My GF won't give BJ's; but, she has a good reason for it...

[lesa]

The way he is going about it will cause some triggers. How could it not? She is only lying to him. She needs to fully control this aspect of 'sex' if and when she wants--no guidance from him. I would break up with him if I were her.

[misombra]

i would hate to be with a guy who pushed my head into his crotch or put my hands on his penis.

i would have to slap somebody. if i wanted my head or my hands to go down there they'd be down there.

[DoesntMatter]

I would put your head and hands down there somby

And then you could put my head and hands where you wanted them

[vashti]

I didn't have a problem with this guy telling her he is interested in oral sex, but I have to admit that I never liked a guy trying to force me to touch his wiener. Who teaches these guys to do that?

[Jonas]

we are taking it slow... and, the whole point of this post was that i DIDN'T want to pressure her. i wanted to express my feelings in a way that DIDN'T hurt her.

and, say what you want about me, but i have treated this girl like a princess, given her everything... i really, truly love her. so much so that i'd rather give her up than hurt her.

[doppelgaenger]

Do the popcorn trick, my man.

[Aeradalia]

I think that it is important to have most of your sexual preferences and wants fulfilled in a committed relationship. This would be no different than desiring similar religious beliefs on the basis of compatibility or needing a man who is more sensitive if you happen to be more emotional.

True, some things can be overlooked and still lead to a functioning and happy relationship... but such things are usually not a priority. With the OP, fellatio is more of a priority in regards to sex. To some, it is more secondary, but to him it is not.

As for his girlfriend, yes it is sad that she was abused, and her fear of fellatio is understandable. However, it takes two to participate in fellatio. The OP has a right to ask for the favor and his girlfriend has the right to refuse. From what I gather, his request was open and honest without coercion or force... which was appropriate and incredibly thoughtful. His girlfriend had the right to refuse and would've felt comfortable doing so because of the calm nature of the discussion. However, she didn't... which could be a sign of something positive --- facing her fears.

I was not a fan of fellatio either, but at the same time, I needed to know that my partner was satisfied sexually... (their satisfaction is very important to me). With them letting me know what they really wanted, I was happy they were willing to be honest with me. Slowly, overtime, I overcame my fears and to this day I enjoy fellatio tremendously. If my partner had not been willing to ask and be patient, I feel I would've missed out on changing something I feared into something rather enjoyable.

(Yes, the process did trigger memories and there were a few times when I was very hesitant ... but I was with someone I trusted... and eventually started to associate good things with the act and discard the bad memories that were previously associated with it... )

[ecojeanne]

and, say what you want about me, but i have treated this girl like a princess, given her everything... i really, truly love her. so much so that i'd rather give her up than hurt her.

ok now i'm mad, what is wrong with the highlighted words????? i fckin hate guys who believe that they have given everything.....wtf is everything?????? now i know you can't possibly be as perfect as you THINK you are. come back down to reality and wake up from this dream you are in... thinking you're a good guy. good guys don't pressure, they leave the girl alone and they certainly don't start claiming they have given her everything

on bahalf of your gf **** off and find someone else to give 'everything' to, what a joke!

sorry to be harsh, but that kind of statement from men really gets my goat. i never believe such wild claims, it indicates a personality flaw that many 'good guys' have.

[IndiReloaded]

Jonas, you are all kinds of stupid & a miserable excuse for a human, much less a BF based on her history. But, for the sake of your GF, who presumably cares about your selfish ass, I will help you.

But first: The fact that you are forcing her (and it is force, if not direct, make no mistake about the fact you are coercing her) to give you a full BJ will ultimately be the death knell for this relationship. She will resent you for this, even if she doesn't say so.

You need to convert her negative associations about blow jobs into positive ones. Do you know anything about psychology? Basically, you need to *slowly* and *consistently* have her approach the BJs in small stages. Make sure you are exquisitely clean before engaging. Have her engage in the beginnings of giving a BJ and then REWARD HER for it. The reward must occure BEFORE you elicit any kind of disgust response from her. Explain to her how this works & let her know that she is free to stop at any time, in fact, MUST stop before she gets any negative feelings. Prior knowledge won't affect the training, however, her trying to please you and 'sucking up' some negative feelings will backfire on you both. Consistent training will take at least several weeks (12 - 16) before she may be ready to try a whole BJ comfortably, so you will need to exercise restraint. Try to be a nice BF and remember the longer term goals.

Its called training by successive approximation. You seem of reasonable intellect, if emotionally challenged, so I will leave you to look up the details. However, ask for specifics if you need it. Good luck.

[misombra]

i had this friend where her husband would put his nipples in her face. freaking yuck!

[Jonas]

@areadalia: thanks, you understood the sitch exactly
@ecojeanne & indireloaded: appreciate the advice; not certain why you and other people on this board feel it's necessary to package reasonable advice with such off-the-mark, scathing criticism...but, you got to the point eventually :-)
@misombra: lmao

[Indignant]

I would put your head and hands down there somby

And then you could put my head and hands where you wanted them

i put your hands up on my hips
when i dip you dip we dip
you put my hands up on your hips
when you dip i dip we dip

[Indignant]

Jonas, you are all kinds of stupid & a miserable excuse for a human, much less a BF based on her history. But, for the sake of your GF, who presumably cares about your selfish ass, I will help you.

But first: The fact that you are forcing her (and it is force, if not direct, make no mistake about the fact you are coercing her) to give you a full BJ will ultimately be the death knell for this relationship. She will resent you for this, even if she doesn't say so.

and.....here we go again....

[Indignant]

Can I mention that Jonas did admit that she has a good reason for it?
let's look at the positive remarks that he made:

To be perfectly clear, I give her oral almost every time we make love. I also give great back rubs, foot rubs, etc.
For the record, she has a good reason to not want to do it; she was repeatedly sexually abused by a relative growing up, who would force her to perform oral on him. This went on for years, apparently. We've talked about the abuse she suffered. I've accepted it, and she's been in counseling for it for years. Basically, she's moved on from this as well, with the exception of not giving head. We have a great emotional and intellectual connection; and making love with her is fantastic.

if they are not comfortable with each other what kind of outlook will they have in the future? maybe she needs to find a guy who doesn't care about BJs as much?

[Jonas]

@indignant: thanks for the props :-)