Once I move on it comes back... *kinda long*

[PandaCivic]

...sorta...
Hey everyone,
I have a situation I'm needing advice on. No it's not getting back with an ex. Well anyways, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I'm wanting to get with this girl in my class. Numbers exchanged and all, we talk and all that bullshit. I'm assuming things will work out once I develop more conversations with her. I talk to her during class sit next to her now...but anyways, the situation I'm having problems with is that I recently went home (which is about 40 miles away from where I live and go to school) and I visited my cousin, well she works with this one girl that I was trying to get with last year. My cousin was telling me that she (her name is Anna) was asking about me right before I came to see her. Kinda a coincidence but who knows. The thing is, we were "talking" but not really at that point where we were dating but just "talking". I never dated her because we just gave up i guess. but anyways, i saw her that nite and we started talking again. man i don't know why i didn't do anything before so now i'm wondering, why is she asking about me all over again? i'm gonna start to call her more often but now i feel it's wrong because she is with someone now. so the problem i'm having is this, is it wrong to start talking to someone again since they are with someone? technically we were talking before she got a new boyfriend but does that make it wrong to get with her? hopefully their relationship doesn't work out but i'd rather her be happy than sad. but damn, she's very nice looking too. being single sux sometimes...

[Ironliftr3]

My question is why in the world are you doing all this 'talking'?? Are you looking for a buddy, or for a date? Ask the girl OUT for gods sake, and TALK to her on the date!

And if the chick from back home has a serious boyfriend, I wouldn't bother with her. You're just setting yourself up to get emotionally attatched to somebody you can't have. Serves no purpose.

[IceQueen]

Yup, it makes it wrong. She might have asked just out of curiousity/small talk. It doesn't mean she is interested. Go for the girl who is available.

[PandaCivic]

going for the girl who is available is kinda a million step process. but i'll do that. this was initiated from someone else's posting about keeping options open and other stuff. i don't want to be blind to other girls out there just for one person.

[Ironliftr3]

Why is it a million step process if you're already on speaking terms, and you've got her number. I see only one step - "want to grab some lunch/coffee/drink?".

[PandaCivic]

ok ok, gotcha, i'll ask her tonite if she wants to catch some coffee.

[Ironliftr3]

Good man! Let us know how it turns out.

[K3vMySt3r]

yes...plz keep us posted...i hope everything goes right for u...we're cheering for ya!!!

[sfalexi]

going for the girl who is available is kinda a million step process. but i'll do that. this was initiated from someone else's posting about keeping options open and other stuff. i don't want to be blind to other girls out there just for one person.

I personally believe that it's good to keep options open. Cause if you date someone for a month, and refuse dating anyone else, and you find out they're not for you, well, that's one month lost. And girls that may have been interested in you before may no longer be interested in you.

But keeping options open doesn't mean ask out girls who have boyfriends. It means that you are casually dating. You're going out here and there with one, two, maybe more people and getting to know a couple girls. That way your chances of finding someone compatible with you are higher than if it's just ONE girl at a time.

Alexi

[PandaCivic]

that's true alexi. i was thinking the same thing. i'm leaving my options open but i'm not gonna disrespect the girl i'm currently seeing.

but anyways, i went to class this afternoon and it was cool!!!
i walked out of class with her, we chatted for a bit, and before we split ways, i asked her if she wanted to do something sometime, and she smiled and said i don't know and if any of you read my previous post, she said she had family issues, and she told me her grandma died i felt so bad asking her to do something but she said said yes to hanging out. so i'm gonna call her tomorrow to see what's up. still crossing my fingers!!!

[Ironliftr3]

Originally posted by PandaCivic
before we split ways, i asked her if she wanted to do something sometime,

Cool...great start! And not to knock what you did, because it was a big step in the right direction, but FYI for future referance, it's MUCH better to offer something specific and time/day restraining than the 'something sometime' approach.

Reasons being, first, it offers her less of a chance to say 'maybe' or be flaky if you say "do you want to go get lunch on Saturday", it somewhat forces her to give you a straight answer. Second, it shows that you put some thought into what and when you want to see her. Also, it's a control thing, it put YOU in charge of the situation, something chicks dig, a guy who is willing to take charge.

Again, not knocking what you did at all, just offering some advice from somebody who's previously screwed up every way possible, and learned the hard way!

[sfalexi]

Cool...great start! And not to knock what you did, because it was a big step in the right direction, but FYI for future referance, it's MUCH better to offer something specific and time/day restraining than the 'something sometime' approach.

Yup. If you wanna be REALLY cool, say something as though you already know she'll say yes. "Hey, there's an awesome band playing at _____ on Friday. What time should I pick you up?" Smooth . . . like glass. The "something-sometime" approach I only use when it looks like a girl isn't that interested in me for some reason. I simply say, "Hey, if you ever wanna get together and chill, give me a call." Then I walk away. Then I continue my merry 'ol life and if she calls me in the future, I hang out, and if not, no biggie. It's more of an open-ended invitation so I don't completely close the door for them, but it gives me the freedom of not worrying about when to call next, because in my mind, they're history.

Alexi

[PandaCivic]

true, the reason why i asked her if she wanted to do something was because i was going to see her tomorrow to give her my study guide for an upcoming quiz. i will ask her tomorrow if she wants to grab some cofee or something. i want to talk to her tomorrow about what she wants to do. i just loved the way she looked at me when i asked her. she looked so surprised that i got the nerve to talk to her, mainly ask her to do something. here's to wishful thinking...

[sfalexi]

true, the reason why i asked her if she wanted to do something was because i was going to see her tomorrow to give her my study guide for an upcoming quiz. i will ask her tomorrow if she wants to grab some cofee or something.

Perhaps a better way of going around this would have been to have her meet you AT a coffee house for the study guide and ask her to sit down and join you for a bit before rushing off so quickly. And if she refuses, guilt her into it. "I was so nice to give you a study guide and you can't even keep me company for a few minutes." Sniff a bit, pretend to cry, then look up to see her laughing and pull out the chair for her.

Alexi

[PandaCivic]

ya i was thinking that too but i don't have the time to be waiting for her at a coffee shop the day BEFORE an exam. i'm sprung but i have to worry about what i got to study too. *news update* i called her up and asked her if she was on campus so i can give her the notes and she was in a building with bad reception, she called me back and said she wouldn't make it on campus so i just offered to study with her on the phone "you're awesome" was her reply... i think i'm doing too much too early...please someone tell me i'm wrong.