I've always wondered...

[lesa]

You're never going to really know what his level of chemistry was unless he tells you and he's unlikely to do that. It's only black and white because he CHOSE someone else in your scenario. If he had said he'd like to date both, then it wouldn't be black and white.

Again, it's not punishing the person for not being into you, it's moving on emotionally for your own sake. Isn't this the advice we frequently give other posters here? If someone isn't into you, move on?

Exactly!

He's not telling me his level of chemistry and I wouldn't ask for whatever measurement that is. Unless the man plans on marrying me, I don't see a major lost here. What have a lost by not starting a relationship with a man that is not really that into me? Should I date him because he asked?

I'm not behaving like that because I want to punish, etc...If I was really interested in him and we both saw a promising relationship then I may go right ahead. He has to have the same expectations for the relationship as I do or I won't bother. And since he is dating random women but know me as well, I doubt he has any expectations for me.

[Cain]

Exactly!

He's not telling me his level of chemistry and I wouldn't ask for whatever measurement that is. Unless the man plans on marrying me, I don't see a major lost here. What have a lost by not starting a relationship with a man that is not really that into me? Should I date him because he asked?

I'm not behaving like that because I want to punish, etc...If I was really interested in him and we both saw a promising relationship then I may go right ahead. He has to have the same expectations for the relationship as I do or I won't bother. And since he is dating random women but know me as well, I doubt he has any expectations for me.

You're assuming that because his chemistry was even slightly higher with someone else then that means that he isn't interested in anything with you.

Communication is a rather useful tool in and out of relationships. Maybe you should try it sometime?

[lesa]

Communication is a rather useful tool in and out of relationships. Maybe you should try it sometime?

I understand that and no doubt I do but dude I am trying to answer your fictitious scenario here. I am trying to use my imagination. I don't understand your reply here to my post.

I've done my part I give up. And I love discussions like these but this, unfortunately, is going nowhere.

[Cain]

I understand that and no doubt I do but dude I am trying to answer your fictitious scenario here. I am trying to use my imagination. I don't understand your reply here to my post.

I've done my part I give up. And I love discussions like these but this, unfortunately, is going nowhere.

No, don't give up.

My response about communication was in regard to you and SB not knowing the extent of the chemistry. Why not ask how he feels? Is there anything wrong with it? Instead of assuming that the connection just wasn't strong, why not ask him?

[starbuck]

No, don't give up.

My response about communication was in regard to you and SB not knowing the extent of the chemistry. Why not ask how he feels? Is there anything wrong with it? Instead of assuming that the connection just wasn't strong, why not ask him?

Why should you have to? He obviously chose someone else. If he was that undecided, he wouldn't have chose the other person.

Besides, what is so wrong with moving on that you keep feeling like you need to defend your point? Which is...unless I'm reading you wrong, that it's silly to move on?

[Cain]

Why should you have to? He obviously chose someone else. If he was that undecided, he wouldn't have chose the other person.

Besides, what is so wrong with moving on that you keep feeling like you need to defend your point? Which is...unless I'm reading you wrong, that it's silly to move on?

I'm not saying it's silly to move on. I'm saying that it's silly to get offended if the guy chooses someone else after only a month. And that is just what it seems like you all are doing when you mention that he chose someone else.

Really? If he was undecided he would just date you both forever? That's unrealistic. Ultimately, he'd have to make a choice.

[starbuck]

I'm not saying it's silly to move on. I'm saying that it's silly to get offended if the guy chooses someone else after only a month. And that is just what it seems like you all are doing when you mention that he chose someone else.

Really? If he was undecided he would just date you both forever? That's unrealistic. Ultimately, he'd have to make a choice.

I never said I'd be offended if he chose someone else. I just said I'd move on. What are you not getting about this?

[IndiReloaded]

I never said I'd be offended if he chose someone else. I just said I'd move on. What are you not getting about this?

Seems reasonable to me. Of course move on, what else is there to do? And Mish's comment seemed the most reasonable also.

What's left to discuss here? Cain, are you currently experiencing this? Why not describe the qualities of each gal here?

[Cain]

I think the only reason I'm still posting to this thread is because I'm trying to define what move on is. I'm not saying that you should wait for that person. I was just curious why you wouldn't give them much of a chance if you found out they were single later. It's not like you had enough time to build up feelings in a month, you know?

And I posted this thread originally in response to something similar in my own life. I was curious and I tend to analyze things and I like to get other people's opinions. I had already decided on what I'd be doing the day after I posted this. Now, I just want to keep arguing. :o

[starbuck]

I think the only reason I'm still posting to this thread is because I'm trying to define what move on is. I'm not saying that you should wait for that person. I was just curious why you wouldn't give them much of a chance if you found out they were single later. It's not like you had enough time to build up feelings in a month, you know?

See, I think that's the exact reason that you wouldn't tend to give the person the same chance. You didn't have the time to build up the feelings, so any inklings of feelings that had started would have probably gone away by the time he/she became single again. Sure, there are people that hang on to the chance, but I'm not sure I'm one of them. It doesn't make enough sense to me to do so. There are too many fish in the sea.

Intellectually, I might think, "Well, he's still a catch," or something like that, but emotionally I could be miles away from being attracted to him in the same way.

There, how's that for arguing?