Do you believe in monogamy?

[toknow]

This doesn't mean he can not say something right unfortunately... Btw we all start a relationship tending to be loyal. Life has other plans though...

Your decisions are your life.

[pcmaster]

Sometimes other people make decisions too. Sometimes you feel something you didnt expect. It might be hard to understand for your expierience level but sometimes you are not the only person in relationship.

[michelle23]

Oh no you don't. You love your double-standards, as long as they're in favor of females.

What makes you think that?

[michelle23]

I dont really care whether people are naturally monogamous or not. All i know for sure is if the whole world deciced tomorrow that they are all gonna have open relationships and it became the norm-id choose to be single as that is not for me.

I wouldnt agree to share my partner with anyone. For me sex is personal and intimate and it wouldnt be special if he was also doing it with others. His body fits mine perfectly and we click sexually. As far as im concerned sharing each other would mean that something is wrong with us and our relationship.

I got a letter in my work letter box recently. The whole town did. A lady posted it to name and shame a woman her hubby ran off with. They had a threesom and a foursome first of all which destroyed their marriage and 7children were caught up in the mess.

It turned out the woman he ran off with had been cheating on her husband for years..

Anyway im not saying it cant eork for some people. I just think its only a matter of time before infatuation or obsession kicks for one of their external lovers and thats it. Game over.

As for loving and sleeping with multiple partners-i can see that eorking as long as the same rules apply to him and her and said rules are not broken.

Open relationships-id say they always end badly

[Hightower]

Exactly, so you assume that because this is how you feel, that it is how everyone should feel. Your entire post is based on your perception of what makes a good relationship, so much so that you have to assume that the people I described have problems without me giving any such indication. Unfortunately this is the problem with your argument - you have assumed that there is only one correct view - yours. It means that you're not open to further thought, and just assume that everyone who disagrees is ignorant to your reality, or plain wrong.

It is how you build a strong relationship. You don't build a strong relationship on having sex with complete strangers. How long have you been married may I ask? You seem to think you know how to build a relationship properly (which you have done the total opposite) so how does/would an open relationship work in your relationship?

I'm saying the people who start this kind of stuff have problems in their relationship because it is obvious they do. You are a product of the Cosmopolitan/Hollywood mindset our society has been brainwashed into. You aren't going to have a trusting relationship with anyone worth their salt if you are sleeping around half the time.

[Hightower]

Rebuttals to all of this have already been posted repeatedly throughout this thread and the closest you've come to answering those rebuttals is dodging them and repeating what has already been refuted and pretending this makes your preconceptions end all be all and the entire universe that exists outside of the narrow tunnel through which you're capable of viewing reality is dead wrong. Considering this, it should be very easy to see how your posts hold no merit.

It is painfully obvious you haven't met anyone important enough to be monogomaus with. Marriage is not for the immature and the ones who need to sow some wild oats. It is for grown ups. When you do meet the person of your dreams they will fulfill your needs. Hence, why I am saying that swingers obviously have not met that perfect someone yet since that person is incapable of fulfilling all of their needs. I am in a happy marriage and waited 26 years for this type of woman. If she meant very little to me, I would happily swing and suggest we still see other partners.

That's the simplicity of this argument. No one who has met the right person would want to be in an open relationship. For the people that think there is nothing wrong with this, I can assure you, you have NOT meant the right person yet. Or there is something wrong with you that you have to examine.

[Hightower]

By the way, I take it NO ONE from this generation has actually sat down and watched Fatal Attraction, huh? There was a time when movies weren't just all about cliches and actually impacted people. Watch that movie, these things happen in real life.

[toknow]

Sometimes other people make decisions too. Sometimes you feel something you didnt expect. It might be hard to understand for your expierience level but sometimes you are not the only person in relationship.

My "expierience level"? ....ROFL....Fail.

The decisions which define you are your decisions. Which includes how you respond to others' decisions.

[dickriculous]

1) It is painfully obvious you haven't met anyone important enough to be monogomaus with.


2) Marriage is not for the immature and the ones who need to sow some wild oats. It is for grown ups. When you do meet the person of your dreams they will fulfill your needs. Hence, why I am saying that swingers obviously have not met that perfect someone yet since that person is incapable of fulfilling all of their needs.

3) If she meant very little to me, I would happily swing and suggest we still see other partners.

4) No one who has met the right person would want to be in an open relationship.

5) For the people that think there is nothing wrong with this, I can assure you, you have NOT meant the right person yet. Or there is something wrong with you that you have to examine.

1) Well, that came from straight out of your ass. The fact that you have to make shit up in order to have a case tells the rest of us everything we need to know (well, what we already knew really).

2) The need to "sow wild oats" and whether or not one person can fulfill all of your needs is based on chemicals that are naturally produced by your brain and in your body as well as what's naturally in your DNA, how in God's name it's possible to mistake this for some arbitrary measurement of "maturity" is beyond me.

3) The gaping hole in this "argument" (a term that I use very loosely) has already been explained to you. Again, just because you need someone to mean very little to you in order to swing doesn't mean everyone does. There are 6.5 billion people in the world and believe it or not, not all of them are the same as you.

4) All you're doing here is repeating your 3 again so refer to my 3 again

5) Now you're repeating your 1 again so refer to my 1 again. Additionally, Cerby already educated you on the gaping hole in this "argument" (again, a term that must be used very loosely) when he said this

Your entire post is based on your perception of what makes a good relationship, so much so that you have to assume that the people I described have problems without me giving any such indication

. And yet here you are doing the exact same thing that he already explained to you is dead wrong in a way that should've been very easy to understand.

[Wakeup]

By the way, I take it NO ONE from this generation has actually sat down and watched Fatal Attraction, huh? There was a time when movies weren't just all about cliches and actually impacted people. Watch that movie, these things happen in real life.

Are you serious? Fatal attraction is about cheating, betrayal, lying and disingenuinous. None of those things are present in polyamourous unions. *sniffs* I smell troll again (third time today).

[Starnique]

I wouldn't say I always enjoy more than one sexual partner at a time. I more so, just enjoy sex lol. Based on my own experiences, every time I have been in a casual relationship, we weren't always having steady sex. Some weeks we would have sex 6 times in that week, or some weeks we'd only have sex once or twice in that week, or maybe we would even go 2 weeks without, but still be hanging out as often as possible. If I'm going out with friends on one of those weeks where I haven't had sex in 2 weeks, then I may find it intriguing to take someone home with me.

It may also be as simple as I just didn't care enough about those people to stay monogamous! I am in a committed relationship now, where I would never cheat, and we've been together almost 2 years. I have also been in a 3 year relationship, where I never cheated. In the first relationship, I never had a desire to cheat, but I did go a bit boy crazy when we broke up. With my current boyfriend, I did come close to cheating (blue eyes, if you recall), however I DO love my bf enough to have come to the realization, that I do not want anyone else, so I broke off that "friendship." It helps that we have sex on the regular, but even during times where we've gone days sometimes a couple weeks without sex (not very often) I never wanted it from anyone else. Like I said, it could just be as simple as me not caring enough for those past individuals, to stay monogamous, but who knows.

If it ever reaches the point in my current relationship that I no longer want to stay monogamous with him, then I would break up with him, because I know that is all he wants. If we ever got to a point where we stopped having sex "just because" then I would also probably leave, because clearly there is something wrong in the relationship, if we cannot be intimate with eachother anymore.

Again, I'm not saying I would never TRY a polyamory relationship, but I don't think it would last simply because I AM selfish, and I DO like attention, and I don't know that I would like my SO giving his attention else where. But at the same time, I would have attention coming from multiple partners as well, so who knows lol.

Totally sounds like me. You broke it down perfect. I understand. Been there, done that. Totally agree.

[Cerby]

You seem to think you know how to build a relationship properly (which you have done the total opposite)

Why would I justify my relationship to you when you have already decided it is wrong? Why give the crazy man more ammo when he shoots without looking, and disregards the bullets already in his own foot.

No sir, I have no further discussion with you, it is like talking to a rock, only a rock is less judgemental.

[TablesandChairs]

Biology states that we can sleep with as many people as we like; there's nothing physically stopping us. Yet, many of us choose not to. Whatever the reasons - social, biological, mental, emotional...it can't be denied that the majority of people do not feel okay with sharing their partners around, especially if they love them.

But just because gay people deviate from the norm doesn't mean that homosexuality isn't natural to them. Same thing here - some people (male and female) can't fathom not being polyamorous and they design a relationship that works for them or they simply decide that relationships aren't for them. Provided there's no breach of trust involved, kudos.

I can't imagine this type of situation in my life but then, I can't imagine being a lesbian either.

Normality is subjective - monogamy is normal to me and anything that deviated from that would feel uncomfortable. But then, when I look deeper, I realize that sex (on its own) doesn't mean anything to me; If I'm not emotionally attached to someone, I can easily go without. Some people aren't like that - some can separate love and sex easily.

[michelle23]

I think I could easily separate sex and love but I choose not to. If I went through a bad breakup or divorce and I missed sex-could I have a f**k buddy who I don't get attached to? I don't know for sure as I have never done that but I think I could. Plus even if I did get attached, I would find it easy to cut the ties between us and go no contact as I wouldn't start a relationship that way. I think its a rocky foundation

Guys I think you are being too harsh on high tower lol. I was of the same beliefs when I first joined this forum. My bf thinks that anyone who would share their partner has something wrong with them. I thought the same. I am a little more open minded now.

Honestly I don't care what people do as long as they are honest and nobody is intentionally being hurt or betrayed.

I would rather an open relationship than for someone to sneak around behind my back. If they were my only two choices in life-i would choose the former.

But its monogamy for me all the way. And my bf is the same so its all good

[Hightower]

1) Well, that came from straight out of your ass. The fact that you have to make shit up in order to have a case tells the rest of us everything we need to know (well, what we already knew really).

2) The need to "sow wild oats" and whether or not one person can fulfill all of your needs is based on chemicals that are naturally produced by your brain and in your body as well as what's naturally in your DNA, how in God's name it's possible to mistake this for some arbitrary measurement of "maturity" is beyond me.

3) The gaping hole in this "argument" (a term that I use very loosely) has already been explained to you. Again, just because you need someone to mean very little to you in order to swing doesn't mean everyone does. There are 6.5 billion people in the world and believe it or not, not all of them are the same as you.

4) All you're doing here is repeating your 3 again so refer to my 3 again

5) Now you're repeating your 1 again so refer to my 1 again. Additionally, Cerby already educated you on the gaping hole in this "argument" (again, a term that must be used very loosely) when he said this . And yet here you are doing the exact same thing that he already explained to you is dead wrong in a way that should've been very easy to understand.

You can justify it until the cows come home but it doesn't make it true. You are in denial and trying to make excuses. I am interested in what your situation is, which is why I asked. I am not saying you are a swinger, but you are someone who thinks swinging is something two people truly in love can do without any harm.

So this is my question. Have you found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and who fulfills all of your needs? If you have, the last thing you'd want is to share that person with another man's junk. Simple question, simple answer. Maybe it'll be easier to understand your strong position on this one.