I'm the Dumper, and my Dumpee is still being mean...

[chick]

Hey guys, I'm new here. Quick background, my relationship with this guy lasted a year and 5 months, and it ended in the beginning of March 2009. We are 8 months and a half broken up. He became very emotionally abusive towards me during the first 5 months of it all, and has taken all our mutual friends away from me and basically... It was the hardest time of my life. He was my first love but hasn't treated me very well during the relationship, so I angrily ended it.

Over 2 months ago, we had a fight and I told him I never wanted to speak to him again, that if he tries to contact me I will call the cops. So we went back to NC... I even ignored his birthday... about a month and a half later, he sent me a text saying, "I know you don't wanna ever talk to me again, I've just been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sorry. I don't want you to think this is just a half assed attempt to be friends, I just thought you should know I do feel bad for all the hurt I've caused you."

Before he sent me that text, my mom told me that when she picked up my brother from school, they bumped into my ex. My ex waved to my mom and turned to my brother to say something. Apparently he was/is trying to talk to my brother all the time now. So anyways, back to the text... I ignored it. A month later and my brother told me that while my ex doesn't talk about me, he likes to talk crap about, get this, our MOM! He specifically told my brother, "Your mom was such a crazy b-word!"

I couldn't believe it. Why would he complain about my mom never liking him while we were dating now? Why does he still care so much about this? Apparently he is "so happy" with his new life without me, but yet, it's like he's still bitter. It's been almost 9 months! Why is he doing this?

[girl68]

Who cares!

Let him be miserable and continue to ignore him. If your brother still insists that he wants to talk to your ex tell him you'd like to hear nothing of it.

[chick]

Who cares!

Let him be miserable and continue to ignore him. If your brother still insists that he wants to talk to your ex tell him you'd like to hear nothing of it.

Thank you, but I really don't want to hear "who cares!" responses. I would like some explanation behind his behavior, that's all.

[girl68]

*HE* is the only one who can explain. Given that you're NC, that's not going to happen.

[starbuck]

"Who cares" is a valid response. The point that girl68 is trying to make is that your focus should be on YOU now. Why waste anymore mind space on this guy?

We could postulate on his behavior, but the bottom line is the guy was a jerk during your relationship and even more of one shortly after. Why are you surprised by his behavior now? Douchebaggery is clearly a pattern for him.

Can you block his calls/texts? I wouldn't leave any avenue of contact open with this guy.

[IndiReloaded]

Thank you, but I really don't want to hear "who cares!" responses. I would like some explanation behind his behavior, that's all.

But why? He's a jerk. That's why you broke up. What else do you need to know.

When you take a dump, do you spend weeks thinking about the flushed turd afterward?

[bluesummer]

I understand, to an extent, to want to know the 'why' behind the behaviour. Truth is, in he long run, knowing isn't going to make you feel any better, trust me.

No one can really answer that anyways, unless we sat down and had a heart to heart with him about it. Holding on to it means that you're spending entirely too much time thinking about it, and you will not be able to move on. Forget about it. If he wants to be a bitter little dickwad, let him stew in his own misery. The best revenge is moving on.

[bloodtippedrose]

Cant you see? This is his pathetic last attempts to win your attention.

its just like my ex. he would send me emails saying he loved me and to have an awesome life and theres always a place in his heart ect. and he'd send mean I hate you emails then he started trying to be friends with my brother and THEN he was talking shit about my parents because he knows i love them and wouldnt want anyone talking shit about them. Exact same pathetic attempts. I ignored him and he eventually gave up and moved on

[chick]

Cant you see? This is his pathetic last attempts to win your attention.

its just like my ex. he would send me emails saying he loved me and to have an awesome life and theres always a place in his heart ect. and he'd send mean I hate you emails then he started trying to be friends with my brother and THEN he was talking shit about my parents because he knows i love them and wouldnt want anyone talking shit about them. Exact same pathetic attempts. I ignored him and he eventually gave up and moved on

Thank you and I'm so sorry about your ex... Why do you think he wants to win my attention again, though?

[Heratriumphant]

Chick, the important question here isn't "why is he doing this" it's why do YOU care?

Seriously.

You're on here fishing for a "he still likes you" or something similar, even though you admit this guy was emotionally abusive.

You need to stop thinking about him all together, it's been this long why aren't YOU over it yet?

[sookie6]

Thank you and I'm so sorry about your ex... Why do you think he wants to win my attention again, though?

I think his pride has taken over since you dumped him.

Male pride is something that you will encounter many times in your love life.

I went out with a guy once whose wife had ran away with someone else like overnight...

The guy never recovered from it and 2 years later was still brooding over it...He said he would love to win her back so that he could dump her this time...

So don't think twice about your ex. He is trying to get your attention in every possible way but this attention seeking behaviour will not work in his favour...

He is a waste of time.

[chick]

Chick, the important question here isn't "why is he doing this" it's why do YOU care?

Seriously.

You're on here fishing for a "he still likes you" or something similar, even though you admit this guy was emotionally abusive.

You need to stop thinking about him all together, it's been this long why aren't YOU over it yet?

I don't know why, honestly... Maybe because he's my first? It's hard, I mean, I have seriously tried to move on to other guys, and usually all they want is one thing and I get so upset. I met some guy on the internet but I didn't liked him much so I stop talking to him altogether.

Believe me when I said I tried.

I think his pride has taken over since you dumped him.

Male pride is something that you will encounter many times in your love life.

I went out with a guy once whose wife had ran away with someone else like overnight...

The guy never recovered from it and 2 years later was still brooding over it...He said he would love to win her back so that he could dump her this time...

So don't think twice about your ex. He is trying to get your attention in every possible way but this attention seeking behaviour will not work in his favour...

He is a waste of time.

Hmm... You may be right. How sad he had to be this way, I mean, I really thought he was the mature kind but I guess not.

Maybe the guy said that to you just so spare your feelings? Maybe he truly wanted her back for real and not for some pride... I don't know.

But anyway, you guys are right, I'm gonna try and move on as much as I can. Thanks!

[cmacattack1]

I'd like to think that every person can change, being a person that has really changed myself. I want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt but by his actions it's obvious that he hasn't changed much. Are you enjoying being chased after even though you don't want to be with him ever again? You can be honest with yourself, even though you didn't respond to his text did you like hearing it? These questions are more about your thought process than his. Which is why you should be focusing on your right now.

Does some part of you deep down still care about him despite all the pain he's caused you? It's something to think about.

[chick]

I'd like to think that every person can change, being a person that has really changed myself. I want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt but by his actions it's obvious that he hasn't changed much. Are you enjoying being chased after even though you don't want to be with him ever again? You can be honest with yourself, even though you didn't respond to his text did you like hearing it? These questions are more about your thought process than his. Which is why you should be focusing on your right now.

Does some part of you deep down still care about him despite all the pain he's caused you? It's something to think about.

That's what I'm trying to say here... That I feel that I should forgive him, since I've been raised to be good to people even if they're crummy. I believe in karma and all of that, and doing good deeds and such.

I've been in NC for almost 5 months... He broke it twice, one directly (the text) and the other indirectly. The text made me cry and made me felt suffocated, oddly enough. It's funny how I used to want to hear from him back then, but now anything that I have to hear about him is a total nightmare.

I mean, how can you wave at someone's mom and chatting up their brother, send the apology text to the person, and then once you get ignored... You talk crap about their mom, to the brother's face? I mean, that's what I found so weird!

This is the same guy who had this air of "Oh, I'm totally over you, you're never gonna get me back, etc." and then once I shrug and be like, "Kay, whatever you say." that's when he starts to act up and confuse me even more.

A part of me will always care for him because he was once a very important person in my life.... I just don't know if I can allow him to come back in my life again.

[Gigabitch]

But why? He's a jerk. That's why you broke up. What else do you need to know.

When you take a dump, do you spend weeks thinking about the flushed turd afterward?

Best.

Post.

Ever.