Why must a girl hide her dirty side to nab a guy long term?

[shheadz]

to which I replied "I'm not telling. Maybe you'll find out eventually."

That wouldn't have bothered me. In fact, it would have made you sound a little intriguing, and fun. There's nothing wrong with diffusing a question you're not comfortable answering with a little playfulness.

[Perryville]

Laila, I would consider that a good character trait if I were you. If you don't like to play games, and are honest about your sexual past, you are much more likely to have a good relationship. You are by no means , skanky, I wish there were more women like you, that put honesty first.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't want to play the game. I'm no good at it.

Well, then your instinct to walk away from this guy is probably best for where you are at. Don't bother trying to work out what they mean. Just recognize that their style isn't one you appreciate. Honesty is primarily about knowing your own mind and motives. Its not necessarily about sharing those thoughts with others.

Be careful you don't overestimate the value of honesty with others, tho. People say they want it, but few actually mean it. Those who do should be treated with suspicion. Only immature and insane people are completely 'honest' all the time. Not only is it impossible to achieve, but its extremely foolish. The people I've met who claim it as an ideal usually lack the mental discipline to realize that life is rarely black and white. They wield 'honesty' like a weapon, and should be avoided b/c they generally have issues. Much like a child that screams their frustration from lack of self-control. They bulldoze the feelings of others claiming that such 'honesty' justifies the broken people they leave in their wake. Its a kind of mental laziness, IMO.

In contrast to some here, I don't really consider the comment you described a 'game', just a recognition that immediately being 'honest' with someone you just met is unrealistic. Human interactions are a bit more complex than this.

[phys251]

I'm just genuinely curious. I'm not a skank by any means. I can count the amount of guys I've been with on one hand, and it's not even a remotely full hand. I would however label myself as a bit of a slut because once I truly like a guy I can be pretty adventurous.

I'm curious as to why if I hide my slutty side from a guy for as long as possible, basically act like a prude, it seems to be the key to a long relationship. If I reveal any part of that side of myself earlier on, guys tend to pretend they are interested right before running for the hills even before we've had sex. Half of the time I'm just answering their questions honestly. I guess they'd prefer I lie and say stuff like "No I don't like anal, how gross."

Obviously, I will stick to being prudish in the early stages. It's proven to work well for me. I'm just curious as to why I have to do it at all.

Thanks!
Laila

Hmm. Maybe "vanilla sex" is too boring for you? It works for some people, but for others, it would be just as exciting to stare at a wall.

UPDATE:

Now I'm really confused. I don't know what it is about the guys I date (or me? maybe the issue is me?) but it seems that they're pretty quick to label me a slut or a tease depending on how I answer their questions.

I'd like to meet these men who don't bring up sex as a conversation topic because so far ALL of the men I've dated get to topic by the 4th date at the very latest. It doesn't bother me. I don't mind talking about sex. I DO mind being judged for my thoughts and feelings about sex. That's not cool and I'm sick of guys doing that.

As I mentioned before, honesty gets me nowhere. It tends to scare guys off. So I've tried the other approach. I've recently had a date say to me "You look like a good girl. Are you really?" to which I replied "I'm not telling. Maybe you'll find out eventually." I was straight forward about it and I softened my response with a smile. His reaction was to sigh really hard and say "Oh so you're a tease." My reaction to that is not to go on another date because I don't date spoiled children disguised as men! (Rant over, sorry)

I've come to the conclusion that there is something in my approach that I am doing wrong. I just wish I knew what. Thoughts?

When I'm in a dating relationship that hasn't gotten physical yet, I NEVER bring up the topic of sex. If it's going to come up, I ALWAYS let the girl do it, and I try to judge to what degree she's willing to discuss it before I respond in kind. For me to bring up the topic, if she weren't ready for it, would be grounds for her to call the whole thing off.

That said, I can't speak for most guys, but if a girl starts talking about sex while on a date, regardless of who brought up the topic, that makes her sound like she's interested in having it sooner than later. Granted that may be a false impression, but hell, dating is all about impressions.

[Spency]

I agree with everything here.

You are not a slut, you are just open sexually, and most men will love it, I know I would.

I was seeing a girl a few months ago, all mouth and no action, get drunk and said how wild she was, but really, she was as boring as could be.

If you are open and true, thats great, if you just mouth off to show off, thats not.

Anyway, dont change!

[experiece]

I'm just genuinely curious. I'm not a skank by any means. I can count the amount of guys I've been with on one hand, and it's not even a remotely full hand. I would however label myself as a bit of a slut because once I truly like a guy I can be pretty adventurous.

I'm curious as to why if I hide my slutty side from a guy for as long as possible, basically act like a prude, it seems to be the key to a long relationship. If I reveal any part of that side of myself earlier on, guys tend to pretend they are interested right before running for the hills even before we've had sex. Half of the time I'm just answering their questions honestly. I guess they'd prefer I lie and say stuff like "No I don't like anal, how gross."

Obviously, I will stick to being prudish in the early stages. It's proven to work well for me. I'm just curious as to why I have to do it at all.

Thanks!
Laila

You want him to respect you.
You fundamentaly crave secruity.
Guys don't respect sluts.
To gain secruity he has to respect you.


Theres your answer.