Hearts Broken - Long... :(

[Tommy]

Ya think this is the recipe for getting someone back?

I wouldn't mind.

Might be, just might be

Nah thoug, it's how we used to be, and hopefully it's how we stay for a VERY long time

[artyemi]

Well, I'm in a romantic mood.

[Tommy]

Well, I'm in a romantic mood.

Here's some more for you then

Saturday was a anniversary and I got her this AWESOME Bright purple rose, her favorite candy and a nice card.... We cuddled that night to....

[artyemi]

Purple!!!!! AAAAAA!!!!

I love purple. It's my birthstone color. That aside.

Awwww, that's so sweet.

[Jsnowman]

Great job buddy! Glad to hear it's working out. I wish you the best of luck. One thing to stress though
Don't take it for granted that you are back with her.
The moment you slip back to what caused the breakup, you're back at square one and you didn't learn anything.
However, from reading your posts, I can tell you care for this girl a lot.
I think this was just a hurdle in your relationship that you got over quite well.
You'll have more, but you'll get though them with a clear head.
Good luck to you. Have fun on your trip and keep us posted!

[Tommy]

Alrighty update - Sand Hollow/Vegas was fun, everything seemed well. We've hung out, BBQ'd etc. So we had a great time...

Now: She called me this morning and I was just messing telling her to come entertain me... Guess it bothered her.

Asked her if she wanted to go to the Gym with me - she said no.... Guess THAT bothered her...

Well I don't hear from her all day, then she calls me during class. I text and tell her i'm in class, but i'll call her in a min.

She texts back saying she's gonna take a nap, but was really bothered today and doesn't think either of us have changed.

So I'm like "WTF" and call her. She says she doesn't think i've changed with the way I act... I get quiet sometimes because of what she did while we were broken up (use your imagination, you'll prolly be right), but I don't voice it or bring it up since it's in the past.

We talk for a little bit, and i'm just confused as ****. I told her I want commitment, marriage, kids etc and if she doesn't want a future like me then we can't work out. I told her if she's not on the same page as me, then we just need to call it quits and go our seperate ways.

She told me "she has doubts" that we will really change. I told her we could go see a relationship councelor and try and get things back onto track.

I explained to her why I get quiet sometimes, and knowing what she did DOES bother me. Some guy called her last night and one thing she said was "we'll have to hang out"... So ya I got annoyed, and got quiet keeping ym feelings inside as to not offend her.

Well I guess me being quiet offended her... I explained to her I don't like guys calling her and saying she wants to hang out with them etc etc..

I explained that with the stuff she did I am very insecure VERY.... I gave her a analogy stating "if I did what you did with another girl while we were broken up, and then random chicks called my phone you'd be pissed to."

She said, ya it would bother me bad. She said she had a dream the other night of a girl calling me and I made plans to go out with her. She said it made her sad and freaked out, but then she feels she can do what she fears me doing... I was like WTFWTF

I basically told her we need to figure this shit out, cause it's getting rediculous. Either she'll commit to me or i'm outie...

I'll update more later, guess i'll go over to her house and see what can come of this. I am honestly worried our relationship is going to end, but really I am having insecure thoughts and TRUST issues right now, which isn't healthy to begin with.

[Asip4u]

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy...you gotta let it go bud...If you truly want it to work out, you have to stop with all the insecurities. You've explained yourself to her, what she does now is out of your control. If she does something to an extreme like sleep with another guy, you know that she doesn't love you and it's time to move on. I know it's hard bud, but you have to show her that it doesn't bother you and when she sees that you're secure and trust her with everything, she will quiet down and start looking at you more seriously. Good luck bro.

[artyemi]

and so we learn that relationships are often hard to get right back to...

[Tommy]

and so we learn that relationships are often hard to get right back to...

I knew i wouldn't be easy, but we will work on it and see what happens. I don't give up easily...

[artyemi]

yea.. me neither.. but recently, i just decided i'd stop settling..

you know.. there are these insecurities that we have that are so hard to let go..

[Tommy]

yea.. me neither.. but recently, i just decided i'd stop settling..

you know.. there are these insecurities that we have that are so hard to let go..

Ya, it's been about 2 weeks since we been back together and I still have to work through the insecurities i've gotten from this experience, but I am trying by best to do so....

I just want things to work out, i'm ready for my future and I want her in it, but only time will tell if that is an option or not.

[artyemi]

yea.. and time doesn't exactly go fast either.

maybe if you focus on the here and now and not worry about wanting her in your future but that wanting to enjoy her now. but it's hard. two people's goals are different and want different things..

[Tommy]

yea.. and time doesn't exactly go fast either.

maybe if you focus on the here and now and not worry about wanting her in your future but that wanting to enjoy her now. but it's hard. two people's goals are different and want different things..

Ya, i'm focusing on us now trying to work through our issues. She has insecurities as well. I think i'll see if she wants to really see a councilor and if so set up some sessions.

[Tone]

Wow... after she tells you how much it would bother her if you did it to her yet she does it to you... I'd just make sure you bring that up - "How can you sit there and tell me you would hate it if I did this to you, yet you think it's fair to do it to me?" Tell her to be sure these knuckleheads that call her know you two are back together and leave it at that. You can't focus on it. If you are together you have to trust her like Asip said. Don't let those insecurities ruin you. If she cheats, she cheats. At least you know it was HER not YOU constantly worrying and nagging and being insecure that ruined the relationship.

You have to continue to be that great guy and let go of the petty things. You can't control the relationship - if guys call her guys call her. If she chooses to act on it she chooses to hurt the relationship. It's out of your control man, you have to be strong and not let these things control you and bring more destruction to the relationship. Think of the sand in palm analogy. The more you clench your fist to hold the sand in the more it slips through your fingers... the more you try to close your hands and control the relationship, the more it will slip away.

Also take your own advice about not focusing on the past... she did what she did. She cannot change the past. You guys were broken up - you're now back together like you wanted - DO NOT BLOW IT by focusing on the past. It's hard I know - but you have to get over it and focus on the future, think of it as a clean slate and treat it that way.

Also, just out of curiousity, what exactly did she do? If you don't mind me asking. But again - like you tell everyone else (great advice too) do not focus on the past.

Best of luck bro, keep us updated.

[Tommy]

Wow... after she tells you how much it would bother her if you did it to her yet she does it to you... I'd just make sure you bring that up - "How can you sit there and tell me you would hate it if I did this to you, yet you think it's fair to do it to me?" Tell her to be sure these knuckleheads that call her know you two are back together and leave it at that. You can't focus on it. If you are together you have to trust her like Asip said. Don't let those insecurities ruin you. If she cheats, she cheats. At least you know it was HER not YOU constantly worrying and nagging and being insecure that ruined the relationship.

You have to continue to be that great guy and let go of the petty things. You can't control the relationship - if guys call her guys call her. If she chooses to act on it she chooses to hurt the relationship. It's out of your control man, you have to be strong and not let these things control you and bring more destruction to the relationship. Think of the sand in palm analogy. The more you clench your fist to hold the sand in the more it slips through your fingers... the more you try to close your hands and control the relationship, the more it will slip away.

Also take your own advice about not focusing on the past... she did what she did. She cannot change the past. You guys were broken up - you're now back together like you wanted - DO NOT BLOW IT by focusing on the past. It's hard I know - but you have to get over it and focus on the future, think of it as a clean slate and treat it that way.

Also, just out of curiousity, what exactly did she do? If you don't mind me asking. But again - like you tell everyone else (great advice too) do not focus on the past.

Best of luck bro, keep us updated.

Bout time you jumped in

I haven't brought up the past at all, just stated it's caused some inner demons in me that i'm gonna work through with time.

My mom is a doctor and just got me Zoloft so I think this will help with the emotions and my anger ( i haven't shown ANY slightness of anger or annoyance as I've been working on it myself). Genetically I have an imbalance of chemicals and of course have a syndrome called ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder, meaning I get pissed quick .

I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend and show her why she should... be with me.

Make her breakfast in bed, always cuddle etc etc. Anything that I used to do, I still do.

When this guy called, he asked what she was doing and she did say "I'm going to my boyfriends house, so that's reassuring.

As far as what she did - I haven't told ANYONE, but I'll tell you when I found out it caused me to punch 12 sheets of drywall (stacked) and bust my middle knuckle.... so ya.... Your igamination can fill in the rest....

Well i'm off to do some work, i'll catch ya'll later, let ya know whats up.