When Did Cheating Become So Acceptable?

[QueenofCorona]

Or you could just NOT marry him and find someone decent. If you sink to his level, you are as bad as him. And a hypocrite.

[Doc Durian]

my personal values have always been to find someone i can love deeply, get married and grow old together. however meeting my ex-boyfriend exposed me to the ugly world of infidelity. his personal life and past relationships are messed up. if i were to marry him, i think i WILL have extra-marital affairs. not because i have loose values, but because his cheating makes me disrespect him and the marriage with him.

The chicken before the egg, or the egg before the chicken?

It's still a whole yolk of personal depravity which takes the paint off of any polished soul.

[RdHrshyKss]

so i'm relatively new to this forum, and it's been awhile since the last individual posted a comment on this thread...but i wanted to throw out a couple things that weren't talked about in any detail.

the reason it seems that cheating is more commonplace nowadays is because of how society has developed. as had been mentioned, cheating was predominantly done by males in the past, mainly because women were considered inferior and would have had to deal with horrible consequences if their infidelity was discovered. screw the scarlet letter reference, how about death? anyone remember ann boleyn or catherine howard who were both killed by the same man, king henry VIII? the death penalty for their infidelity was considered just, meanwhile it was commonplace for the husband to have extramarital affairs and get away with it. why? because of the way the family was structured back then. the women's role was to take care of the family and the household, while the men worked and educated themselves. it was considered natural for men to want sex and from different women. men would marry women for dowry's or family prestige, and women would marry men for security. to confront a man on his infidelity would have risked that security. so to protect themselves and their children, women tolerated it and it became "acceptable".

cheating is something that has been commonplace since humans stepped foot on earth, this is where i feel this "cheating" ideal stems biologically. women were the child bearers, so having multiple partners didn't benefit them. it benefited men because they could produce more offspring that way. as time went on, men and women continued to have their roles dictated to them...in very general terms, men were the breadwinners and women the housekeepers. as societies developed, education grew, and people became more intelligent. industries boomed and individualism grew. the US is a great example of a country whose development and growth stemmed from industrialization and capitalism. at last people were being given the freedom to "pursue his own interest his own way, and to bring both his industry and capital into competition with those of any other man, or order of men" (Adam Smith). i believe this ideal is what has made cheating more apparent. the idea that each person has the right to pursue their own interests has led to people discarding a lot of the set roles and ideals that had been dictated to us for so long. cheating has been around for a long time, but has become more commonplace because people have the freedom to do so. although it is frowned upon and common law would dictate that adultery is wrong, it still occurs and with much more frequency. maybe it is because we have become more selfish...although i don't think that's the case. i think we as humans are naturally that way, it's just that society has given us the freedom to act upon it more readily. it's exacerbated in the media and television, in books and even online with dating sites and networking sites galore. it is more readily available so we consume it. and being extremely more knowledgeable, can come up with tons of reasons and excuses that it would be acceptable. we are more open-minded to things because it benefits us that way. we are growing in every direction...mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. and with all that growth comes changes in people's outlook on life, on family, on love, on sex, on absolutely everything. i would say that people are feeling more in control of their own lives and outside influences (although still there) have decreased in their effectiveness.

i personally would not cheat on my spouse or partner. i'm young, i'm not married, and my longest relationship has been only 4 years, so people can go on and say i don't have enough experience, yada yada. it's true, i haven't been in a relationship or marriage for decades, but i consider myself a moral person. i would be disgusted with myself if i were to cheat on my partner and try to come up with excuse after excuse as to why it was OK. we are all rational human beings (for the most part) and have the ability to make a right vs. wrong decision. there is always a better decision available to you when thinking about cheating. if someone would like to prove me wrong, and give me an example of cheating being the only possible decision a person could make, i would be extremely anxious to hear it. cheating involves an individual putting temptations and their own self-gratification interests before all else. yes, our society is based off of pursuing our own self-interests, but i don't believe the intentions were at the expense of others. that is exactly what cheating is, at the expense of your parter, the person you are supposed to love.

i personally hope that i can have some backbone and be able to keep my partner's feelings and trust in me sacred. if i'm not happy in the relationship and am starting to feel the need to look for sex or emotional support elsewhere, then i'll leave. people can use the excuse of children, but would you honestly rather bring your children up in a family where the husband and wife are no longer loving each other? where the husband or wife is getting the support they need from someone else? you will completely distort your children's view of love and marriage and it will be highly likely that they will go on to live in that same manner (unhappily) in their adulthood. i know i would not want to raise children to be like that. i would much rather teach them to deal with hard truths, no matter how shitty they might feel in the beginning, in the hopes that everyone will be better off in the long run. there is no need to put yourself or your partner through unnecessary hurt.

you can argue that it is prevalent and it is commonplace and that it will most likely stay that way as long as we grow as a species that looks out for our own self-interests, but i will still argue, along with incognito, that just because it is commonplace does not mean that it is right. slavery was commonplace throughout the world, is still commonplace in certain areas, but does it make it right? no, it doesn't. i'm sure that if you were to take a poll of everyone (cheaters, non-cheaters, etc.) the result would most likely reflect an overall NEGATIVE outlook on cheating/infidelity.

i've been cheated on in the past and it is a horrible, horrible feeling. maybe my ex's cheating is what has given me the drive to NOT want to do that to someone else. when people feel the need to lie to the person that they are supposed to love the most, it throws everything that had been built over so many years out the window. people can be forgiving, and being forgiving is an amazing characteristic, one that takes a lot of strength. but forgiving and accepting are two separate things. i might be willing to forgive in certain circumstances, but i sure as hell would never accept cheating from my partner. it is UNacceptable in my eyes...