She lives a busy life, little time for relationship, but starts to plan trips w/o me

[domerdel]

So, you might see another post from me, rather than have a super long one, i figured to break down into chunks because some of the issues go into a segway of other deeper topics.

My g/f and I have been very distant, she's going through some rough financial times and work schedule fluctuates.. she has to spend her time with her kids as much as she can.. full time single mom. Right now she's emotionally distant. Rather than be selfish and pout, i bite my lip and fulfill her personal needs, take the weight off, i bend over backwards: pick up the kids from school, lend money when bills are late, come over when she's not feeling well yet still wants to be distant. i become a self-less servant. She is my priority. I know my return on investment will say "give her time to make her children and finances priority, and I will follow when the dust settles"

Out of no where, she has a free moment in her time and tells me about a trip she wants to take in the next few weeks. Granted, her and I have not had a chance to spend quality time to each other, i'm thinking this is great, a chance to get away with my girl and spend some time with her......... it was an all girls trip. I felt instantly bummed, the effort I put in had vanished. As it's easy to say that she's taken advantage of me, her recent expressed fear is "Losing me".

I'm really confused... in a few elaborate love letters she's expressed how she will give me her all, and loves me dearly, her next break in time i'm not in the picture... it makes me feel like we're in a long distant relationship, or sadly (my insecurity speaking) am i just the love-option? the Mr. On-call?

Have I made someone my priority while they made me their option?

[SirWagginston]

I don't trust all-girls trips. Based on my personal experience, they seem to be preludes to disaster.

[Perryville]

Dom, unless you begin to assert yourself, this relationship is doomed. As things stand , right now, you are her back-up guy, and she feels no inclination or need to step up with you.

[domerdel]

we are definitely having 'the talk' tomorrow night. and i hope to avoid a finger-pointing session, but I will assert myself in how I feel, and also be there to listen.

[Gigabitch]

Yes, try not to get all emotional about it- that's something she'll be doing. If she's any kind of decent person, she'll feel terrible when she realizes what a shitty thing this was to do.

I think you should have told her immediately upon hearing about this girls' trip that you didn't like it and why. Harboring stuff just makes it worse.

[Joe Armstrong]

Take control of the situation ASAP. However in doing so, make sure that mutual respect for her is still there. You've respected her, make the point that you expect the same in return. If she responds by saying she's happy with the way things are, don't be a wimp about it and supplicate to her needs. Say thanks but no thanks, have a nice life, get up and walk out. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you the way that they want to be treated, no, ifs and or butts about it.

[Lite]

Frankly you need to speak up and tell her to stop using you and start treating you like an actual partner in the relationship. You should tell her openly and honestly how you feel about her girls trip, and be prepared for her to break up with you because it isn't really a girls trip, she's actually into someone else and is sneaking off to sleep with them. Were she treating you normally and going off on a "girls trip" I'd probably tell you to believe her. But if she's distant, using you, and going off on a girls' trip it's more than likely she's talking to someone else behind your back and doesn't want to lose your help/financial support because she's selfish.