Whats wrong with me

[nalani]

Hi everyone,
my name is Nalani and I need some help. I apologize up front for the long story. *Sorry guys*
About 7yrs ago (I was 19yrs old) I went with my ex bf to visit my aunt. We staid there for 4 weeks. The first night there my aunt explained that a friend of my cousin would live in her house as well, since he had problems with his wife.

I didnt worried much about it until I met my cousins friend. He was totally adorable and I fell head over heels in love with him. I never asked this guy whether he had the same feelings but he was sending the same signals. I caught him on several occasions just starring at me, whenever we went on a trip and I was cold he offered me his jacket, he was always close to me and kind of "bumped" into me whenever he had the chance.

The day my bf and I left my aunt, her family and him brought us to the airport. He gave me the biggest hug and yes he started crying, like the rest of the family.

The time after we left was terrible. I couldnt get this guy out of mind, the situation was killing me. I missed him like crazy. My exbf saw how miserable I was but I told him I just missed my aunt so much. I knew I had to forget this guy but it was easier said than done. We decided to fly back to my aunt one year later.

My cousins friend didnt live at their house anymore but the first night he came over to visit us. The situation was kind of awkward and the tention in the air was unbearable. I think my cousin knew about his friends feelings cause he made weird comments and then asked him if he had found someone he liked. His friend looked at me and said :" Yes I found someone, but she has a bf."
Even my ex bf could tell something was going on. The situation became so overwhelming that my cousins friend left the house. He was there with a motorcycle. Before he took off I walked outside. He was about to close the visir on his helmet as he saw me and we kind of just looked into each others eyes. It felt like an eternity but I know it was just a few minutes cause my ex bf came out shortly after me and my cousins friend left.

I was heartbroken, that was the last time I saw him. I know he called my cousin on several occasions asking how I was doing.

I left my aunts house 3 weeks later. It took a long time for me to forget him and to move on but I managed it.

I have a new bf for 2 yrs and I am very happy with him.
Last week we were invited to my cousins wedding. I knew there was a slight chance that he could be there but I thought its seven years ago, even if it wouldnt bother me since I moved on. Little did I know. Yes he was there. I cought him on several occasions just starring at me and so did I.
All of a sudden I had all these butterflies in my tummy again. I tried not to show any feelings for him but since last week I cant get him out of my mind. I feel so bad. I dont know whats going on. I know my aunt wants me to come and visit her while I am still in the same country but I dont know if its a good idea. I just dont know what to do, I love my bf and cant explain why this guy is spooking around in my brain. Can anyone help, please?!

[vashti]

If you genuinely love your boyfriend, ask your aunt to be sure her friend doesn't come around if you go for a visit.

[Gigabitch]

Why didn't you think of pursuing this guy when you didn't have a boyfriend? There must have been a space between your bf and your ex- did this guy pop into your head then?

[nalani]

Thanks for your answers.

Giga: Yes this guy popped into my head while I didnt had a bf. The only thing is I live in the States and he lives in Australia. I tried everything to find him. I know I just could have asked my cousin for his adress but for some reason I didnt wanted to expose myself. Even so my cousin seemed to know about the situation I was ashamed of me (having feelings for another guy) and just couldnt jump over my shadow. Instead I kept asking stupid questions about him everytime I talked to my cousin as to were he lives now etc. Tried googling him and all these silly things. Thats 7 yrs ago now and I actually do live in Australia now. I moved here 1 yr ago. Did he crossed my mind when I moved? Yes he did but I thought I would never see him again.

[Mish]

Thanks for your answers.
but for some reason I didnt wanted to expose myself. Even so my cousin seemed to know about the situation I was ashamed of me (having feelings for another guy) and just couldnt jump over my shadow.

And now you are ready to expose yourself? Are you now ready to jump over your shadow?

You know, it could entirely be just infatuation talking. Once you get to know the real him (with all his unique flaws) this infatuation could quickly fade.