Gaining self-confidence?

[pixielo]

I'm 19 and have been talking to guy for about 4 months now. We met online, met up after 2 months, and had sex for the first time (I was a virgin). Two months after the fact, I feel like I'm making things much more complicated than they need to be. He lives 2 & 1/2 hours away so we don't really get to see each other; the computer and the phone are our main ways of communicating. He doesn't want a serious/labeled relationship/commitment because he has issues to sort out, which is fine with me and completely understandable.

However, I feel like insecurities I've had throughout my life are flaring up, and bad. I still feel incredibly unattractive, no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful... I am really shy and have a hard time speaking (I'm better at typing) for fear of sounding stupid... and while he has done nothing to make me feel this way or feel like I should be worried about the relationship that we have falling apart, I'm still on defense/clingy mode right now. I need verbal reassurance, and aside from that not being fair to him, it is extremely annoying and frustrating for me because this is not at all how I want to be.

I need to work on my self-esteem issues. I can't even figure out where to begin. Has anyone else done well in combating serious self-esteem issues? I've thought about going to a gym and working out, doing more reading and less playing on the internet, things like that. But how do you steer yourself on the right path when you're so critical of yourself?

[MetalPhoenix]

What worked for me is not caring what other people think. Do what makes you happy. If people can't live with that, it's their fault. It is who you are. They can either accept that or not.

And by doing the things you like, you become happier. When you're happier, you get more enthusiastic about what you do. And when that happens you can talk about WHY you do the things you do and why they make you happy. And with that you become more confident about who and what you are.

Worked for me, and I've had some self-esteem issues

Good luck

[Spring Haze]

Has anyone else done well in combating serious self-esteem issues?

Yes. It took me years to get over and certainly wasn't easy. Introspection was one of the ways, but it's difficult to direct someone on how to introspect. Another was realizing that only my opinion matters, rather than the opinion(s) of an outside source.

Stop comparing yourself to others if you do that; make a conscience effort to focus on you rather than them. Knowing what your strong points/attributes are is important as well. Find out what they are, and if you already know, work on showcasing them.

You might be interested in this web site - [url]http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_esteem.htm[/url]

As for the situation with this guy, as hard it may be to tone down asking for reassurance, doing so will likely benefit both of you.

[sookie6]

Honey you need to calm down a bit. This is your first significant relationship with a young man and you had sex for the first time not long ago.
Of course you are feeling disoriented and unsure about all these feelings surging through your system.
I would recommend you take one thing at a time. First see how you feel about the relationship itself. Do you feel like it's making you happy or are you upset.
If you're upset about the technicalities of sex you can ask us...drop me a PM I don't mind...
Now if the relationship has uncovered feelings of needs and clinginess that you were not aware of before it's very normal and part of the learning process when you are closed to someone.
I would watch out for 2 things though:

-don't become attached too the guy too quickly. For all you know it could be over tomorrow. You never now when you are in a new relationship and it's part of the game.

-Don't loose sight of yourself and your circle of friends and family. They are your true emotional support when things go wrong in the love department.

One last thing is yes self esteem issues are no solid grounds for a love relationship. How can you trust someone else if you don't trust yourself.

However, I envy you. You are discovering and learning about these things much earlier than I did and this is extremely good for your future. The fact you are identifying all these feelings so soon shows that you've really put some thoughts into all this.

[Tallgeese]

I do not have the biggest penis so I been doing jelqing which seems to be working. I am more confident now.

[doppelgaenger]

What the ****? You're only 2 hours away and you don't see each other often? Dude, my gf lives on the other side of the ocean. Two hours is nothin, man. I'd travel two hours every day if it meant seeing her.

[pixielo]

Thank you all for your helpful replies!

What the ****? You're only 2 hours away and you don't see each other often? Dude, my gf lives on the other side of the ocean. Two hours is nothin, man. I'd travel two hours every day if it meant seeing her.

I'm a full-time student and am hardly at home during the week, and he has a part-time job where he basically works all weekend. And even if we could both make the drive more often, which is hard because neither of us have the extra money for gas right now, our schedules just don't line up very well. It only works out when I get a break from school.

I'm on scholarship though and summer classes aren't covered, so I'm hoping we can spend more time with each other then.