Boyfriend Wants to Quit

[Aeradalia]

I'm on vacation... took a week off so I'm with my brother (he returned from Iraq) and staying with my Dad. The internet connection is incredibly weak, and even my cell phone fades in and out here.

So I received a text message from my boyfriend... we talk on the phone for a little while. Missing every other word because I have to walk around in the yard searching for a stronger signal.

He said he couldn't handle the stress from work anymore and that he is considering quitting. He's suppose to come home in June. If he quits now, everything will be chaotic... and much more difficult. I wanted to talk more about this with him, but the signal faded. By the time I got him back on the phone... he only had enough time to say goodbye.

Part of me says to hell with everything -- I just want him home. But another part of me realizes that it would be better for him if he just holds out a little bit longer. I don't know if I should encourage him to stay or stand behind him should he decide to quit. Very frustrating to be stuck here... and even more so with my bf having doubts and having to deal with my mom as well (who has been guilt tripping me on the phone ever since I came down here... ).

My dad's solution.. is to just drink and forget... but I've outgrown that 'fuzzy logic' a long time ago. Anyone have any suggestions?

[1sxybtch]

Why does your boyfriend want to quit his job? Is it because his job is stressful or because being away from you is stressful? Is the job over in June or is that just when he gets a vacation and is able to come see you? If he were to quit the job now, would he be able to get another job closer to you?

[Aeradalia]

Why does your boyfriend want to quit his job? Is it because his job is stressful or because being away from you is stressful? Is the job over in June or is that just when he gets a vacation and is able to come see you? If he were to quit the job now, would he be able to get another job closer to you?

My bf is over in Iraq... more or less helping with rebuilding... he rarely goes into any specifics... so to be quite honest, I don't have the 'full picture.' I wanted to ask him what his reasons are for wanting to quit... but the damn phone kept fading... From the little bit I got... he didn't like the people he was working with, and a I suppose he wanted to come home.

He doesn't have the mentality for such work... I feared he would crack under pressure sooner or later. Then again, there aren't many that can handle a war-zone... or merely the constant state of ruin and fear without some kind of training. For a civilian, I would imagine that Iraq is quite a shock to the senses.

[misombra]

you've outgrown numbing yourself with alcohol and drugs?

psh, not me. those very things are numbing my anger for the irs right at this very moment.

[lesa]

What a wussy. Yep, he's high maintenance. Must baby him when he goes and must baby him when he comes back. He knew very well that he was entering a war zone and an unfriendly working environment.

And what's this with the mother thing? Is she dating him too?

[IndiReloaded]

psh, not me. those very things are numbing my anger for the irs right at this very moment.

It would have to be something like pot. If you are numbing out w/booze you are still feeding the IRS.

[IndiReloaded]

My bf is over in Iraq... more or less helping with rebuilding... he rarely goes into any specifics... so to be quite honest, I don't have the 'full picture.' I wanted to ask him what his reasons are for wanting to quit... but the damn phone kept fading... From the little bit I got... he didn't like the people he was working with, and a I suppose he wanted to come home.

He doesn't have the mentality for such work... I feared he would crack under pressure sooner or later. Then again, there aren't many that can handle a war-zone... or merely the constant state of ruin and fear without some kind of training. For a civilian, I would imagine that Iraq is quite a shock to the senses.

How much longer does he have there? Is he working in a compound? Can he break his contract w/o penalty, I doubt it.

Its getting more dicey over there. As more control is being given over to the local Iraqi forces, I imagine the chaos is increasing proportionally.

EDIT - okay I saw June. That's only another few weeks. Tell him to hang in there.

[Gribble]

What a wussy. Yep, he's high maintenance. Must baby him when he goes and must baby him when he comes back. He knew very well that he was entering a war zone and an unfriendly working environment.

And what's this with the mother thing? Is she dating him too?

Nobody can possibly know what it's like to be in a war zone without actually having been in one. Cut the guy a little slack. The fact that he was willing to go at all is admirable.

[tooxshort]

Everybody has there breaking point ... if he cant take it over there and feels that he needs to quit, then you should stand by him ... a relationship does involve empathy, so you it'd be nice to see it from his perspective ... which I'm sure you do.

Although, he should "know" what there is to expect in Iraq, I think it's impossible to face a war zone ... Shit, some people can't handle a bad breakup ... I think he's done enough.

[Lipp]

Nobody can possibly know what it's like to be in a war zone without actually having been in one. Cut the guy a little slack. The fact that he was willing to go at all is admirable.

"War is sweet to those who have never experienced it."
-Pindar

The only good reason to work in such a warzone is if the pay is helluva good.

[Aeradalia]

What a wussy. Yep, he's high maintenance. Must baby him when he goes and must baby him when he comes back. He knew very well that he was entering a war zone and an unfriendly working environment.

And what's this with the mother thing? Is she dating him too?

Lesa... why do I feel the man you want/need does not exist? Maybe you're the wuss for breaking down for far less than trying to endure the fear-drenched environment of a struggling country? I'm sure you've cried over broken hearts, broken dreams, and missed loved ones --- hell maybe you even cried from something as petty as frustrations at work. Come now, be honest.

Yes he's flawed --- who isn't?

Of course he had to be reassured when he left -- he was going into a place of death and destruction. Of course he seeks me out now that he has doubts. I don't know what he's seen... or what it's like over there -- not directly. No civilian could've 'known very well' what the **** they were walking into.

I've only seen one person get shot in my life... that was enough to shake the very foundation of my being. But I wasn't in fear of it-- dreading it --- up to that point. It was unexpected. With him... there is always the dread of there being death around the next corner --- it's a climate of fear, especially for someone who isn't an Iraqi.

What mother thing? His mother is dead... his sister uses him. He even told me the bitch had to audacity to send him an email asking him to help her --- knowing he was in Iraq!

He grew up like I did --- far too much responsibility placed on him far too early in life. Both of us practically had to raise ourselves. We didn't 'grow up' in life --- merely survived. Maybe the war-zone he's in brought that to his attention and he wants to 'live' life --- not settle for just survival. There may not be anything better in life... but I'm pretty damn sure if there is something better --- it's not in Iraq right now.

[lesa]

Crying is fine. However, he wants to give up after feeling the need to go there. He has only a few more weeks there. When he is "home" what other encouragements may he need? Does he give equal encouragements for you? If not, you will resent him for draining you emotionally and he does little for you in the same regards.

[IndiReloaded]

I too give him credit for heading to the war zone.

Still, emotions aside, there are practical issues to consider.

How will he be affected by breaking contract early?

If there are large penalties, one should try to help him to stick it out if at all possible. June isn't that far away & he's made it this far. Seems a shame to give up all he's experienced for the matter of a few weeks.

[IndiReloaded]

Crying is fine. However, he wants to give up after feeling the need to go there. He has only a few more weeks there. When he is "home" what other encouragements may he need? Does he give equal encouragements for you? If not, you will resent him for draining you emotionally and he does little for you in the same regards.

Lesa, I get where you are coming from but I think your tack is the wrong one for Dalia on this.

Have you been to a war zone? Knowing something and experiencing it are quite different things. I also think you are being too judgmental of this guy and its not helping you make your point. Just saying.

[lesa]

Lesa, I get where you are coming from but I think your tack is the wrong one for Dalia on this.

Have you been to a war zone? Knowing something and experiencing it are quite different things. I also think you are being too judgmental of this guy and its not helping you make your point. Just saying.

You're right, Indi. Sorry Aerdalia, I was having flashbacks from your situation. I'm a little concern about his behavior but I'm coming on too strong for the point I am trying to make.