Winning her back

[Lite]

But none of that changes what I actually feel in my chest and stomach and all that.

Clearly I need to change something in my approach to recovery. I want to try meeting new people. Well, my first thought is that I don't, and I don't care to, but rationally I want to try it because it's commonly recommended and it makes sense to me that it might help.


How the **** do I do it, though?

You need to develop new habits, new rituals, new rotes in your life that are not tied to her in any way. It sounds silly but one of the things that I find great comfort in, is coming home and following a specific routine when I walk in the door. My keys, wallet, phone all go in one area, money next to it...change in my change dish, laptop bag in the same place every time.

Change it up. Rearrange your furniture. Find a new route to go home. Things that make you open to change and learning that focus you on the future rather than on the past and the fact that you're lacking a comfort.

[DatWin]

Are you a cutter too? Jeez man I mean come on. You are obviously scared of the unknown and scared to be alone. Have more respect for yourself. That girl sounds terrible. She will do this to you your whole life. Breaking up now is a blessing imagine if you had gotten married. Everytime you think you "miss her" take your head and bash it 30 times or so into a marble countertop and it probably will be less painful then a lifetime with this bitch.

Listen for whatever reasons guys cant let go of their first. You Christopher Columbused that pussy and your having trouble letting go. But you have to. Throw away all her pictures, letters, clothing, etc and go on a voyage for some new kitty.

[and_for_what]

You need to develop new habits, new rituals, new rotes in your life that are not tied to her in any way. It sounds silly but one of the things that I find great comfort in, is coming home and following a specific routine when I walk in the door. My keys, wallet, phone all go in one area, money next to it...change in my change dish, laptop bag in the same place every time.

Change it up. Rearrange your furniture. Find a new route to go home. Things that make you open to change and learning that focus you on the future rather than on the past and the fact that you're lacking a comfort.

Yea - I really sorted out my bedroom (I rent a room in a shared house) when she left me. I came to this city with just what I could fit in a rucksack, so I had been borrowing blankets and sheets etc. from her. I bagged them up and took them back to her right away, and got stuff of my own. I gave back all the other items of hers that she'd left at mine.

I don't know if I can ever really live in this city any more, after all this. It has darkened the whole place, and so long as I live here I'll know she is there. Actually it's especially bad because her work is just up the road from me, and her boyfriend's sister lives right around the corner, so I always see his car parked there and stuff. In fact today as I was cycling into town I passed my gf and him in his car, driving back to his place. I can't really avoid the roads I use. I know what time she finishes work and so I suppose if I needed to I could make sure I'm not on his route home any time around then. It probably just makes me look like a ****ing stalker or something, anyway, if they see me riding by. As though I planned it or something.

I was talking on msn to a mutual friend of ours. A girl that we knew back at university. She was more friends with my girlfriend than me, but I knew her too. She was sad to hear about it all, and it made me feel a lot better to talk to someone who actually knew us. She recommended, as others have, that I move and go somewhere else. Or go travelling or something.

Maybe I really should? I might make a new thread about it. This one is getting stale.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

[Gigabitch]

Could you go somewhere else for the summer? Maybe Fras could help you get set up with Americorps or something.

[and_for_what]

Could you go somewhere else for the summer? Maybe Fras could help you get set up with Americorps or something.

I suppose I could. Hell, I could go anywhere. I'm very lucky that I have a lot of money saved. I have been living off that since October, and I have a good deal still left. I could basically survive in my current lifestyle for another 18 months if I needed to. If I went abroad to somewhere cheap, like the far east, I could probably live there for 5 years on my savings.

Really the only thing that's keeping me here is my damn business. I was ready to rock and roll as soon as things got started again after the new year, but then this happened and I couldn't even eat, let alone do anything productive for my business. I feel that it is still a great idea and it could still work - but it was all kind of done with my girlfriend in mind, so that I could solidify my presence in this town, and earn money for us, and stay here permanently. Now it all just seems so pointless. But I know I really ought to give it a shot, still. It's just really hard when the whole place is like a nightmarish toy town set up by some demon kids. The sun came out for the first time in weeks today - the first time in months, maybe. It felt so amazing. This town is so ****ing grey and shit.

[Desolayted]

Ok I would support you in both ways. But its really up to you not the people of this forum not your bestfriend but you.

If you think u can win her back go ahead try and you might suceed but if u do and fail it will end up hurting you more.

So theres a chance of you being happy or sad.
Goodluck.

-branden

[and_for_what]

Week 6? It's 17 days since I last contacted her, and I'm feeling awesome, all last week as well. I've been going out and doing a lot of stuff, been to some other towns to visit friends, I spent this weekend in London like that. In addition there's two or three girls from around here who have taken quite a liking to me, so I'll see what happens there.
Also, exactly when I thought it would happen, to the day, my ex sent a couple of e-mails saying how she's "been looking at our photos and blah blah blah didn't we have some great times, omg I miss your company and shit."
I didn't reply, and don't intend to

I'm pretty grateful that my ex did what she did, right now. And the way she did it, as well. No other way would have been intense enough to throw me to where I finally landed. If she'd just tried to break up gently we'd probably still kind of be together and stuff, and this is better than that at the moment.

[and_for_what]

lol, **** - I spoke too soon! Just now I was coming back from the shops and suddenly she was there standing on the corner. She was all like *shocked OMG HI*. I said "alright" and went to keep walking. She said something like "no no you can't just.. erm you don't have a er... no actually never mind".
So I continued walking.

Presumably she was waiting there for her boyfriend and maybe wanted to borrow my phone or something? Not sure.
Anyway it made me feel a bit weird. It's been over two weeks since I saw her and I wish I hadn't seen her today! I'm ok though, still.