*~ Cats, wine and much more whine ~* ( a journal)

[nico88]

Sorry you're going through it again, hatesthis. Hope your weekend treats you well.

[hatesthis]

I can't post on here today the forum is slow as **** and makes it impossible to keep a typing connection when you get logged out 12 times, 7 when trying to send out one Pm, ffs...obviously whatever changes have been made in the last 10 days since I last logged onto my account has slowed down the connection immensely and is making it difficult to use this website. Either that or hacked? Have to reply about my time off in here because character PM limits are shitty and would have to send 4 PMs to send this small amount of words out :\


Day after I last posted I had to go to a babies funeral, so sad, my cousins little boy had health issues in and out of hospital since born died and funeral was help that thursday, bless his lil soul. Very depressing situations for all the family... then the day after had to leave half way through my work day to go for the weekend to my oldest brother's out of town, because he just got engaged and wanted all the fam up to celebrate with him, right after all our tears over the baby :\ I just life gives you bad and good. Went there for fri- late sun night, stayed at a hotel with my other brother his gf and my sister and her family, my parents stayed with my brother and his new fiancee. Was a nice enough time, didn't feel like celebrating was close with my cousin who lost her baby and ..well... made the best of the weekend, I tend to find that particular brother to be self involved.

Then got back home late Sunday night to find that my Gf roomie had her BF stay over in my absence and he isn't permitted to use my desktop because he plays games on it, and brings viruses, and I always have to get my computer cleaned because he doesn't work so can't pay for it *sighs* Guess what he did in my absence..YEP! so got back to no working computer for me, they never even took it into the shop for me so could have had it bad maybe Weds... I couldn't take it in until Tuesday and didn't get it back until late yesterday but wasn't set back up until today, made my roomie pay for the repairs because her BF ruined it, not me and she allowed him use of it knowing I said NO. Plus busy with work, did showings all yesterday..

Found out something re my ex too, from June 2013 that I didn't know and that was when he went weird at starts, so this explains it a bit more, doesn't fill in all the blanks but when you have an insecure male it does fill in a lot ... *sighs*

I will answer my past blog replies on a day this site is working quicker, I am sure I will be logged out for the 13th time when I post this reply.

[pcmaster]

Cant believe you been to baby funreal. Hope his parents wasnt too attached to him. Nothing is eternal you know.

You should put a password on computer when leaving. Wierd that games brings in viruses. - Usually its porn, that would explain why she allowed him to use it. Assholes. Ops I mean anal people.

Besides these two happenings your life seems like all flowers and cherries. You should be grateful for what you have.

[Exeter19]

going to give ya a post on here because it is about to get the 30 day lock too, hope all is ok with you. sorry regarding the babies funeral that sounds tough. hope the parents are doing better.

got to agree with pcmaster, i would think porn too that would have caused the viruses.

[hatesthis]

Hi and thanks pcmaster and Exeter for responding and bumping in my absence.

Here's a more recent pic of me...



Yes, going to a babies funeral isn't a good time at all, especially watching the pain in the mother and fathers eyes, you can't get over something like that for a good long time, IMO. She has gone into therapy because she tried to hurt herself which is understandable. Recently had my dad's mom have a health scare and we could have easily lost her this month too, and is difficult because she leaves quite a distance away. My dad got very worried.

I feel like summer never was, gone in a blink of an eye...even though the heat on days retains itself, the feeling of summer left during its season for me.

Her bf plays rpg on websites and games you DL onto computers, both, and re the porn, could very well be that as well, but not like he would cop to watching porn on his GFs rooomies PC while sponging off her at their place...he isn't that upfront. I don't PW protect because I share usage with my roomate who is still in uni and needs active use of the Pc, even more than I do. So isn't fair to her and I think she'd give it to him anyhow smh.

My life isn't all flowers and cherries, you know how depression works, isn't how that goes for us, least the unmedicated "us" ..my life isn't a steaming pile of hot shit either, but somewhere in the middle of it all I'd say. I got a NO internet issue again off my therapist after visiting my other nan with dad.

- - - Updated - - -

I want to be this relaxed:

[pcmaster]

What a beautiful girl !
Jesus Christ you are gorgeous ! What have you done without your dream prince girl?
Bet there many guys who want to give you the best they have. I actually wanted to write some sexual compliments but will hold back because these things have to be done not said.
What about summer I feel pretty much the same about it. Most of the hot sunny days are spend in work and now summer is over - without even swimming once. When I was a teenager like 17 years I promised myself dont miss any sunny day(go out of the house every day and spend outside) and the summer begun ! I was riding a bike, working and resting in garden, visiting gym and the rest of the days been spend on the lake beach and swimming. Why did I grew up?

BTW Im under heavy depression thats caused by long working hours and sleeping 3-4 times less than working. Besides I tried few months without meds and that was mistake. Now will have to get back on them. Life is fair.

[hatesthis]

That was sweet of you, pcmaster, thank you...I had my dream prince for years and he dumped our forever after in the trash because he didn't want to be tied down, I don't really still know the truth of his reasons to be honest, he didn't have and still hasn't got the courage to say the reasons why. ..and I know you'll think why the hell am I pining over someone who doesn't want me and hasn't for months and why can't I move on, because memories and feelings are hard to erase and time does not heal all wounds like silly people spout off to others going through pain, time is just a long reminder to you. Sorry, but wanted to answer your question on the prince thing because you said it.

Oh ho, on wanting to write sexual comments, it isn't even a sexy pic I am having brunch with Gfs in the day in a blazer :p But you made me smile reading that so thank you. Can write what you want, I don't take offense to much said.

I love to swim, my uncle has this really big lovely pool and I am allowed to use it each day if I want so on days when home and feeling good I go swim, too bad you missed out on swimming, I love it so much too.

I am the same way as you, I love being outdoors, I never understood how people enjoy working out inside gyms, when they could be outside enjoying life and exercise and sport.
Is it getting cold for you there now, we had it up to 25 today and sunny.

Have you got your meds changed, would that help you, change the dosage? Sorry you tried without and it didn't go well

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Have to log out for now, but hopefully will get back online this Weds. Have a wonderful Sunday and hope you can get a good 7 hrs sleep at least.

[pcmaster]

Girl you could be so happy right now. Like I said you look perfect. If you had no past. Hope you will meet a guy who will erase everything from your brain and you wont remember anything.
Hatethis you still are young girl and have whole life ahead of you. Just aim for positive interactions with any guys you feel anyway attracted to. I do this at work with girls every day - it lifts up my mood, entertains them and really helps keep sanity. Of course never take these interactions to sexual level because its work not a nightclub.

[nico88]

Beautiful pic hatesthis. I like that your smiling. You look really happy.

Glad you're posting again and as I said in one of our pms glad your nan is on the mend.

[Exeter19]

looking pretty, hatesthis, you always look like a fun person to hang out with in your pics and a nice person. same as nico with his pics too, pc and I haven't posted as many as you both, lmao for you to judge on us i guess. but i second what pc told you about one day you'll meet the one that makes all the bad in the past go away, at least away in the way you don't continually think or hurt from the ex, you move past. he should be grateful that someone truly loved him, and want to give you any closure you wanted but closure is a gift and some aren't evolved into to do for others, too self invested, if it doesn't help them they would rather not bother, ya know, so remember that.

[Exeter19]

you doing okay? pcmaster hasn't been on lately either, hope he is alright too. going to give you a bump, because if you get a lock good luck reopening it here. thought you'd appreciate this pic lmao.

you have an ex you can't get a conversation with and I have one that won't leave me alone or my family alone, no ****in middle ground anywhere.

[pcmaster]

Good pic Exeter ! Great at you are still around. Nice to see good old members like you popin in time to time.

I wonder where is Hatethis. Must be really busy or ... I wonder if she dies for how long we will keep this blog up. Thats just my strange thinking lol.
Btw looks like word BUMP in pic are 3D - wish I had 3D glasses here.

Remember Hatethis said that everyone can write here. So Im gona write a little about myself.
Few days ago I left hospital where I spend 28 days. Been fighting heavy depression there. Had too much work and stress that got me there. Had to call sick on job while I was there. Im still officialy sick but when my "sick page" ends - after 4 days - they will suck me. Because officialy they have no rights to suck me while Im sick. However I talked with boss recently and he said they found new worker instead already. And I dont blame them - I know what a heavy load is there at work when one guy is missing. Previousy another guy went on sick and I and other guy was the ones who took all the damage. Other guy been even sleeping at work.
However the good think is I been visiting gym yesterday. Havent been in a gym more than two years so it was nice change. While I was working never had time or energy for it. Now I do !

Have to finish my studies despite everything. Can give up dream just because life hit me once. Like Rocky said

Rocky Balboa: Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!

[Exeter19]

damn, pc, you doing okay these days? i see hatesthis has not returned yet, maybe she thinks the forum is still not working right and stopped checking it. her thread is about to get the 30 day lock again, thought she'd been back by now.

i don't know she does have depression, so you never know, you'd understand how she feels more than most. 28 days voluntarily, or not? good you got back to the gym, it will occupy your thoughts, keep you active, are you at the same job?

what are you studying at university, what degree?

[pcmaster]

I think hatesthis been checking this but havent posted because like always she wants to make big post and put some useful pics there. Maybe shes busy and have enough interesting things in her life so no need for forum.

Im doing better thanks.It was 28 days voluntarily. Getting stronger in the gym. Today did some squads, bend over rows and dumbbell bench presses. Also military barbell press and lat pull downs. Thats basically whole strength program I do every third day.

[Exeter19]

i don't think she's logged in since her last post, she doesn't hide her online status so you can see her last log in via the profile. maybe she'll get on before we hit 2015, hope she's living a good life and nothing bad. forum was being a huge pain in the neck months ago, i gave up for weeks on it too. i'd think if she checked us talking about her in her blog she'd log in and reply, don't think she has checked.

that is good you knew and felt it right to go into the hospital, a lot of people don't. something to be proud of, helping yourself get better is a big deal. did the 28 days drag on or go by quick? man you are going full on with the gym/workouts, do you do any martial arts, if not give that a go too. do you run, swim or bike too? i left you and hatesthis a mention in that off topics christmas thread.