My bf spends too much money on me!

[FeelingCalledL]

There isn't a direct correlation between my boyfriend spending money and my dad indulging in online prostitution. I was just using it as an example to show that yeah, sometimes money ruins people/relationships. I adore my boyfriend, and I would hope that if I were making bad decisions that didn't benefit us as a couple that he would give me an ultimatum too. Doesn't just have to do with spending money. It has to do with all issues that couples face together. They need to work as a team, and a lot of the time one or both forget they're supposed to be on the same side.

If I were supposed to be okay with him blowing his money, then that would be equivalent to shooting myself in the foot. It's called being accountable and taking responsibility, which is something all adults need to know how to do.

Put yourself in the situation. You find out your boyfriend just ran up a $200 tab at the bar last night which was money you were supposed to use to get the car tuned up next week. What do you do?

We are talking about different things. The scenario I have mind is more like:

Let's say you are having trouble with you car, which is really important for your work or socoal life, and have to repair it all the time. So he goes and blows all his saving to buy you a new one. Maybe even take a small loan(which he can easily repay). What about this situation?

[lahnnabell]

I'd be concerned and upset he made such a big decision without consulting me first. I would be appreciative of his thoughtfulness, but he's not necessarily doing the best thing for us as a couple. That is a decision that a couple needs to work out together. It's not just about the money itself, it's about the other person's priorities.

Your priorities can't just simply be about making the other person happy, it has to be about what's good for the couple as a whole. Depleting one's savings and taking out a loan is a terribly irresponsible decision.

[DannyH]

Put yourself in the situation. You find out your boyfriend just ran up a $200 tab at the bar last night which was money you were supposed to use to get the car tuned up next week. What do you do?

I hate that so much another one of those things my ex did. I ended up paying for all the bills including hers. Car payment, phone or rent, insurance. Before I picked up her tabs it was a roulette of which would get screwed. Even when I lost my job I was still paying her stuff. Now that she is in the past lol I feel like my bank account is quite happier lol.

When money issues come up in a negative way guess what something has got to give. Ok good through good times and bad times that's all fine and dandy if they are trying. Just blowing money for no reason which is causing other areas to go missed is not ok but a rough patch because you lost a job might be acceptable as long as you work to fix it. It goes on to long either way the relationship is toast and somebody's credit rating is gonna take a hit.

[chica]

Thanks for the advice everyone Maybe if I give my boyfriend more emotional reassurance, he will realize that he doesn't need to spend money to impress me. But I don't really know if I would call his spending excessive. After reading through this, I am starting to doubt whether my view of "excessive" is really "excessive". The gifts were for my birthday (so they weren't random) and he usually picks up the tab when we go out. I told him I would like to treat him to a night out and pay for him I don't think that this whole situation means that our relationship is doomed to fail; I just think that we need to find a compromise And I believe we can do that.

There are so many things that I appreciate about him, and I wouldn't end our relationship over this issue.

And when you look at our backgrounds, the spending thing is more understandable. In his home country, everything is more expensive, so they seem like more of a bargain here. They are also more prone to gift giving there. Also, his last relationship ended about a year ago, so maybe he has been waiting for a relationship, and therefore, is moving at a faster pace. I just got out of a relationship a month and a half ago so I'm a little more cautious.

But we both know that, so I think we're trying to be patient

[smackie9]

men who don't pay are pussies. and wakeup is one giant cunt.

Wow guys that's just plain rude......

[Wakeup]

Wow guys that's just plain rude......

That all depends on your point of view. I'm actually thinking of using it for my new signature.

[Sonrisa]

Wow guys that's just plain rude......

i thought she was a guy

[Petit Papillon]

Thanks for the advice everyone Maybe if I give my boyfriend more emotional reassurance, he will realize that he doesn't need to spend money to impress me. But I don't really know if I would call his spending excessive. After reading through this, I am starting to doubt whether my view of "excessive" is really "excessive". The gifts were for my birthday (so they weren't random) and he usually picks up the tab when we go out. I told him I would like to treat him to a night out and pay for him I don't think that this whole situation means that our relationship is doomed to fail; I just think that we need to find a compromise And I believe we can do that.

There are so many things that I appreciate about him, and I wouldn't end our relationship over this issue.

And when you look at our backgrounds, the spending thing is more understandable. In his home country, everything is more expensive, so they seem like more of a bargain here. They are also more prone to gift giving there. Also, his last relationship ended about a year ago, so maybe he has been waiting for a relationship, and therefore, is moving at a faster pace. I just got out of a relationship a month and a half ago so I'm a little more cautious.

But we both know that, so I think we're trying to be patient

Turkey expensive? Ehh I don't think so, if it was so, they wouldn't smuggle cigarettes and food to Europe lol . I actually think that no EU country is cheaper than Turkey I think he tells you too many fairy tales and you believe in "things" too easy...

[chica]

OK, not EVERYTHING haha. But quite a lot of things: like technology, gas, jewelry, etc. They are more expensive there than here.

[surfhb]

That all depends on your point of view. I'm actually thinking of using it for my new signature.

lol HAHAHA!!!

[DeFrank]

I had an issue with this when I first started dating my SO. Only because I came from an independent life style and I didn't want someone to spend soooo much on me. I felt very appreciative, but a bit uncomfortable at the same time. Some men are raised to provide for their woman. Other families are raised to share more equal roles. I would say do get to know him and find out more about his upbringing. Some people love to be generous to their partners. Sometimes it's a way to "reel you in" in the beginning of a courtship. The reason I mention this is because you don't ever want to become too financially dependent on this person. If your relationship becomes serious, do keep your own bank account with some savings. Some men will use this to keep you tied down in certain ways. Always play it safe!

On a sidenote, sometimes I would surprise my SO by picking out a restaurant and giving the waitress my credit card as we were walking in. I knew my boyfriend genuinely does like to provide and make me feel taken care of so I take it when offered and do my part where I can as well.