girlfriend hooked up with friend

[whaywardj]

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Care to elaborate?

As OV says, you've a got a live grenade on your hands; one that is likely to go off (get off?) in a haze of anti-depressants and alcohol the moment she notices she's "lonely and craving" whatever pity-party-oh-I-was-so-drunk drek she thinks can use on people to justify her behavior...one more time. And one more time, and one more time...

Dude: She didn't fuk the guy just once. You say she didn't know he was with someone, then you say she shrugs that fact off. You say this sleeze of guy offered to break up with his girl to be with her, but she "refused" because she "wanted to see" how it (what it? she comparing fuks?) went with you...and didn't want to be a homewrecker???! Who's zooming who, here? Wake up. My guess is your "friend" 'Al' has already spread the word to other partners: "Hey, boys! Throw a couple whiskeys in her and she'll go like a rabbit wherever you happen to be standing."

[Only-virgins]

I'm still not really over this, so any other opinions are helpful.

You won't be over this ever. If it bothers you than every time you see her or him it will remind you of this. Wait till the relationship is a few years in if you even have that patience to torture yourself that long. Just wait till she starts confessing more things you don't want hear, wait till she realizes how easily you forgive, and wait till she realizes that she can use this against you all the time...over and over to hurt you. Most of all, just wait till she is craving a new experience and you aren't around...I'm pretty sure any bathroom and guy will do at that time. All she needs is a bit of booze as an excuse and she is in the clear cause boohoo you love her.

[girl68]

She has never cheated. So she f**cked a random, it isn't cheating. There is not a single ounce of proof that she's a cheater.

So I screwed a random when I was drunk, that don't make me some easy bitch that you can buy a drink and I'll screw you. Far from it. So please with the... feed her a drink and she'll sleep with anyone line.

[Only-virgins]

So I screwed a random when I was drunk, that don't make me some easy bitch that you can buy a drink and I'll screw you.

Guess the trick with you is to stay a random.

[whaywardj]

She has never cheated. So she f**cked a random, it isn't cheating. There is not a single ounce of proof that she's a cheater.

So I screwed a random when I was drunk, that don't make me some easy bitch that you can buy a drink and I'll screw you. Far from it. So please with the... feed her a drink and she'll sleep with anyone line.

Learn to read. I didn't say that. I said I'd guess the dude Al was saying it. Moreover, the OP asked me to elaborate. I did.

This can be a rough board, princess. As cruel as it is kind. Something offends your delicate sensibilties, adjust.

Meanwhile, let the moderators moderate.

[whaywardj]

"Note to self: Do not drink cream soda while reading O-v's posts."

"More computer keyboards get ruined this way."

Yeah. Coffee isn't a good idea, either. I mean, you can have it, just don't have any in your mouth. I just spewed a mouthful all over my monitor while reading one of his commentaries.

[girl68]

Guess the trick with you is to stay a random.

Sorry sweet angel there ain't no "tricking" me.

Learn to read. I didn't say that.

Did I quote your ass? No. I didn't quote anyone, learn to read... I didn't say you said that.

[whaywardj]

Did, too.

(plus 10)

[ctom18]

Just wait till she starts confessing more things you don't want hear, wait till she realizes how easily you forgive, and wait till she realizes that she can use this against you all the time...over and over to hurt you.

I didn't get over this easily, and we've been fighting about it for kind of a long time. Also, I don't necessarily easily forgive. If she (or anyone else) ever cheated on me, I would break up with her without second thought. And you are very much wrong to think she would ever use this to hurt me. She would love nothing more than to never talk about this again. I'm the one who still insists on talking about it, and I even feel kind of like a jerk for continually feeling the need to bring it up.

She didn't technically do anything "wrong" here, and this is literally the only problem our relationship has ever had. Is this one thing really enough to be a dealbreaker?

[CocoChanel]

You are obviously blind but that's okay. If you see the sunshine up her ass why not put your head in the tunnel. Sooner or later you'll find out you've been staring down the barrel of a loaded gun.

[ctom18]

You are obviously blind but that's okay. If you see the sunshine up her ass why not put your head in the tunnel. Sooner or later you'll find out you've been staring down the barrel of a loaded gun.

None of that really means anything; you're just basically saying I should leave without giving any reason why.

[CocoChanel]

You really are blind. Please quote my posts in this thread that advises you to leave her. My only point is that it is something that you should be worried about not trying to get over. You have a woman who displays random acts of sex (reckless behavior) when she is depressed or feels lonely. Since you plan on staying with her, I would have my guards on. Your friend cheated on his girlfriend for this girl and never told you that your chick was an easy lay... which means he is definitely capable of hiding it from you if he chose to do it again. That's just a heartbreak waiting to happen.

[Lost.Perspectiv]

I didn't get over this easily, and we've been fighting about it for kind of a long time. Also, I don't necessarily easily forgive. If she (or anyone else) ever cheated on me, I would break up with her without second thought. And you are very much wrong to think she would ever use this to hurt me. She would love nothing more than to never talk about this again. I'm the one who still insists on talking about it, and I even feel kind of like a jerk for continually feeling the need to bring it up.

She didn't technically do anything "wrong" here, and this is literally the only problem our relationship has ever had. Is this one thing really enough to be a dealbreaker?

Hey bro. This situation sucks, and I feel for you.

Ultimately, the hardest decisions in life aren't huge upsets (cheating, losing a job, death in the family). Those are easy, right? If she cheats, dump her ass. If you lose a job, work hard to get another.

It's these smaller, "grey scale" decisions that really test you. She hasn't cheated, but her past actions make you doubt the person she is today. You guys get along great, but this act just doesn't sit right with you and constantly torments you.

From your posts, I can tell that you struggle with this quite often. You want to let it go, but it just won't go away. You want to stop thinking about it and move on...but you can't, and it causes a lot of tension in your relationship.

So...what do you do?

I would look long and hard at what this relationship is worth to you. Look at the good, the bad, and everything in between. Identify what you have with her that is unique and wonderful.

Then place that against the anxiety and frustration this indiscretion is causing you.

If it's worth it to stick around, then make a commitment to do so. Time will make this issue hurt far less, and time will also give her the chance to prove that she isn't a terrible person. There is no other cure for this than time, and it's a long, painful cure.

If it isn't worth it to stick around, break it off. For some reason, there is this idea on the internet that ALL women have nasty sexual indiscretions in their past...but real life has taught me differently. There are plenty of women who choose their sexual partners carefully, only have sex in committed relationships, and shy away from the shenanigans your current girl indulge in.

There is also this idea that you are obligated to accept anyone and everyone regardless of their sexual shenanigans...and this simply isn't true. Who you date is your choice, and your criteria for "acceptable" is your choice as well. Set a "No random bathroom sex with friends" standard, and stick to it.

Regardless of your decision, good luck and stay strong. This type of stuff can eat you alive if you let it.

[Charlie Boy II]

that incident would completely ruin it for me. Everytime I looked at the girl I'd be thinking "slut, slut, slut, slut, slut." And the image of my friend banging her in the bathroom at a party.... she's way too old to be doing something like that.

OV was right, just because a woman is single I don't think she can rightfully expect her sexual behaviour to have zero consequences. There are still limits. And that stuff in a woman's past bothers men a great deal. I don't want to get into the fairness/unfairness of it, because it doesn't matter. The fact is, it is an issue for most men.

[ctom18]

Hey bro. This situation sucks, and I feel for you.

Ultimately, the hardest decisions in life aren't huge upsets (cheating, losing a job, death in the family). Those are easy, right? If she cheats, dump her ass. If you lose a job, work hard to get another.

It's these smaller, "grey scale" decisions that really test you. She hasn't cheated, but her past actions make you doubt the person she is today. You guys get along great, but this act just doesn't sit right with you and constantly torments you.

From your posts, I can tell that you struggle with this quite often. You want to let it go, but it just won't go away. You want to stop thinking about it and move on...but you can't, and it causes a lot of tension in your relationship.

So...what do you do?

I would look long and hard at what this relationship is worth to you. Look at the good, the bad, and everything in between. Identify what you have with her that is unique and wonderful.

Then place that against the anxiety and frustration this indiscretion is causing you.

If it's worth it to stick around, then make a commitment to do so. Time will make this issue hurt far less, and time will also give her the chance to prove that she isn't a terrible person. There is no other cure for this than time, and it's a long, painful cure.

If it isn't worth it to stick around, break it off. For some reason, there is this idea on the internet that ALL women have nasty sexual indiscretions in their past...but real life has taught me differently. There are plenty of women who choose their sexual partners carefully, only have sex in committed relationships, and shy away from the shenanigans your current girl indulge in.

There is also this idea that you are obligated to accept anyone and everyone regardless of their sexual shenanigans...and this simply isn't true. Who you date is your choice, and your criteria for "acceptable" is your choice as well. Set a "No random bathroom sex with friends" standard, and stick to it.

Regardless of your decision, good luck and stay strong. This type of stuff can eat you alive if you let it.

Thanks a lot for your thoughtful and insightful post.

Everything about this relationship is amazing. Like I mentioned in the original, I'm 27, so i've at least been around a little bit. I've dumped girls for far less than this many times in the past. I guess you can never guarantee these things, but I'd bet $1000 that I can't afford to lose that she would never cheat on me.

It's just this one issue. Not only the bathroom sex, as troubling as that is, but the friendship afterwords.

It may help to understand the guy I usually am. I'm not a player, and I haven't even had sex with that many people, but I always break up with people at the point where it becomes even mildly awkward. I have a very low tolerance for drama, and I'm not used to stuff like this at all.

I just can't do that here, because our relationship has been THAT good.

I may still break up with her, but every other break up I've ever had has been a camparatively easy decision to make, even though the issues we had were far less dramatic.