How do I push myself to go on...?

[Indestructible]

It’s hard to believe this year is already halfway over. By the end of the year, I’ll be 22. What’s the problem, you ask? Well, the problem is that I feel so far behind in the “dating” world. I’ve never been in a “relationship” with a girl, never been on a proper “date”, and heck, I’ve never even really had any flirtatious moments with a girl. I always get the “Oh, but you’re still young” shtick, but really, am I? Most people start experiencing dating and relationships in their teens, and mature from there; I haven’t even started yet. So what the heck is that going to mean for me? Not only that, but I don’t want so many years to pass by that I’m too old to enjoy some of the more “fun” parts of dating and relationships at a younger age.

And don’t get me wrong; I’m not expecting dating/ relationships to be all “good, happy, fun times”. I know there’s hardships and downsides that come with those things, but the crazy thing is, I want to experience that, too. Again, I know that sounds kinda crazy, but I think it’s really cool to see couples successfully work through their problems, and become closer because of it.
Thing is, everyone says you have to love yourself, and that you have to learn to appreciate being single, but yanno, I think after almost 22 years, I know myself just fine. Hell, I’m almost tired of myself, by now. I can’t help but be incredibly curious to experience what it’s like to date and be in a relationship, after spending so much time being single.

For whatever reason, though, I just can never really properly “connect” with girls. Yeah, I meet nice girls, but I’ve never really met one that really made me think “Wow, I’d like to spend more time with her, and get to know her better”. And, in all honesty, I’m not the kind of guy that really catches the attention of girls anyway, so my options are fairly limited to begin with.
To make matters even more frustrating, it seems like all of this comes so much easier to all the people in my life. Mostly everyone I know is involved with someone, and they’re all generally fairly content with their situations, even if they run into some bumps along the road.

What’s worse is, I don’t even get how some of these people can be better off that way than I am. I know three guys, for instance, all a couple of years younger than me, that have girlfriends (who I’ve met, and are nice girls), and a lot of times they act like they don’t even care that they’re in relationships. I see them drooling over and flirting with other girls, and they often crack crude jokes about their girlfriends (all of this behind their girlfriends’ backs, of course). Another acquaintance of mine is a guy I went to grade school with; he’s not necessarily a bad guy, or anything, but back when we were kids, he was always extremely obnoxious, did a lot of gross things, wasn’t very hygienic, etc., and even now, he still retains some of those qualities, and you know where he is now? He’s got a two year old son, and he’s had at least two pretty nice girls interested in him. Another kid I went to grade school with, that everyone always thought was really weird, is currently engaged to be married.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be all arrogant and claim to be “better” than those people, but look at it from my point of view; I’m a pretty down-to-earth guy, I take care of myself, and I like to think I’m a pretty warm, caring, polite person. Yet, I just can’t seem to catch a girl’s attention, and I don’t get it. I definitely have a lot of flaws, and at worst, I’m a bit on the reserved side, but even then, it’s not like I’m a total recluse, nor am I the least bit intimidating or unapproachable. I just don’t understand what’s so wrong with me. It’s really starting to kill my confidence, yanno?
Eh, sorry this got to be such a long post. I just need to vent a bit, I guess. Anyway, I guess what I’d really like to know is, how the heck do I keep myself optimistic in all this? Little by little, as the years keep slipping by, I keep becoming more cynical and pessimistic, and I hate that I’m becoming that way. It’s bad enough that I’m already so far behind, but I don’t want to end up growing into a bitter person because of it.

[xxazurexx]

Oh for crying out loud you are only 22!!! lol....yeah I repeated what most have told you.

At the age of 22, I'd ever only been in one serious relationship. The last thing on my mind at that age was, how quickly can I get a man/get a relationship/or get married.

I was way too busy enjoying my youth, hanging with my friends, going clubbing and what not.

There is still ample time yet, for you to meet someone and don't worry it will happen!

Meantime enjoy your youth and because you will never get it back again

[lastwish]

Maybe because you are not giving more girls a chance. Drop the mindset of finding that perfect girl. Give people a chance before juding them unworthy of your time. And if they don't approach you first, you approach them.

[cmacattack1]

Maybe because you are not giving more girls a chance. Drop the mindset of finding that perfect girl. Give people a chance before juding them unworthy of your time. And if they don't approach you first, you approach them.

Agreed. It could be your mentality. You meet nice girls but you don't give them a chance. Due to your lack of experience, of course, you probably don't know this. Most people end up marrying somebody that they had to get to know and really fall in love with. Don't let the pressures of what other people are doing and wanting what they have get to you. Most of the time when you aren't looking out for somebody they will find you. This is one area where trying too hard can work against you. What really draws girls will be being happy with yourself and it will exude from you. Somehow I don't get that, you seen unhappy with your current situation.

Go out, enjoy yourself, put yourself in situations to meet new people. Girls are used to guys being dicks like your friends, you are in a good position to meet somebody and really surprise them.

[lahnnabell]

Yet, I just can’t seem to catch a girl’s attention, and I don’t get it.

You stated this more than once.

What exactly are you expecting these girls to do? Approach you out of the blue? You don't sound as though you've tried very hard to put yourself out there. You haven't posted anything that shows you've proactively sought out any female. You just say that you can't "catch" their attention. Well, no shit. Standing around doesn't do much for anyone. Some magical maiden isn't just gonna fall into your lap one day and bat her eyes at you.

You need to find out what you like about yourself. Not just this, "I'm a sweet guy" line, but specifics. Take a look at what you like to do and use that. Join a sports group. Volunteer for some organization. Practice complimenting girls in small ways. Take pride in yourself by doing things. Talking to your mirror about what a great guy you are doesn't help you when you're "in the field".

[VincenzoG91]

One potential problem is just your current age. Women tend to prefer a guy who is at least a little bit older, so you're somewhat limited to women who are 18-21 right now (or whatever the minimum legal age is in your area). On top of that, immature young women are more easily impressed with bad boy types. Only after they have learned the hard way about the bad boys are they ready to date a more decent guy like yourself. So your odds will get better every year for the next decade or two.

But you don't need to just wait a few years for things to start happening. You should work on your social skills, your self-esteem, and your confidence. Figure out ways to present yourself better, by the way you dress, the way you speak and the way you carry yourself. Like Lahnnabell and cmac suggested, get involved in some activities where you can meet women. Relax and be yourself, but also strive to improve yourself. Get some exercise.

[soulsurvivor23]

I didn't have my first gf until age 19 (i'm 22 now) so I do know the feeling. But yeah as others have said, you do have to make moves. No, not everyone is Rico Suave I know i'm not, but little things. Compliments here or there, work on self confidence, things of that nature, what everyone else in here has said.

[Indestructible]

You stated this more than once.

What exactly are you expecting these girls to do? Approach you out of the blue?

Well, no, but what I mean is, I've done a lot of observing as to how the people around me interact with each other, and even if girls are much more subtle about their interest in a guy, I've picked up on a lot of the subtle little details that show their interest when they interact with specific guys. All I meant was, through all my interactions with the girls that have come in and out of my life, I've never noticed any of those little subtleties from them towards me.

[girl68]

YOU (not the girls, your friends or anyone else) has to do the meeting, greeting and asking out. Unless you're pretty, really good looking you're probably NOT going to attract girls. But if you are outgoing, funny and charming you WILL get attentiong after the initial approach.

[VincenzoG91]

Well, no, but what I mean is, I've done a lot of observing as to how the people around me interact with each other, and even if girls are much more subtle about their interest in a guy, I've picked up on a lot of the subtle little details that show their interest when they interact with specific guys. All I meant was, through all my interactions with the girls that have come in and out of my life, I've never noticed any of those little subtleties from them towards me.

The reason this forum is so useful is that it's sometimes really hard to see your own personal life clearly because your emotions get in the way. If you give enough information, even total strangers can give you really good advice because they don't have any emotional entanglement with your situation. And there are other forums like this one, but I think this one is particularly good because some of the regulars here are so insightful and intelligent. So in response to your above post, you are apparently an observant and analytical guy, so you pick up on those subtle little details in other people's interactions. But you may have a blind spot for the subtle little details that directly involve you, just because they directly involve you.