Part 2

[misombra]

so, if there's nothing going on with this other guy, why is she telling you about him?

cain, you should focus on yourself and working on school and working on making something of yourself rather than a girlfriend right now. she's not ready to take on such an intense relationship and you're not experienced enough to settle on one person right now.

[Cain]

so, if there's nothing going on with this other guy, why is she telling you about him?

That's the reason she never mentioned him before. The only reason she mentioned him now was because I kept asking because I really wanted to know.

cain, you should focus on yourself and working on school and working on making something of yourself rather than a girlfriend right now. she's not ready to take on such an intense relationship and you're not experienced enough to settle on one person right now.

I am working on school and I am working on betting myself. I have experience with relationships, just not as much as some of you that are in your 30s. I'm not a dater. I don't just date around. I like serious relationships.

And her not being ready to take on a serious relationship is fine. I'm working on me right now, but I still want to see what happens with her in the future.

[misombra]

i'm not talking about experiences with relationships. i'm talking about experiences in general.

[Cain]

i'm not talking about experiences with relationships. i'm talking about experiences in general.

What kind of experiences?

I don't see how a serious relationship would stop be from having experiences.

[misombra]

well cain, i don't know what else to tell you.

you will see for yourself.

[Cain]

well cain, i don't know what else to tell you.

you will see for yourself.

What experiences are you talking about? That's my question. If you're talking about just experiencing life, then I'm fine with that. I'm not looking for a new serious relationship right now, but I have too much history with my ex to not be willing to get back into a serious relationship with her if things work out.

Is that wrong?

[misombra]

boy your skull is so thick. did i ever recommend you not getting back together with her? are you just making shit up in your mind? i think so.

anyway no i don't think it's wrong. but i don't think you should even think about changing your life course for this girl right now. i know you want to get married and have kids right away but you're setting yourself up for tremendous disappointment by doing that.

this girl is pushing you further and further away. do you want to know why? it's because you keep asking her questions and demanding this and that from her. i don't care how many times you say that's not what you're doing it IS what you're doing and it messed things up with this person and it's pretty much ruined your chances of getting back with her.

now she wants no contact. that is no good for you, my friend.

[Cain]

boy your skull is so thick. did i ever recommend you not getting back together with her? are you just making shit up in your mind? i think so.

You said not to pursue a serious relationship because I don't have any experience... and you won't tell me what experience you're talking about. If you tell me not to pursue a serious relationship, you're telling me not to get back with her.

anyway no i don't think it's wrong. but i don't think you should even think about changing your life course for this girl right now. i know you want to get married and have kids right away but you're setting yourself up for tremendous disappointment by doing that.

I've already decided that I wasn't moving there for good like I had planned before just because I want to finish school here since there's no guarantees with her.

this girl is pushing you further and further away. do you want to know why? it's because you keep asking her questions and demanding this and that from her. i don't care how many times you say that's not what you're doing it IS what you're doing and it messed things up with this person and it's pretty much ruined your chances of getting back with her.

f my chances with her are ruined because I wanted the real reason for the break up, fine. I think I deserved that much. After the first couple of days... the shock of the break up... I finally got through that and was avoiding talking about our relationship. I spoke to her, asked how things were doing, joked around... that was it. That was all I did. Another week and a half went by and we spoke again yesterday and this time we talked about us again. All I wanted to know was the actual reason, and I wanted to know that because I wanted to know if it was something I could change. Not just for her, but for me... some things I'm not changing. And some things I am.

now she wants no contact. that is no good for you, my friend.

She doesn't want no contact because she doesn't want to talk to me ever again. She told me again yesterday that she wants me in her life. All we're doing with the no contact is to see if there are any feelings still after the end of it. It's not just for her... it's for me too. I might be over her completely by the time we speak again. I might not. She might be over my completely. She might not. That's all this is. It's not a "I never want to speak to you again" thing.

[misombra]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you're breaking up my posts in those little boxes.

[misombra]

well, maybe after a couple weeks of not talking to you she'll forget how you are and want to get back with you again.

[Cain]

well, maybe after a couple weeks of not talking to you she'll forget how you are and want to get back with you again.

How I am?

What do you mean how I am?

[misombra]

you have a thick skull.

but i don't think you're a bad guy. you just have a lot of learning and experiencing of life to do before you think about settling down. you could be an even better guy and give your family more of yourself.

anyway i already know what you're gonna say. you're gonna separate all my sentences and say something like, "i already decided that's what i'm gonna do." "well i guess i'll just take your advice and leave it all alone and see where that gets me." "so you're saying i should just let her go on and **** other guys while i sit around and wait here?"

see, that's how you are.

[Cain]

you have a thick skull.

Okay?

Anyways, if we go through this no contact and nothing comes from it... so be it. I'm not going to keep chasing her. I'll leave her be until I graduate from my program and take my little three or four month vacation. If it doesn't work out even after that, I'll be done for good.

I'm hoping it works out, but I'm not holding my breath. I do know that if we do get back together, we've got to fix things because I can't keep doing this "don't say what the problem is until it's too late." We need to communicate when we don't like something.

[misombra]

that's not easy for most people, that open communication thing.

not easy for the speaker or the recipient.

[Cain]

you have a thick skull.

but i don't think you're a bad guy. you just have a lot of learning and experiencing of life to do before you think about settling down. you could be an even better guy and give your family more of yourself.

anyway i already know what you're gonna say. you're gonna separate all my sentences and say something like, "i already decided that's what i'm gonna do." "well i guess i'll just take your advice and leave it all alone and see where that gets me." "so you're saying i should just let her go on and **** other guys while i sit around and wait here?"

see, that's how you are.

This situation has already taught me that I'm not ready to settle down with her. But that doesn't change the fact that I do want to be with her. I'm still not expecting to be 30 when I start having kids but if that's what happens, fine.

If it takes her dating another guy for her to realize what she had with me, then I'm all for it. My plans aren't changing for the next year. I'm getting through school and going over there for a couple of months. No pressure on her because I'm not going to be staying with her.