dating a Player / veiled threat / making fun of age

[ptreves]

Hello,

I have been seeing this older women for a few years now. She is a college at work. She invites me out to dance and coffee dates.

I never had a very close "friendship" with a women like that.
She sometimes makes fun comments about my age, sometimes makes veiled threats that our friendship would be over if I don't confirm our plans for the week-end.

We work for the same school, we are both teachers.
She seems to see a "revolving" door of men, has online profiles on several sites.
She has told me so much.

She invites me to her birthday.
What should I make of it?

I feel that I am treated as a puppet on a leash.

Comments ?

Paul

[mellyann]

Do you think she might want to date you or is it only platonic?

No reason to give you threats if you cannot do something, she is immature or f'ed in the head to do that to anyone. If you aren't feeling her or dealing with her bday, say sorry can't make it and just give her a bday card during school hours instead.

[GLYC]

Well, dating a colleague can be messy, always be aware of that.

Don't confirm plans for the weekend? What does this mean, are you leaving plans up in the air without making concrete plans? Or is she asking you to call her on Friday to make sure that you're still on for that night?

If it's option #2, there's really no need. Phones work both ways. If she wants to see you, she will make the effort to see you. I would say "let's just plan of seeing each other there"

Besides from that, a threat of any kind, or an ultimatum, is not healthy behavior. You want a partner that is capable of being easy going and a great teammate. A great woman can tell you what she expects, without making a threat out of it. "I would really appreciate it if you.," "I think our relationship would benefit if we displayed better..", "Can you please..", etc.

..also, friendship? Is that what you really want? Be genuine with your intention. It's okay to be friends with women, but I've you're looking for more than friends, don't just settle for a "friendship" label. That's basically you saying that you lack the self-respect to be true to your real purpose.

[ptreves]

She has told me a few months ago that she is not interested in sex with me. She also told me that we will be friends for ever.

The last time that I went dancing with her, all of a sudden she showed me a picture of a man she said was her new italian boyfriend. I have an italian-canadian background. She said that she has been going out with him for the last 6 months. I am not taking it seriously.

Tomorrow is her birthday. She has asked me to bring something and to dress-up. She said about 20 people are invited. She organised a christmas party for her birthday last year at one of her ex-boyfriends house. Her ex-boyfriend or one of them she lived with for 10 years and has several houses. She was born on December 22nd.

I am not sure what to expect tomorrow. I am not sure that her new boyfriend will be there but never sure. She has been flirtations but nothing ever comes of it.

She can be rude at times, but has on some occasions apologized for it.
She likes attention. She has told me that she is looking for a man to worship her that is what she wants.

Comments ?

Paolo

[GLYC]

She's looking for a man to worship her? Yeah forget that business. It's mutual effort. While it's true that you should show up to give, you also have to take note at what you receive. Its obvious that you aren't receiving what youre looking for.

I would write her off. It sounds like she doesn't see you as a potential lover. Staying around will only further degrade her image of you as a potential mate. Friends forever? That's great, if you only want to be friends. Otherwise, it sounds like "blue balls forever".

Honestly, I would write her off. Apologizes on occasions? You need to get rid of rude and disrespectful people from your life. Obviously not everyone is perfect, and some may need a healthy reminder. However, in this case, I don't think she's worth it.

The flirtations.. she might just like the attention from you.

Sorry if I sound blunt or harsh. Just trying to be real with you.

It takes two to tango, without that, it will never work.

Plus.. would a woman that wants to be with you, show a picture of a man that she deemed to be her new boyfriend to you?

I know this stuff has already entered into your head, because you're bringing it up in your post.

Personally, I wouldn't have time for this woman. I would say, thanks for the memories, it's been great, but im looking for a romantic partner, I'm sure you're a great friend and all, but the reality is that I'm not interested in being just friends with you. If you ever feel like you change your mind, let me know, best wishes and I hope you have a great Christmas.

I would then write it off as though you will never hear from her again.

Oh well, onto new things and other great opportunities!