What to do now? Difficult situation.

[Parky]

Me and my ex broke up on the 13th of september, i begged for the first week and then went to strict NC. There was no contact from either of us. 2 weeks later she contacted me via txt msg, to say that she can't stop crying, and how upset she is. So i jumped in my car and drove to hers, to see how she is coping.

She was happy to see me and we arranged to see each other 2 days after that. I went back to NC. She txt me again on the day we were meant to see each other, saying how much she has been crying. So i went round to comfort her. We spent all day together, we was happy, until she went to the toilet, and i noticed she left her phone.

I checked her phone, only to find out she has been seeing someone else. A friend from her work. I saw some of her sent message to her friends. They said something like "i can't decide who to go with, i want both, but i know i can't have both".

She got back from the toilet and i mentioned him, and she burst into tears, and cried on my shoulder. I comforted her, and asked her what she really wants, and she said she wanted me. We was declared back together that afternoon. We was holding hands, our bodies were close together, we couldnt stop kissing, the attraction was there.

We went to hers that night, and i mentioned the other guy again. I asked her to tell me the truth of what they both got up to, and she told me he slept over regularly, and had sex once, and gave him the hand job once. I felt i needed to know, because i would have found out anyway, she lives with my sister. On with the same night, we had sex twice, and i stayed over at hers for the night. It was like love again. She said thats the best sex she ever recieved, and i have to admit, it was.

She said this other guy is no good in bed, had a small penis and couldnt feel anything, theres no spark between them two, hes no good at kissing, and she feels he is boring. She just said he is a nice lad, who was nice to her after the break up. Rebound? I asked her why she did all these sexual things with him, and she replied with, "i was thinking of you, i thought it was you". This sounds stupid to me.

This guy already has an 11 months old baby, and lives with his sister. He has no car, no future, nothing. He works full time in a cafe (where my now ex works) He doesnt study, and struggles for money. I was thinking to myself, in the long run, it will not work out.

While she was seeing this guy, she told me she kept crying in front of him and the guy was like, eh whats up? She told me she was crying because of me, and how she missed me etc.

Now the next day after all this happend, i told her i was pulling away, as i didnt feel comfortable, knowing theres another guy involved. She started crying again, saying that she doesnt know what she wants, and that her head is messed up, its in one place, and then in another place. She told me she loves me, and just really likes him, but every time i ask her, she has a different answer. She said she fancies him, but doesnt love him.

She said when she started working there 3 years ago, she really fancied him, but he had a girl friend and was engaged etc. (we were together for nearly 2 years).

She told me the first week we broke up, she felt like she had moved on, and thought nothing of me. Then the 2nd week came, and she said it really hit her then and made her realise, and thats why she got in touch with me.

So, today, we had a long conversation about what to do. She agreed she needed time on her own, to sort her head out. She agreed that she wouldnt see either of me or the other guy (he has the upper hand, he works with her), and that she will need a good few weeks to sort her life and head out. She said its not fair on all of us, and what ever decision she makes, is for the best, thats whether she gets rid of us both, chooses him or me.

I really, really want her back. I know it can work, i know it can. I can forgive what she did, and in some ways she regretted doing it. I'v told her i will be waiting, but i wont be waiting forever, and to be prepared that when she decides, iv moved on. She told me she had really seen a change in me, and hopes i stay this way. She told me she thinks about me 24/7, and anything she sees, such as the same car model, where we used to eat regularly, cinema etc all baught me to her mind 24/7.

The guy is 19, im 20 and she is 18.

My questions are:-

1) Is this other guy a rebound?
2) Based on what iv said, do you think this rebound could last?
3) What should i do now? Go strict NC, be her friend, or limited contact?
4) If i choose NC, is it likely, two weeks down the line, she will miss me again, just like she has been?
5) Is there any hope? I will wait a month and thats it i will properly move on.

Thanks alot.

[Gigabitch]

My questions are:-

1) Is this other guy a rebound?
2) Based on what iv said, do you think this rebound could last?
3) What should i do now? Go strict NC, be her friend, or limited contact?
4) If i choose NC, is it likely, two weeks down the line, she will miss me again, just like she has been?
5) Is there any hope? I will wait a month and thats it i will properly move on.

Thanks alot.

1. Yes, obviously.
2. Does it matter- even if it lasted another week, she'd have chosen him, not you.
3. Make up your frickin' mind about whether you want her back or not and act accordingly.
4. She's missing you right this minute, I am sure.
5. What do you want her to do? Quit her job? If that's the case, tell her. She's clearly in no condition to be thinking up solutions. Help her out, here.

Now the next day after all this happend, i told her i was pulling away, as i didnt feel comfortable, knowing theres another guy involved. She started crying again, saying that she doesnt know what she wants, and that her head is messed up, its in one place, and then in another place. She told me she loves me, and just really likes him, but every time i ask her, she has a different answer. She said she fancies him, but doesnt love him.

Um, OOPS. I think that was a big mistake. You had her back, you could have made it solid, and instead, you flaked out on her. If I were her, the other guy would be looking better and better because of this. Ditching someone when they're feeling sketchy is a really bad idea. Women want men to be there for them. You aren't there for her, are you? ....and he sees her almost every day...

[Parky]

Um, OOPS. I think that was a big mistake. You had her back, you could have made it solid, and instead, you flaked out on her. If I were her, the other guy would be looking better and better because of this. Ditching someone when they're feeling sketchy is a really bad idea. Women want men to be there for them. You aren't there for her, are you? ....and he sees her almost every day...

He doesnt see her everyday, only at weekends. She goes to uni during the week. When she started saying she needed to be on her own, i said to her, we were together on tuesday! she replied with... "Because my head is all over the place thats why i dont know what i want".

I'v told her i'll be here for her.

Whats the best thing to do? Go to NC again and see what happens?

[Gigabitch]

He doesnt see her everyday, only at weekends. She goes to uni during the week. When she started saying she needed to be on her own, i said to her, we were together on tuesday! she replied with... "Because my head is all over the place thats why i dont know what i want".

I'v told her i'll be here for her.

Whats the best thing to do? Go to NC again and see what happens?

I don't know what would work for her, but if it were ME, I'd find NC to be a huge slap in the face. It would break my heart and drive me into the arms of Loser Boy.

I hate NC.

[Parky]

I understand i did a mistake by pulling away from it when we were together. I should have taken it cool and just ignored it and tried to make it solid and work. It could have really lifted things. But now i know for next time, if i ever get that chance again. Do you think there will be that chance, or have i blown it altogether?