Day 16 of NC and she contacts me...

[DonkeyKong]

...but not about anything relating to us. She saw that I'd posted on a friend's Facebook page that I missed her (the friend - she's away at Air Force training) and she needs to come back and visit soon! Anyway my ex saw that and sends me a private FB message saying that she (the friend) will be back for a while in a few weeks. Now, I appreciate the knowledge, because I do miss this friend and I didn't know that...but I'm not really sure how to feel about my ex contacting me when she knows she's not supposed to.

Anyway I didn't respond, and honestly I feel totally fine about that. I just thought I'd share and see if anybody on here has any thoughts.

[Doc Durian]

She's trying to open up a pathway of communication.

Whether that's for her sense of break up self (without you in the mix), your future relationship's benefit aka... establishing contact/context, or because she has no option other than contacting you about mutual friends after you've just broken up because she cares about your personal relationships....

...or she just wants TO TALK TO YOU WITHOUT COMMITTING BECAUSE SHE IS STILL HUNG UP ON THE DREAMS YOU ONCE HAD.... hard to say....

This is why social networking is so wrong. It's bad enough that the CIA has invested in it... but when your own personal situations take a hit.... it's all pear shaped and sour.

[dre760]

Yeah man this has been my situation for the past few weeks. Ex will contact me out of the blue about something random and just to make small talk. It is really hard to puzzle together what her actual intention are or if she even knows its making you think.

Every part of me wants to think she wants something more and all I want to do is to keep the conversation rollin and see if something more comes out of it. But if its just small talk it usually doesn't mean anything. Be short with her and make her miss you. If she really wants you back or wants to talk about something more personal, she will. She shouldn't have the right to talk to you whenever she wants. She broke up with you..... remember?

[DonkeyKong]

Well actually I broke up with her, if you want to get technical about it. I mean it was really something we both knew was coming, I was just the one who said it. I knew she was torn between me and another guy when we were on break, but I started to realize she wasn't really torn at all, that she wanted to try being with him, and I was the only thing holding her back. So I let her go. Currently we are still friends, but I have no illusions of getting back together. If it happens, great, but I'm not holding my breath. I do find it a little odd though that she chooses today to contact me, seeing as tomorrow she's leaving on a trip out of state to go meet the guy for the first time ever. I really don't know what her motivation is behind making that contact, and maybe it's nothing, maybe it's just as simple as her letting me know something about a mutual friend. But either way, if she is using it as a way to test the waters, she'll get a pretty clear answer since I'm not responding at all. It's not that I don't want to talk to her at all, it's just that I feel like I need at least a month of NC in order to get my head in the right place to move on so I'm not continually hoping for something more than friendship from her.

[cmacattack1]

There's no timetable for it. You will need as much time as you will need, and usually her interuptions will prolong that time. You take it one day at a time, and when you feel like you are ready, you will know.

[DonkeyKong]

So today's the day she leaves on her trip to go meet Mr. New Guy. I'm doing fine with it now, I just hope I don't spend the whole weekend thinking about it and wondering what they're doing and how it's going and all that. It also really sucks because one of our good friends is going with her, and he's one of only two or three friends who's actually been responding when I try to get together with people lately, thus limiting my options for going out with friends to distract myself. Plus I don't know if I ever mentioned this but I work with her parents. Like, not just at the same company, but I work LITERALLY side by side with her dad, who's a cool guy, but it just means that even at work I'm reminded of her. FML...

Anyway, today I began the process of getting all of her stuff that's still at my place together, to give it back to her at some point. The thought occurred to me that I could just go over to her house and drop it off for her while she's away for the weekend, but then thought better of it because I don't want to give off the impression that I'm taking the cowardly way out and trying to avoid an awkward moment. I want to get the stuff out of my place, but at the same time I don't know if I should wait until after NC is done, since we are still actually friends and I will see her again at some point, or if I should just break NC temporarily just to give it back. On the one hand, it'd help me to have it gone, and on the other, it probably WOULDN'T help if I broke NC before I was ready...so maybe I'll just shove it in a closet or something.

And now to make things more complicated, there's this girl at work who I've slowly been starting to talk to and joke around with at work and on Facebook, and I'm getting the impression she might kinda like me...but I'm not interested in her as anything more than a friend. I'm worried that I might do something stupid just because I'm freshly single and emotionally vulnerable. Ugh...

[cmacattack1]

Well, now there isn't a better time than show the new and improved you. You could be honest and forthright with her and just say that you want to just be friends right now. Your gut instinct is usually right isn't it? You honestly cannot be at fault for anything if you tell everything like it is right off the bat before things progress.

Or you could just take it easy and let her know that you are still hurting from a relationship and I'm sure she can take the hint. Either way, don't burn any bridges because who knows what the future holds and who knows if she could be a "one".