Live-in boyfriend not manning up because I won't get abortion

[smackie9]

She never acted scared or hurt, she acted self entitled, using that baby as leverage.

[basilandthyme]

I said from the start OP needs to accept responsibility and prepare to do this alone. That doesnt mean shes not allowed to feel hurt about it or angry and a little sensitivy wouldnt go astray. She hasnt been back. Shes been scared away by some of you vultures

And I said from the beginning, I'd have sympathy for her if she'd approached the situation in a less entitled manner. It's not her situation which has lost my sympathy, it's her attitude.

I think she's as much as a 'vulture' as any of the responses. What goes around comes around.

[dickriculous]

And I said from the beginning, I'd have sympathy for her if she'd approached the situation in a less entitled manner. It's not her situation which has lost my sympathy, it's her attitude.

I think she's as much as a 'vulture' as any of the responses. What goes around comes around.

Even if you take her shitty attitude out of the equation there's still the fact of the matter that she gave him her word to have an abortion if she got pregnant. Now she's trying to exploit the fact that she has 100% birth rights and he has none in order to go back on her word and force the issue of a fatherhood on him that she has already agreed never to try to force on him.

No matter what her attitude is about it now, what she did is still indefensible.

That said this is most likely a troll thread - the number of trolls who pretend to be this stupid far outweigh the number of people who are actually this stupid which makes that a safe bet - so I'm out.

[basilandthyme]

And more in defence of the man....

If a man says upfront that under no circumstances does he want a child, a woman does have the choice to tell him that this is not what she wants in a partner and dump him.

[HeartIsAching]

OP hasn't been back since the first post...

Verdict: Successful Troll.

[basilandthyme]

Extremely successful. But it's also been an interesting debate

[Wakeup]

What pisses me off?

Women have all the choices in the world now: reliable contraception, safe and legal abortion, single mother's pensions, adoption. And all without being expected to permanently sterilise.

And what do men get? A figurative shotgun to the head to make them 'do the right thing' or the expectation to sterilise. Women have so many choices and men have none.

I think equality should work both ways.

I agree with the gist of that but why the hell wouldn't he get sterilized if he doesn't want children? Why not just shoot blanks and not worry about some chick trapping him or going back on her word?

[basilandthyme]

I agree with the gist of that but why the hell wouldn't he get sterilized if he doesn't want children? Why not just shoot blanks and not worry about some chick trapping him or going back on her word?

In the OP's example, he doesn't want kids NOW. (or possibly hasn't found the right mother for his kids yet)

People change their minds. I've known guys who were never going to marry....and then they met the girl of their dreams and changed their minds. I was never going to have children, and then I met my now partner and changed my mind.

I'm very grateful that I didn't do anything permanent about my fertility while I was with my ex. This guy may well find a lovely partner in the future and want kids with her - just like I did.

[Wakeup]

We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.

That, to me means that at the age of 40 he does not want kids now due to his age etc. He is 40 is he not?

Until op comes back, then that is up to interpretation. I have a feeling she won't be back because this was just a set-up to start a dialogue going (good job, op). If my interpretation is correct, and never wants children, then there is absolutely no reason not to get a vasectomy.

BTW it is men that say they don't want them NOW that cause women to do the bait and switch. Most would figure that in time, he will want them and so they continue the relationship hoping that that time will eventually come. So 'NOW' isn't any reason why he should not have taken care of his own sperm and choices.

She's an idiot who has taken things into her own hands, I'm in agreement totally with that but you paint men as totally without responsibility for their own actions or even choices for that matter when that's not so. That's an enabling dialogue. IMO

Bottomline: If he didn't want children WITH HER then he should have made sure (or at least more certain) that it wasn't going to happen by either getting himself fixed or wearing a condom while he was her romantic partner.

Two wrong people. Don't make a right.

Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??

My guess... forever. At 40 He'd have had them by now if he was going to have them. I'm sure she agrees, thats why she did the ole bait and switch on him. Had he gotten fixed or worn a condom there would be nothing to debate over.

BTW, OP: (i'm sure you're lurking) How long he waits to have children (if he's even considering it (doubtful) then that would be NONE of your business. You went in knowing that he didn't want them with YOU if he had you agree to an abortion if you got pregnant. So its not like you didn't know he didn't want them. I can't see a man that eventually wanted children would expect an abortion. That alone would make me run from him if I DID want them.