Partner of 3 years dumped me by text and I'm struggling to come to terms with it!

[ladyl]

I'm almost 38 and my bf is almost 39 both divorced, we don't live together but have been in a relationship for 3 years. It seems to follow the same cycle where everything is really good then every few months he finishes with me for no valid reason mainly out of anger then he completely cuts of contact for 4/5 weeks then gets in touch again, and I take him back. 2 weeks ago he did exactly the same again and finished with me with a 2 line text for no real valid reason and I haven't heard from him since. He had quite a traumatic childhood and a pretty rough divorce as his ex wife was cheating on him and they have a son together. He can be a bit controlling at times and I actually suspect that he may suffer from narcassistic personality disorder. But I really love him and I' struggling to come to terms with being cast aside yet again and expecially with no explanation other than a 2 line text after a 3 year relationship and I was very close to his son. I haven't tried to contact him becuase I feel that this time enough is enough and that I should try to move on so I have changed my phone number and blocked him from my hotmail account but we work for the same company although not in the same office so it's unlikely I will see him at work. I just can't stop thinking about it and going over and over it in my mind that he can just cut me off from him and his son so easily, and wondering if I will ever hear from him again.

[Idainaru]

Well, we all suffer from some disorder...We all had problematic childhood too. But you know when enough is enough, like you said. Im younger than both of you, and have much less experience (never been married, never had children) but i can say from my point of view, is that he is not treating you well.

Perhaps there are some unrevealed details in your relationship which are forcing him to act like this, i dont know....But i wonder how the hell you never discussed about this with him. I mean, you take him back and never ask him why did he break with you? You never gave him clearly that you are person with feelings and that he needs to treat you better?

What were you both doing for 3 years if not discussing such things?

[TablesandChairs]

What causes these break ups? How justified is he? I mean, if you become a psycho once every 3 months, that'll explain it. Otherwise, he's a douche for dumping you over text and repeatedly at that. Three years deserves more than that.

Also, you've set a precedent - he can dump you then change his mind and you take him back. There's no risk factor; maybe if he knew he'd loose you for good, he'd reconsider. I'd think twice about making it so easy for him this time.

[ladyl]

No I'm far from a psycho and pretty low maintenance as a female, and I'm a really laid back and accepting person (which is probably the problem) so I actually tolerate his behaviour. Everytime he comes back he just says we need to move on and focus on how much we love and care for each other and I guess I'm so happy to have him back I accept it. I want the relationship to progress to living together but he keeps saying it's too unstable but he's the one making it unstable by dumping me every few months. I don't think he'll come back this time. He is quite emotionally unavailable and clearly fears intimacy. He keeps saying he can't describe how much he loves me and doesn't have any doubts but still doesn't want to live together after 3 years. The day before he dumped me he was saying I was a gift from god, so one minute I'm the best thing since sliced bread and the next minute I'm dumped with a 2 line text. Very confusing.

[Boisdevie]

wondering if I will ever hear from him again.

Why would you want to hear from him again. Jeez the guy sounds like a nut job and if you're even thinking about taking him back you really need your head looking at. Stop making excuses for him - he's an idiot and you might consider trying to date somebody normal.

[ladyl]

Boisdevie - yes you are absolutely right I deserve better! Thanks

[TablesandChairs]

You do realize how dangerous it would be to invest in this man long-term? He doesn't even know himself. You would be living in unpredictable, roller-coaster hell. Ask yourself - what kind of person calls you a gift from God etc etc a day before dumping you via text? I'm pretty easy going for a female too in many regards, but once I'm really pissed off, I'm done with that person for good. Maybe you need to reach that stage.

[ladyl]

yeah part of me thinks I have reached that stage where I'll never go back this time, I've never changed my number etc before and I'm not tempted to contact him. I just think if he'd at least have had the balls to tell me face to face I wouldn't feel quite so shit! I almost feel like he's trying to punish me or get back at me. I know deep down he's not right for me and I'm not an insecure person and yet he's dumped me in a way that pretty much demonstrates that me, the relationship and the relationship I had with his 10 yr old his son for 3 years clearly didn't mean that much to him and he has managed to make me feel totally crap again. Although I guess it's early days so it's just gonna take time. Part of me thinks I'll never hear from him again, but another part of me thinks it's not the last I've heard from him but he'll wait longer to get in touch this time.

[Boisdevie]

Part of me thinks I'll never hear from him again, but another part of me thinks it's not the last I've heard from him but he'll wait longer to get in touch this time.

Cut off all contact with him so he can't get back in touch. Stop even wasting a millisecond thinking about this idiot - don't you deserve better than some dickhead?

[ladyl]

Yeah you're right he is a dickhead. It's good to get other peoples perspectives on it, I mean obvioulsy I'm not perfect but I would never treat anyone like that. All I've done is love him, support him, accept him and take alot of responsibility for his son and I've even built up an amazing relationship with his ex wife. But it's still not enough for him and more about mind games and control for him.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah you're right he is a dickhead. It's good to get other peoples perspectives on it, I mean obvioulsy I'm not perfect but I would never treat anyone like that. All I've done is love him, support him, accept him and take alot of responsibility for his son and I've even built up an amazing relationship with his ex wife. But it's still not enough for him and more about mind games and control for him.

Forget about HIM HIM HIM and why not think about YOU YOU YOU.

[Wakeup]

You can can't consider yourself having been in a three year relationship if he keeps ending it every other month so divide the actual time you've spent with him in half (or less).

I recommend you read the book in the link below. You are accepting back a guy that only wants you for 'new relationship energy' sex. He dumps you when it gets routine only to come back when he knows you're pining for him and will **** him like you just met him.

The book:

http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Love-Addiction-Giving-Yourself/dp/0062506048

Stop being a love addict and remaining with a man that won't love you back. This merry-go-round he has you on is making you emotionally ill and it's whittleing away at your self worth one return at a time. Get off the ride.

[Wakeup]

BTW:

He keeps saying he can't describe how much he loves me and doesn't have any doubts but still doesn't want to live together after 3 years. The day before he dumped me he was saying I was a gift from god, so one minute I'm the best thing since sliced bread and the next minute I'm dumped with a 2 line text. Very confusing.

It's not confusing at all. Your problem is you believe the words of a liar. If you pay attention to his disrespectful and unloving actions you'd plainly see that his words mean shit. Stop wishing and hoping and ignore the son of a bitch next time he tries to hoover you back.

[namemyname]

Narcs don't tend to go back to an ex. That's because they tend to leave you for someone else and are over you like tossing a used tissue. Unless, they keep getting dumped, and you're the only soft landing for a bit of time.

Regardless, he sounds more like he has borderline personality disorder.

However, the real problem here, is you.

[Ginger2013]

Sounds like he's been "dumping you by text" for the last 3 years. Geez girl, get yourself some self-esteem and confidence. Value yourself and have some dignity. How can you love someone who treats you like you're disposable? People don't believe it, but there are hundreds/thousands etc....men and women out there who will actually treat a person with love and respect, and treasure them. I think this is your chance to move on.