Do we think this is a cause for concern, or maybe a good thing?

[Tonia2]

Yeah, we are so much further along, and seem to be making tiny breakthroughs all the time. His friend is interested in becoming his lodger. I said in response that that would cramp our style, and that all the subterfuge was becoming tiresome and awkward. He said that this guy already knows about us and that he would feel completely comfortable conducting our relationship in front of him. So that made me feel better.

Its strange isn't it... he is very naive in lots of ways and I totally agree about the kids thing. I think he has just seen his ex-wife and her kid and the joy that it has brought her and he also sees his friends all trying for kids. He is projecting that this fixes everything, but what a wally really...

I was pretty surprised when he said that he had really thought the relationship was completely over a couple of months ago, but I don't trust his feelings. How did I have so much conviction that it could be salvaged if he really was that made up about it? My mother would be telling me that I deserve to be loved unconditionally and that I should never take him back if he ever had doubts, but I think this is naive. He opened up a bit more about why he thought it had ended and referred to me making it too easy, but he still can't really seem to put his finger on it. I don't know if I will ever want to find out exactly how little he loved me by the end.

As far as cohabiting goes, I really think I would baulk at the thought of moving in with him at the moment and I don't know when, if ever this will change. He has twice flaked out on me in this situation. I said this on the phone to him, and he said that he too would have to be much surer about things, but again I don't trust his feelings - he can be quite childlike in his desires and his fickle affections. I can't afford to invest more in this for him to freak out on me again - at the moment it is comfortable keeping him at arms length, but I know that something will have to change eventually.

I feel pretty exhausted by the amount of emotional energy I have expended and the work that I have done on myself. I would love to go away on an uncomplicated and fun weekend with him soon...

Thanks again for your help with these issues.

[Tonia2]

Hi Guys. Just to update - just had another great weekend with him. The highlights include him suggesting we go to Thailand together, offering to come and pick up my new kitten with me and generally being lovely completely unprompted.

It can happen, but it is like a new relationship. Keep the faith.