Am I wrong?

[bovinejoni]

Hi everyone,

I'm a little unsure as to whether my feelings are justified or not. Ok, so this isn't directly about my recent breakup. Me and my girlfriend were together for 5 years, and she broke up wuth me a few months ago. I kind of delayed dealing with it, and that's coming back in a really bad way.

But that's not my problem. During the 5 years we were together, she had a pretty serious problem with one of my friends. My best friend actually. On and off for about a year, me and this girl messed around. It was never anything serious as I didn't want it to be. But the last time anything happened was 2 weeks before I started seeing the new girl. (Ok... to be clear, the 5 year girlfriend will be known as Claire, and the best friend will be Rose) So me and Claire started our relationship. She eventually met Rose, and they seemed to get along pretty well. Actually, that wasn't the case at all.

Turns out Claire wasn't too happy with me still being friends with Rose, and we fought about this many times during our relationship. Claire couldn't understand how me and Rose were still friends, and continually thought that I just settled for her, and really wanted to be with Rose. That wasn't the case at all, and I couldn't have done any more to convince Claire that I really wanted to be with her.

Anyway, Claire pretty much hated Rose. Never told her, but she clearly couldn't stand her. Fast forward to us breaking up, and they suddenly come best friends. Ok.. slightly annoying, but not too big of a deal. Me and Claire couldn't be together, but we're all still friends so I guess that works. But then they start hanging out together a lot with Rose's boyfriend and his friends. I barely talk to either of them, and find out that Claire is now seeing one of the other guys.

Obviously, I'm not too happy about this. Is that wrong though? I mean, everyone else that I've talked to agrees with me, but I'm not sure if I'm in the right. Rose didn't actively set Claire up with the guy, but it is her friend, and it just seems to me that that's one of those situations where you step in and say "NO" because it could really screw up the friendship. Seems like it did, but I'd just like some other opinions on the matter.

Thanks everyone.

[carl1222]

At first blush, I think you are being unreasonable. Whose relationship/friendship do you think will be screwed up by Claire dating one of Rose's friends?

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

People make their own decisions... sad that you lost Claire... even sadder that you lost Rose too... but as they say, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Claire sounded very insecure... and it says a lot about Rose becoming friends with someone who apparently disliked her, and choosing this new friendship over her friendship with you.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Time to move on from the lost relationship with Claire... and the lost friendship with Rose.

[Mish]

Rose didn't actively set Claire up with the guy, but it is her friend, and it just seems to me that that's one of those situations where you step in and say "NO" because it could really screw up the friendship. Seems like it did, but I'd just like some other opinions on the matter.

Unfortunately, I think some of the faults here lie with you. If you didn't want Rose to hang out with Claire (as what happened was a possibility) you should've told Rose so (as your best friend she would probably distance herself from her). Since you didn't it's hard to blame her for not stepping in.

Second, you probably shouldn't have told Claire about your messing around with Rose long in the past before her. That obviously made her jealous which is why she tormented you for it. It's good to be honest, but some things should only be revealed on a "need to know basis" imo.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on what happened.

[tatarin]

Hi all.
There is a proverb something like this - don't have relationships where you live and don't live where you have relationships. Love relationships.
As to me I think it is better when your ex- girlfriend and new girlfriend don't know each other.

[Lite]

Hi all.
There is a proverb something like this - don't have relationships where you live and don't live where you have relationships. Love relationships.
As to me I think it is better when your ex- girlfriend and new girlfriend don't know each other.

I think you mean don't shit where you eat.

[tatarin]

This is a good proverb too!