Longing to be loved 2

[Hooo!]

Stop justifying yourself please

I am giving you advice. You can choose not to take it. That’s fine.
If it works for you that way it’s cool.
And I’m cool with it.

Im just telling you: sex is not that complicating as you make it out to be. People who want to be in a relationship want to have sex
That’s part of why they wanna be in a relationship in the first place.
If you don’t wanna have sex then that’s fine with me
It’s probably not fine with people who want to be in a relationship with you tho.
Maybe not with everyone
But there will be a lotta girls who will be disappointed

And that may not be true
I may be talking bullshit
That’s just what I personally believe to be true.
I maybe as wrong as Humphrey boger who thought the time was ripe for a cheese cauldron

[pcmaster]

Yeah man maybe you are right because we was sleeping in bed and I was smiling but she didnt smile, looked serious and a little sad. Its like I was happy but she needed more to be happy. I remember last minutes in bed - it was like time didnt exist I dont remember what I did or what she did, all I remember I was on top of her and then stood up and said - "Its possible to get carried away like that." I was aroused and my D was hard making a horizontal bulge in pants. So I went wardrobe to put on my boots and after like 20 seconds she came too. Then I hugged her and lifted her up with making sound like UGH cause she was heavy. Then I kissed her and last kisses gave her really slow and she was kissing really slow, I wanted to make it even slower.
Then right before exiting doors I said - "Its hard to leave, I want to stay." She laughed shortly.

Maybe that was the last time we ever met. It was exactly week ago. She havent replied for 3 days and I havent messaged her since she didnt reply my last two messages.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm a little confused. So, this isn't a new girl but one you've already dated and you two have broken up on a few different times? I don't know why, but I thought you'd said it had finally ended once and for all with that gal and this is a new gal.

I guess I just misunderstood, so it sounds like this is the gal you've been with a few times in the past. In that way, I would sort of agree with Hooo. I mean, if you truly want to get to know a woman for at least a year before sex is involved, that is definitely okay for you... but as Hooo says, it may not be okay for a lot of women. So, if you want to and she seems interested, then why not start to move things in that direction? Again, if she's NOT interested or not ready she'll tell you.

Thing is, I'm getting a little confused with your story because apparently this was the gal who thought you talked about sex too much and/or brought it up too early in the relationship, and now suddenly it seems like maybe she's getting impatient because maybe she thinks you are waiting too long? Or am I maybe just misunderstanding? Because, it honestly sounds to me like maybe this relationship has just been too much work. More than it sounds like it is worth it.

Again, that is just my observation as a complete outsider. So I certainly could be wrong. Relationships do all take work.... it's just it generally shouldn't seem like this much work this early. Especially to the point where you've started dated and broken up already several times in the past. But, again, I'm not you are her. So, I could be wrong. There could be something there that could possibly become something really special. As always, I will wish you the best of luck. Whether that winds up meaning things move forward with her, or whether it means you wind up finding somebody else. Either way, best of luck to you.

[pcmaster]

Not saying it takes me a year to sleep with a girl. just really I been thinking about it and realized I could have slept with her then but then again she dont like me that much as I like her, infact she sees me as shit and she havent even replied yet so that shows my value in her eyes. Im not even worth to reply despite that shes often active on messenger. Why should I have sex with such girl?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, in my personal opinion you shouldn't if that is how you feel. It would be one thing if you two just wanted a casual, purely sexual relationship and you'd both discussed that. Then, sure, have your fun. But, it sounds more like you want something that is at least intending to be a serious relationship. In other words, not that it has to be that immediately, but that it should at least be the end goal if you two seem a good match.

So, assuming you want a relationship and not just a sex buddy, then I would personally say you shouldn't have sex with such a girl if you feel that she doesn't appreciate you as much as you felt you did her. You'd be better to move on and find somebody else rather than wasting your time chasing somebody who doesn't seem to be willing to give you their time and attention. You deserve better than that.

And again, like I said, it ultimately has to be your decision. If you want to keep trying with her, then I can't tell you not to do so. If that is the decision you make, I would AT LEAST suggest you have some sort of breaking point in mind where enough is enough and if things don't improve you'll end it and look for a different partner. Though, again, from what you shared my personal advice would be that she doesn't sound like she's worth it. Sounds like you've actually tried on a few different occasions and you and her haven't worked out. So, may just be better to cut your losses, forget her, and look for somebody else.

Good luck to you as always. Sorry to hear things don't seem to be going so well with her.

[pcmaster]

Well thanks for understanding Jester. I dont feel like talking with wall here. You are right I want something where we both have same feeling for eachother. Want to be important to someone. First girl was like that until I pissed her off with not giving her D.

Anyway Christmas time is coming. Time with family. I wish you lovely christmas and fun new year. I will do my best to celebrate too. No need girls for going to church and celebrate Jesus birthday.

[lovebroken]

Have a nice Christmas with family and friends, pcmaster and hoping love comes your way 2018.

[Hooo!]

Girls and women need affection. They crave for a man to take the steps to take her
To know what he is doing and to be without doubt in their behaviour

Sadly you fulfill neither of those requirements
But you could

If you should or want that’s your decision

[pcmaster]

Just realized how lucky I am by escaping from that girl. She was real bitch to me but I kept forgiving her and making excuses for her. Now saw on FB that shes with her work colleague - she always liked him, looks like they finally become together. Guy is really cute and happy looking. My friend told me when I first showed him pictre of the girl more than half year ago - how happy he is that we are not together. And Smackie said that I can do better cause Im good looking. So yeah, despite that I dont care much about looks girls was real monster from inside and hurt me a lot from inside when I tried to move things forward with her. Luckly I escaped danger and more pain. So now will just focus on myself for a while and then try to find girl who I find really interesting.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, it unfortunately happens like that way too often. Something about the person makes you interested in them, and then you sort of get these blinders whether you realize it or not. Metaphorically speaking, you are looking at them through rose colored glasses. So, often times they treat you like crap, or have some sort of major red flags.... but you keep making excuses for it, or blatantly ignoring it because part of you doesn't want to believe it.

Often it isn't until you finally break free that you realize how bad they were for you, or quite possibly even how bad of a person they are in general. It is a shame when it takes that for you to realize the truth.... but at least you then you finally realize it. If nothing else, it at least helps you to feel a little better looking back and being able to say "Holy cow! What the Hell was I thinking wanting to be with that person? I am so much better off without them!"

I will continue to wish you good luck, PC. Definitely great to focus on you sometimes. Heck, it is working miracles for me personally these days. I hope 2018 becomes your year to find somebody really special. But, for now, just remember to appreciate that special somebody who looks back at you from the mirror.... and other reflective surfaces.

[pcmaster]

Thanks Jester. Great post.

I feel like you pretty much described the situation. In the end girls want what they cant have. Not a nice guys who goes after them and in that way is tooe asy to get and not a challenge. But they want guys who treat them like crap or not so good and they want to make them fall in love but once guy pays too much attention and importance to girl it works as pushing away.

[TheEvilJester]

Not all women are like that. Plus, most of the ones who ARE like that eventually realize their mistake and grow out of it. The right gal is out there and she WILL appreciate you. It is just a matter of time.

[pcmaster]

You are right again, Jester.

Just and update on my dating life. - I been on a date on sunday. And girl was someone I seen 3 years ago but she didnt remeber me since we talked only few sentences. Anyway before a date I knew that she works in jail but it happens she works in police too and own that beauty saloon where I went as a security guard after her phone was stolen 3 years ago.

She seemed a bit nervous at the start but eventually she did seem to relax. At the start of the date i said that she looks good and gave her a rose. This time orange rose since Im starting to get sick of giving girls red rose on first date so want to change something. At least changed colour this time. Also I dont want to meet girls at the same place so met her at other end of shopping mall than the first girl. We went to tea house(had 2 first dates in tea house before this one) but thanks to her discovered that you can drink tea with adding cinnamon to it(By now you propably think what an amazing rockstar life I have !). Anyway I asked about her job and she wanted to me to talk about crypto what is unusual because girls usually are not interested in talking about it. Maybe she wanted me to talk about it cause she said she didnt understand what bitcoin is despite watching videos. People with more money are ussualy more interested in bitcoin and since she is a bussines owner who propably escaping part of the taxes and works because of social benefits like wants to secure her retirement.

In total it seems like date went neutral, I went to date really pumped since spend rest of weekend at home and was happy to have a date, but kinda chilled down while waiting for her and like often - before meeting a girl I met people who bring down my mood. After hour date was over and she wanted to drive me back home but I said no need since I havent been outside today and wanted to walk. I wished her good night tru the text that night and now its been two days and she havent messaged me. However I think I will message her this weekend to see if she wants to meet again in case she have nothing to do what I doubt.

- - - Updated - - -

Stop justifying yourself please

I am giving you advice. You can choose not to take it. That’s fine.
If it works for you that way it’s cool.
And I’m cool with it.

Im just telling you: sex is not that complicating as you make it out to be. People who want to be in a relationship want to have sex
That’s part of why they wanna be in a relationship in the first place.
If you don’t wanna have sex then that’s fine with me
It’s probably not fine with people who want to be in a relationship with you tho.
Maybe not with everyone
But there will be a lotta girls who will be disappointed

And that may not be true
I may be talking bullshit
That’s just what I personally believe to be true.
I maybe as wrong as Humphrey boger who thought the time was ripe for a cheese cauldron

I been having online therapy with therapist and she said that for most people sex is part of dating. I put sex in different box. For me its part of serious and committed relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, so sounds like that first date wasn't a slam dunk, but wasn't a disaster either. If you liked her enough to want to give it a shot, just try her again. Maybe she'll respond, maybe she won't. Don't chase after her too much. As many of us have said, you shouldn't have to feel like you are having to drag somebody into giving you another date. So, if you keep trying and she either doesn't respond or seems very non-committal, then probably just don't waste your time. But, you never know. Maybe she'll be interested in a second date as well.

As far as your take on sex, I'll admit I'm with you on that. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not the "wait for marriage" type. It's just, I personally don't want to have sex with just anybody. To me, I'd rather sex at least wait until we are serious. It doesn't even HAVE to be until we've officially deemed ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend, but it at least shouldn't come until there is some sense we think we are a thing. I am NOT the one night stand type.

Honestly, in this day and age, I think that puts you and I in the minority. Especially amongst our fellow men. And, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that. It may make it harder for us to find relationships that will last.... but they probably aren't the right match for us anyway. Don't get me wrong, if you don't feel THAT strongly about it, then maybe it is worth it to bend a little. But, if it is important enough to you, then why compromise your values just in hopes of getting a relationship. For the right relationship you shouldn't have to.

...Again, though, even then there are limits to what is reasonable. Just as an extreme example, if you were the type where you needed a relationship to last 2 or 3 years before you even entertained the idea of sex, I'd probably tell you that you'd be better off if you relaxed that philosophy a bit. Not man people would be willing to wait that long. I don't get the impression you ARE anything to an extreme like that, though. That's just an extreme example.

[Hooo!]

You are still justifying yourself

Fact is: 1) you have issues you cannot solve on your own or at least not very well. Things are not working for you the way you want them to
2) the solution is probably outside your comfortable thoughts/zone. If it wasn’t you would already have tried

My approach could be entirely wrong
So you are ofc free to not listen. However justifying WHY you did something when someone is already telling you HOW you could possibly change your behaviour is not a good trait. Not in love or relations not anywhere else. It makes you look as though you think you know better. Even if you don’t.
Im not angry or anything. It’s just feedback for you to know how people will think (if not react) towards justifications


I don’t necessarily mean waiting for sex is a bad thing (depending on how long)
I just mean that for you it is not working. You seduce the girls and then withhold
It makes no sense to women. It is weird that way. You are perceived as weird that way. You don’t come of like you are in touch with your emotions and needs really.

You ever met a fanatic person? Ever notice how they are limited by strong internal boundaries of thought and attitude?
Women sense those attitudes. And if they aren’t conform with that or you don’t communicate what you truely want then they sense incongruity.

Incongruity is very appaling and unsexy