Part 2

[Cain]

that's not easy for most people, that open communication thing.

not easy for the speaker or the recipient.

Well, it's something that she needs to learn. She'll never be able to be in a healthy relationship if she can't communicate.

That's what happened here. She let stuff build and build until she felt like she didn't even want to fix it.

[misombra]

i wouldn't blame the whole thing on her. you're thick skull probably played a part in this.

but i'm glad you're doing better. i really do wish you well.

[Cain]

i wouldn't blame the whole thing on her. you're thick skull probably played a part in this.

but i'm glad you're doing better. i really do wish you well.

As thick as my skull might be, if she came to me telling me that something really bothered her, I'd fix it before I let it jeopardize our relationship.

And I'm always going to love her. It's going to take me a while to be really over this whole break up. I'm a little down, but time will heal it all I guess.

[shh!]

Cain, in your first post on the last page, you said something about "if I am are being pathetic, blah blah blah", and to be blunt, yes you are. This girl sounds like she is distancing herself from you. She is using "fate" the way other girls use "let's be friends". It's a way to minimize the pain she is causing you so she won't feel guilty. It also removes any responsibility for this relationship from her shoulders. If she doesn't fall in love with you, fate must not have wanted it that way. You see? It's not that SHE isn't in love with you; it's FATE deciding against this relationship.

DON'T move there. That is my best advice. The more you post, the less I see this relationship working out.

And I agree with misombra... she is interested in her friend. She probably made herself available to she could see if "fate" would bring them together.

[Cain]

Cain, in your first post on the last page, you said something about "if I am are being pathetic, blah blah blah", and to be blunt, yes you are. This girl sounds like she is distancing herself from you. She is using "fate" the way other girls use "let's be friends". It's a way to minimize the pain she is causing you so she won't feel guilty. It also removes any responsibility for this relationship from her shoulders. If she doesn't fall in love with you, fate must not have wanted it that way. You see? It's not HER not being in love with you; it's FATE deciding against this relationship.

DON'T move there. That is my best advice. The more you post, the less I see this relationship working out.

She's been a believer in fate since before we even talked for the first time. If she misses me while we're broken up, that's fate's way of telling her she wants to be with me in her eyes. I don't agree with it. I don't believe in fate. But it's not like she made this fate thing right when we broke up.

I'm not MOVING there. I've already said this. I'm staying here for school. All I'm doing is working there for a few months instead of here for a few months. I won't be losing out on my schooling since I'll be coming back here after.

[Cain]

And I agree with misombra... she is interested in her friend. She probably made herself available to she could see if "fate" would bring them together.

And if that were to happen, I would gladly walk away.

I've said it before. I won't be second fiddle. If she broke up with me to date someone else, I'll walk away and will have no problems moving on.

I trust her. If there's anything going on between them romantically, she'll tell me.

[shh!]

She's been a believer in fate since before we even talked for the first time. If she misses me while we're broken up, that's fate's way of telling her she wants to be with me in her eyes. I don't agree with it. I don't believe in fate. But it's not like she made this fate thing right when we broke up.

I'm not sure why you think WHEN she decided to believe in fate is relevant to what I said. She is still using it as a way to deflect responsibility, regardless of when she adopted this point of view.

I'm not MOVING there. I've already said this. I'm staying here for school. All I'm doing is working there for a few months instead of here for a few months. I won't be losing out on my schooling since I'll be coming back here after.

^^ That is groveling. Are you going to crawl on your hands and knees and beg her to take you back, too?

[shh!]

And if that were to happen, I would gladly walk away.

I've said it before. I won't be second fiddle. If she broke up with me to date someone else, I'll walk away and will have no problems moving on.

I trust her. If there's anything going on between them romantically, she'll tell me.

That might be the only way you will acknowledge this futility, I'm afraid.

[Cain]

I'm not sure why you think WHEN she decided to believe in fate is relevant to what I said. She is still using it as a way to deflect responsibility, regardless of when she adopted this point of view.

I've already said that I don't agree with this fate shit, but all I'm saying is that I don't believe that she's using fate as a way to let me down easy. If she didn't ever want to be with me again, she'd tell me. It's simple.

^^ That is groveling. Are you going to crawl on your hands and knees and beg her to take you back, too?

When I posted this kind of shit, you and Indi always did that "black and white" bullshit with me... telling me I kept going from one extreme to another. I'm not going there so I can crawl on my hands and knees. I'm going there so I can see what's there. I don't see a problem with that.

I'm going to work, continue going to the gym, and hang out with her every now and then to see what happens. I won't have anything else to do in that three month span so I don't see what the big deal is.

[Cain]

That might be the only way you will acknowledge this futility, I'm afraid.

You win.

The relationship is over and she wants to **** this other guy.

[lesa]

Reread post 91 and pretend someone else on LF wrote it. What would be your advice/reaction? I was going to post some responses (such as yes, you do continue to have feelings and regret a breakup but you know to move on, especially when you know they will never really be compatible) but it's too much drama for me to think about.

The second part of your signature quote is interesting.

It's going to be very difficult...these next few weeks. Misombra means that you lack the experience to make sound decisions for your life when the going gets tough. It's almost as if you will put up with her 'games'. They are b.s. she is giving you. It's up to you on whether you want to deal with it. I think you have decided to deal with it although you say otherwise sometimes on LF. That's fine....it's your life...I'm just saying. First serious love is almost always difficult to think through whenever they end.

My best advice right now is to pretend someone else wrote it (as hard as that may be...try) and what would you advise after a girl he was in a relationship with said those things to him?

[shh!]

Fine. I am only trying to keep you from shredding your dignity, but be that way. It's your life, and you are right. You are the one who has to live with the outcome. I just don't know what you are hoping to hear from us.

[Cain]

Fine. I am only trying to keep you from shredding your dignity, but be that way. It's your life, and you are right. You are the one who has to live with the outcome. I just don't know what you are hoping to hear from us.

I just don't understand how that's shredding my dignity. You act as if I'm going there and am going to be trying to stalk her.

All I want to do is see if we have anything left. I doubt that we'll still be on a no contact basis in seven months. We'll either be talking as friends or we won't be talking at all because we don't want to be friends. If it's the second, I'll obviously not be going... but if we're still friends, I don't see anything wrong with going there and seeing what's there.

[lesa]

She's been a believer in fate since before we even talked for the first time. If she misses me while we're broken up, that's fate's way of telling her she wants to be with me in her eyes. I don't agree with it. I don't believe in fate. But it's not like she made this fate thing right when we broke up.

Why are you with her if you two seem so incompatible in this regards? Were you hoping that she make a change or you make a change? You said that you would have stopped with the video gaming and given her more attention if she had communicated. Why are you expecting her to change that aspect of you through communication? Obviously that is a normal part of you are else you would not have done it.

You guys are NOT compatible...but feel free to stay together and work on it.

Plus, like everyone else said, she is giving you a 'gentle breakup'. You won't know that until months, or years later when you gain those experiences Misombra was talking about.

[Cain]

Reread post 91 and pretend someone else on LF wrote it. What would be your advice/reaction? I was going to post some responses (such as yes, you do continue to have feelings and regret a breakup but you know to move on, especially when you know they will never really be compatible) but it's too much drama for me to think about.

It would depend on what the incompatibilities are. The ones that my ex has mentioned to me so far (unless she's hiding some more) are things that I've already planned to change before we broke up, it was just the break up that added some motivation. I'm changing those things regardless of whether we get back together or not. Hopefully they fix the incompatibilities, but if not, fine.

It's going to be very difficult...these next few weeks. Misombra means that you lack the experience to make sound decisions for your life when the going gets tough. It's almost as if you will put up with her 'games'. They are b.s. she is giving you. It's up to you on whether you want to deal with it. I think you have decided to deal with it although you say otherwise sometimes on LF. That's fine....it's your life...I'm just saying. First serious love is almost always difficult to think through whenever they end.

When we first broke up, I agree that the reasons were BS and it wasn't until I spoke to her more that I finally started to get answers. While I agree that there is probably still more to the break up, the reasons she's given me lately fit more in line with the problems in our relationship.