complicated stories

[Mekhet]

Well, how to start. I dated a girl for 6 months (S) after she insisted a lot on the romance. I didn't want to start because I still liked my ex at that time (J). Well, she knew it, and we were magnetically driven to each other, so I gave it a shot. I ended up liking her very much, and I struggled to get over my ex. Things went well for a while, but in the end I didn't feel so good in the relationship, although I liked her very much, so we broke up. And I started trying to figure out exactly WHY I didn't feel good. It was hard to admit I still loved my ex (J), but I did eventually. I wasn't feeling good in a relationship while I still loved someone else, no matter how much I liked her.

Decided to take a break on relationships, I tried to stay away, but as soon as we broke up, I started to get involved with my best friend (C). Things were very explosive in the beginning because of my duality (loving J and liking S very much) but eventually our comunication skills took the best, and now we are together for a year and a half.

Thing is, I'm still attached to S (and to J to some point). I never talk to S but when I do it's mostly about her new relationship, and to know as many things about it as I can find out (although in a cheerful way, not inquisitive, always with a smile ). Needless to say she doesn't like it very much, and we end up talking about how immature I am.

Why am I acting like this? I firmly believe all the people that go through my love life stay in some way or another, and I keep sweet memories and a tender for those people, but how can I deal with this? What is this? I don't know what to think (or to feel for that matter). I don't want to take what I call "the hate approach" (she has so many flaws you were never meant to be, she has this and that, she did this and that to you, pointing fingers and all, thats just ugly).

So, what to do? Sorry for the long post, but it's really a complicated story. And this kind of behavior is a pattern in my life. There are previous similar stories. What am I not learning here? What am I failing to learn?

Thank you.

[Blueberry]

Well maybe youre not getting any closure. Youre leaving each relationship in an unsettled way and that causes things to remain in your mind.Unless you have a good closure you wont be able to move on from one relationship to another. Although im not very sure how this closure thing works i think its just sitting with that person and talking about feelings and what happend and what you both want and then ending it with a hug.

[Mekhet]

Isn't that kind of hard right now? The first happened, like, four years ago, and S has a bf now. As do I. I feel kind of weird doing that at this time. But truth be told, I never did that with any of my gfs. We never sat and talked about out feeling in an open way. Maybe with J, but these conversations were frequent. So, one single time doesn't seem to be enough, I always feel there is more to say. More feelings to share. I don't know, maybe I use it as a way to stay close. To show I still care.

[Blueberry]

Ya well try the closure thing with future relationships i think your just a sentimental person its admirable that you hold on to the people who meant something for you.But the thing is youre focusing on their good qualities instead of focusing on why the relationship didnt work. Youre trying to keep all those girls close to you thats why none of them have been really REALLY terminated.But you have to face the fact that you cant have all those girls so the first thing you should do is stay away from S and J and whoever else is in there for a few months.After that time you probably wouldve forced yourself to put them behind you then continue your relationship as friends.And from now on try the closure thing and as i said focus on the reasons why the relationships failed and not on how good they were because every girl is in her own way special. I really hope this helped...

[Mekhet]

yeah, it did thanks. Losing the friendship is hard for me, but I know that if I would maintain it (without the time apart) I could never get over it. I find elusive ways out even I don't see. But little by little I get the hang of it Focusing on what went wrong is a definitely better aproach to the one I mentioned earlier. I'll do that thanks!