for you made me so concerned about your well being. My generous nature also allowed me to share everything I had with you. It made me so satisfied that you were comfortable in our home. I was very dependable for you. If I said I would do something with or for you, I would do so. I never like to let anyone down. As I've already mentioned, we had some really fun times. Having fun is one of the qualities I liked to share the most with you. I have never lied to you, and being honest with the people I love is the only thing I can do. I have never put on a front to you, as I believe that being genuine and sincere are two of the most important things in a relationship. I am always well presented, and this was a trait that you liked in me. I was always interested in what you had to say and were doing. You were fond of my personality, and the humour I displayed constantly. I found with tremendous joy that it was easy for me to make you laugh and smile.

I've read a lot of information on relationships over the past few weeks, and found that one of the most important aspects is communication. We had love, caring, trust, honesty, loyalty and attraction in our relationship, but perhaps the thing that was missing was communication. I was lousy at telling you how I felt, and you seemed to have trouble telling me towards the end. This may have been the ultimate cause of our break up, and I sincerely apologise for not communicating my feelings with you more often.

I consider you as being the perfect woman for me. There is honestly nothing about you that I did not like. You are a very loving, caring, honest, loyal, and trustworthy person. You are exceptionally attractive in terms of physical beauty, to the point where I would quietly go weak at the knees every time you entered the room. As well as your obvious outer beauty, I was also really attracted to your inner beauty. I could see things in you that no one else could. My deep love for you made this more obvious. Every time you look into the mirror, remember that you are the most beautiful girl in the world, because that's what I think every time I look at you. And every time I close my eyes, I see your image and fall in love with you again.

You are a very fun person to be with, which made me want to spend so much time with you. Your personality is better than anything I could ever imagine. You are always optimistic about things, which was a good compliment to my sometimes pessimistic view on things. You made me feel like a complete person when you were with me. Nothing ever made me feel as happy as when you were by my side.

I literally enjoyed spending every spare moment together with you. My workday went fast at the prospect of coming home to you every night. I always looked forward to weekends where we could spend even more time together and grow our love together. I suppose this is a natural situation for any serious relationship. I never wanted to smother you, but I loved you and cared for you so much that I wanted to spend my every waking moment with you.

[Satch]

I liked to buy you nice things and lend you money to buy nice things you couldn't afford, as it was one way to make you happy. When you were happy, I was ten times happier. I earned more money that you and was happy to share it with you. Sharing is a big part of my nature. But I did not consider the fact that I was putting you further into debt, which may have cause some insecurities for you. Had I realised this earlier, I definitely would have addressed it. I am really sorry if I made you feel like a kept woman. This was the last thing I wanted to do. My generosity made me blind to this fact.

While you were in (home), I did a lot of soul searching. I ended up ripping myself apart. Despite the tremendous pain and heartache I was enduring, it was a really good exercise for me. It has helped me identify my weaknesses so I am able to eliminate these from my life. I am committed to make the necessary changes to make myself stronger.
Also while you were in (home), I considered factors like the stress you were experiencing in your job. You used to come home after work and tell me that you never felt you got any work done due to your team constantly needing your attention. You are a key member of the team and are called on to coach others. You also carried the added stress of having to work significant extra hours during June, and being part of the high potential group (something that I was so proud of that I used to boast about it to my friends, family, and colleagues!). You also said to me at one stage "John, I hope that no one else applies for the HR role so they just give it to me as I hate interviews". I tried to convince myself that all this stress had brought about the feelings you had about our relationship, and after spending a week away, you might have come to this realisation. Sadly this did not seem to be the case.

I would selfishly tease you about other girls to get a jealous reaction. You were the only person for me and I could never have considered anyone else. I loved and cared for you more than I ever have for anyone. I can honestly say that I loved you more than I ever loved my ex wife. You were a very special person to me, and everyone could see that. I never wanted to hurt my love, and it kills me that I did.

I grew to know and love your family, and was really looking forward to the day I was part of your family. It seems as if I have blown my chance, and I sincerely regret this.

It is rare to ever come across someone that you think is your soul mate, but I truly believed that you were this person and we were destined to spend the rest of our lives together. My belief is still there, but accept that you do not feel the same way about me. It makes me feel gloomy that I have found someone that I really want to spend the rest of my life with, but that person does not feel the same way about me. Even if your heart can never love me again, I would like you to remember that I love you, and I will never be the same without you. You've touched my soul as no one ever will, and my heart will always relive the moments that we've shared together.

They say that everyone has an angel. I'm convinced that you were my angel. You were always there to guide me through the good times and bad. You were always the bright light at the end of my dark tunnel. I never thought anyone could be so perfect until I met you and fell in love with you. This comes from the depths of my heart.

The absence of you in my life has proven to be a very difficult thing for me to come to terms with. You were the biggest part of my life, and now that has disappeared leaving a large hole in my life. I feel empty and without purpose. You meant that much to me. I know over time I will grow stronger again, but will always look back at our relationship with fondness.

(partner), you were my lover and my best friend. I am exceptionally sad that I have lost my lover, but hope that I have not lost my best friend too. I really hope that we can remain friends, and continue to talk and do things together as friends do. This will obviously become harder over time as we move into new relationships, but you will always have a special place in my heart. No one could ever occupy the place that you hold in my heart. That place is yours forever.

I love you with all my heart (partner), and only want you to have the best out of life. If that best does not include me, then so be it. This is a testament to my unconditional love for you. I must now get on with my life, but will never forget the precious time we have spent together

I pray for the day that your heart remembers me again, and the flame you held for me re-ignites. If you ever feel you've made the wrong decision to end our very special relationship, please let me know. If I am at the right stage of my life, I would work really hard to overcome the issues so we are able to build an even stronger bond. With each golden sunrise, I dream that it brings us one day closer to being back together again.

Take care, and please keep in touch.

Always thinking of you,

[Sami09]

wow dated this girl for 2 years and now finding out that is over it must really hurt you were marriage before dating her and took the risk and i guess it back fired. i dont have advice really but i wish you all the best. I myself is 20 only have one guy in my life that i dated now for 15 months meaning a 1 yrs and 3 months if it ended i would be so sad because i honestly love him . good luck trying to win her back i guess be sweet to her and treat her and just to be her friend i guess

[Metalhead6six6]

Oh my God. Those letters are very nice. Well, I guess if you will be hanging out with her, just act yourself, be the person she fell in love with, make her reallize what will be gone, get her back! Best of luck to you, friend, let me know what happens!

[Satch]

Thanks for the encouragement Metal. I took a long time to craft the letter (there is only one - I had to split it into two parts in order to post it here), and made sure that there was nothing too confrontational in it (except for the real FACT that I did disappoint my family and lose a lot of friends when I left my wife to be with her). I also had a couple of buddies proof it, and they suggested only minor changes.

I hope it has touched her, and makes her think about things. Maybe only in the long term. I've spoken to her a couple of times since, but she has never mentioned the letter. I hope that is not a bad sign...

[bivio]

Man that was a lovely letter.

Very honest gentleman. I hope I can have the same respect you show in my love life.

I'm no girl but I think a girl doesn't like to see a man break down. Keep belief and try to stay strong. This may sound harsh but just be yourself and let her see the man she had move on

[BillyGalbreath]

omg dude... reading this letter made me ****ing cry...

beautiful...

[Satch]

Thanks for the feedback on my letter, bivio and Billy. Although I spent days writing this letter, it came directly from my heart. I just hope it hasn't scared her off more, but gives her something to think about longer term.

I'd be really keen to get some comments from females about my letter too. Any of you ladies care to tell me what you think? I would really appreciate it as I do not really have any female 'friends'.

[Rach]

That was a very heart-felt letter! Shows how much you really do care about her! But, being as she's so young, she may think she loves but is not sure because she IS younger and a little less experienced. You were already married once, where as she was not...correct?

Give her some time to think, but don't give her the rest of your life to make up her mind. Any girl would be crazy not to go back to a guy who puts all his feelings out on the line, and a marriage out in the past! You are obviously deeply, truly in love with her. I hope she can also see that...

I hope she comes to her senses soon! Keep us posted though!

[Satch]

Thanks Rach. I do care so much. I'm caught between giving her space (nc rule) and wanting her to remember I am here. My buddies all say that she will not forget me, but my heart is scared.

She has not been married, but does want to get married one day. When she is older. I close my eyes sometimes and imagine her walking down the aisle towards me. It gives me goosebumps.

Is there a time that I should tell her about my feelings again? Like 3 months down the track or something? I don't want to give this one up easily, but I also don't want to scare her off for good (or look like a stalker!!!)

[Rach]

Well, every person is different...I don't know what to tell you there. Just do what you think is best. If you love her that much, you should fight for her. Even if in the long run you still happen to lose her, at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything that you could to save the relationship and to show her you did love her.

Good luck with everything! I know how hard it can be, was in the same type situation a little bit ago. :-/

[Satch]

Rach - were you the dumper or dumpee? How did it end up?

I feel my strategy should be to call her once every week or two and have a light chat. Nothing about my feelings, but just to let her know that I am there for her. Does this sound sensible?

[Rach]

I was the dumper. It was just something I needed to do, we weren't clicking anymore. Sure I missed him, and sure I still liked him little (notice I didn't say love at the time). Anyway, he did try to get me back a few times...actually a lot of times. I decided to give it another shot. I figured he if he could waste so much time and energy on me why not try it again?

It lasted for about another year after we recognized our differences and made things right. I think I didn't want to see how much I really did love him because of all out differences at the time. BUT then he cheated. (Don't know if it was to get back at me or not?) But I left him again and then never went back.

So, it can have many different outcomes...

Call her a few times, or get tickets to her favorite sports team or music group. (Don't spend too much though in case she does happen to not want to go, and make sure if you do buy them it's something you can drag a friend with to.) Just have some fun with it. It's hard to say really though, cause I really don't know either of you personally.

But if she stays very cold and/or distant, I would say that's not a good sign. But, all you can do is try right?

[Satch]

What did he do/say to get you to give him another chance? My ex told me out of the blue one day that she was no longer happy, and didn't love me anymore. She put on a really good act right up until the end. I asked her, and she said she did not have ANY feelings for me in her heart anymore. Given just how much she had loved me, I don't believe this. My buddies say that she is just saying this to make it easier on her. I feel that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants at the moment. I'm hoping that she will realise that we were meant to be together, soon.

And she has not gone cold on me. When we do talk/email, we still communicate warmly (without 'love' feelings of course). I've asked her out for lunch a couple of times, but she has declined both times. First time she said that it was too soon, and the second time was because she was too busy at work. She did say that we would 'do lunch' at some stage. I'd also love to take her to the movies. Not sure if that will ever happen though... :(