Your Mother

[Enigmos]

Guys, need your input on this.

I have been in a relationship with a guy for just over two years. He is pretty close to his family, is an only child to his mom, is the second child to his dad (Dad had a previous relationship, which produced a child). His mom primarily raised him, so he and his mom are very close. He is a pretty shy guy (late 20s), and we are ~nine years apart in age. Family is pretty conservative, politically and familially (dad brought home main money, but mom did work out of house). I am a self-sustaining individual.

I am a health freak: I am in very good shape and am also a vegetarian. My guy is not a vegetarian, however, I have not ever pushed him to go to the dark side.

My guy's mom has joked about me being a vegetarian. It started with the simple "hmm, hmm, meat" comments at meals together, even to the point of putting a piece of meat right in my face. My guy has thought that the "meat in my face" antic was a bit too far, but I have laughed this off each time. It also has been the comment of buying me a hot dog at our next baseball event or the like, which I've also laughed off.

Here's the question: for my birthday, she gave me a gift certificate to a steakhouse. Should I laugh this off too? What is your gut instinct?

[lahnnabell]

No, that's like a slap in the face. You have absolutely no use for such a gift. It would have been funny if it was some other minor occasion, but it was your birthday. That's just in poor taste. Is there some reason his mother would disapprove of you or your lifestyle? I mean, you're vegetarian, not shooting up heroin.

I would be annoyed if a personal lifestyle choice of mine was mocked repeatedly in such a manner. What's this lady's deal?

[vashti]

I say this as the mother of a vegetarian, though I do eat meat on occasion.

She is probably worried you are a bit of an extremist with the vegetarianism, and will influence your BF negatively in that direction. A lot of vegetarians make this lifestyle choice while looking down upon others for not doing the same... I'm not saying this is YOUR style, but it DOES happen quite a bit, and she is probably worried she will be judged by you. Also, she is not of a generation where vegetarianism is common, and she simply isn't used to it. People often react poorly to things they aren't used to.

I suggest you take the first opportunity to tell her you simply don't LIKE meat, and don't care what other people do, and keep any moralistic opinions you have to yourself, if what you want is peace. You are looking to fit in to HER family, and not the reverse, so this is the best way to avoid making waves.

[lahnnabell]

I say this as the mother of a vegetarian, though I do eat meat on occasion.

She is probably worried you are a bit of an extremist with the vegetarianism, and will influence your BF negatively in that direction. A lot of vegetarians make this lifestyle choice while looking down upon others for not doing the same... I'm not saying this is YOUR style, but it DOES happen quite a bit, and she is probably worried she will be judged by you. Also, she is not of a generation where vegetarianism is common, and she simply isn't used to it. People often react poorly to things they aren't used to.

I suggest you take the first opportunity to tell her you simply don't LIKE meat, and don't care what other people do, and keep any moralistic opinions you have to yourself, if what you want is peace. You are looking to fit in to HER family, and not the reverse, so this is the best way to avoid making waves.

So, the lady is concerned that the OP is going to potentially convert her son to vegetarianism? I've never met the snooty vegetarian you speak of, so perhaps I'm not the best to advise. My ex maintains a vegan diet, but his rules for a vegan lifestyle were very loose. Actually, I think he did get some flack from hardcore vegans about why he wore leather shoes.

Still, I think the lady's going overboard with the useless gift card gift. Nevertheless, I agree with vashti about avoiding making waves. You want to resolve this issue as peaceably as possible if you want to stay in the picture.

[vashti]

Lahnna, people who are vegetarian because they think it is wrong to kill animals for food have obviously made a judgement about that practice. People who do not share that point of view WILL feel judged, whether or not the vegetarian intends them to feel that way.

I think the mom's behavior is simply defensive, and it is probably better to defuse the situation than to be outraged by it. His mom will lighten up once she no longer feels threatened.

And BTW Enigmos - steak houses usually have non-meat choices available. You can still use the gift, so please don't be rude about it. Just because her joke was in poor taste doesn't mean you have to stoop to her level by complaining about it.

[lahnnabell]

Lahnna, people who are vegetarian because they think it is wrong to kill animals for food have obviously made a judgement about that practice. People who do not share that point of view WILL feel judged, whether or not the vegetarian intends them to feel that way.

I think the mom's behavior is simply defensive, and it is probably better to defuse the situation than to be outraged by it. His mom will lighten up once she no longer feels threatened.

Yeah, I get it. Well, hopefully the OP will do as you said, and defuse the situation. It sucks that the mother can't be more adult and tactful in her approach to the OP.

I think that's why I got so heated. While I would put on a happy face initially, I'd be seething inside if someone tried to make a routine joke out of my personal choices. It's a lame, passive aggressive way of trying to resolve an issue.

[WaiKru]

Depends how tough your skin is...If you don't feel like putting up with it anymore, bring it up like vashti said. If you're one of those people who can easily brush things off, just treat her little jabs like they're nothing. Comment/laugh/chuckle about them for a few seconds, and then change the subject. This will indicate your dislike of what she's doing if she has any kind of perceptiveness. Up to you. I'd go with the latter but that's because I like irritating people lol

[lahnnabell]

Depends how tough your skin is...If you don't feel like putting up with it anymore, bring it up like vashti said. If you're one of those people who can easily brush things off, just treat her little jabs like they're nothing. Comment/laugh/chuckle about them for a few seconds, and then change the subject. This will indicate your dislike of what she's doing if she has any kind of perceptiveness. Up to you. I'd go with the latter but that's because I like irritating people lol

If the OP's boyfriend's family is a close-knit as she says, stirring up drama isn't the way to stay in his family's good graces. It would take an immense measure of self-control to continue to remain straight-faced about the whole thing. I know I'd crack.

[Lite]

While I respect people choosing to be vegan, I'm not one of them. I will never be a vegan.

But, his mom is being deliberately antagonistic. I would respectfully ask her to stop.

[LuvGuru]

I agree with what others have said, maybe the mother feels threatened, maybe she thinks you will infulence her son with your Demonistic ways (Im Kidding), this is her only son so you never know...I would work to defuse her remarks or coments(he should be correcting her comments), changing the subject is a very good way, I would also mentioned to your boyfriend how you feel about her coments, dont make it a big deal, just mention it to him. Play the good girl role for now...If she continues....Well, just let her know. I would also use that gift card and let her know how delicious my meal was...

[Gigabitch]

It's like you're two bitches fighting over a bone. I think she's gone way over the line. If you're not an asshole about being a vegetarian, she shouldn't be an asshole about it either, and if he's just sitting there and letting this all fly, maybe you should re-think dating such a mama's boy.

[lahnnabell]

It's like you're two bitches fighting over a bone. I think she's gone way over the line. If you're not an asshole about being a vegetarian, she shouldn't be an asshole about it either, and if he's just sitting there and letting this all fly, maybe you should re-think dating such a mama's boy.

Good point. It's not like the OP is stupid enough to sit down at her boyfriend's mother's dinner table and say, "Ewwwww! Steak! Disgusting how people kill poor, defenseless cows!"

[doppelgaenger]

I think this is great what his mother is doing. Classic sense of humor. Gift certificate to a steakhouse? That's ****ing hilarious.
If it's really bothering you, though, maybe you should confront the mother. My ma had a problem with my grandpa way back when; he used to call her a Yankee all the time because my family is split north and south. One time he crossed the line and made her cry, lol. My dad talked to him and he never did it again.

[misombra]

clearly you've never heard of the food chain.

[misombra]

when i grow up i wanna go to bovine university!