girlfriend hooked up with friend

[Only-virgins]

You express your opinion as fact. I express mine as an opinion.

I don't see the point....or care.

[girl68]

My point is arguing with you is like arguing with a 13 year old teenaged girl who knows everything.

[flea]

Another dumbass. Not surprising. This world is filled with people like you. He was IN a relationship at the time. That is not just a mistake. That is cheating. Bah, I would have fun. I would ruin his fake ass 3 year my ass relationship and laugh all day about it. **** him...not like I care for his friendship anyways. What kind of a friend ****s your girl in the bathroom and DOESN'T tell you about it later even if he did it before you two got together? A faggot that is who, **** him and **** his opinion of someone being a dog or not. The OP shouldn't care so much. He now holds a live grenade...he should throw it before it blows in his face. You can call people a dog but if my friend told me that he would be the one smelling the shit from under my shoe.

You people are pussies. You hear that OP?! get on your two feet. Kick your lying ass fake friend to the curb...preferably the same curb your girlfriend will being laying flat on also. Before you do make sure EVERYONE knows the truth. Than go out and buy yourself and a good cup of coffee, laugh, and find a better girl to ask out.

what has his friend being in a relationship got do do with anything? we've established pretty conclusively that he's a cheater, but AT THE TIME this was irrelevant to the op. the ONLY thing this has to do with Al's gf is the fact that this whiny bitch wants to spill the beans to her out of some self-righteous notion of honesty.

grow up.

in this life shit happens and it's not always pretty, how we deal with situations is what makes us. your 'I'm taking my bat and ball and going home' attitude speaks of your childish and idealistic outlook on the world (don't worry, only 4 more sleeps until Santa comes!). do you seriously treat everyone in your life who makes a mistake with such disdain? to toss them aside like a used condom because they don't measure-up to your perfect yardstick? jesus, I'd be surprised if you have any friends outside of work.

have you stopped to consider for a second that Al was being quiet because he saw his friend happy in his current relationship? maybe he didn't want an indiscretion that meant nothing to either party to ruin the good thing they have (had?). you can moralise about it all you want, but you're just being naive. people f*ck up (well, obviously not you) and even though the op WILL tell Al's gf (he won't be able to help himself) and the outcome will be unnecessarily ugly, putting a mates head on the chopping-block is a low act, and I get the feeling that Al will kick HIS ass for it. actually, I hope he does.

and actually, a faggot is someone who ****s YOU in the bathroom for a one night stand, princess.

Having a relationship where you don't have to hide shit is a wonderful thing. Getting there can be painful, but it's worth it.

sometimes making it through stuff like this is what makes it 'worth it'.

[Gigabitch]

do you seriously treat everyone in your life who makes a mistake with such disdain? to toss them aside like a used condom because they don't measure-up to your perfect yardstick? jesus, I'd be surprised if you have any friends outside of work.

I don't think his gf sees it as a mistake, though. It sounds like she pretty much thinks it was a fine thing to do. That kind of cavalier sexual behavior makes me uncomfortable, and I don't think I'm alone in this.

Flea, can you honestly say that if you found out your woman ****ed one of your buddies at a party right before you got together and never told you about it, you wouldn't be bothered a bit?

[girl68]

^ bothered and dumping her ass are two different things.

[Only-virgins]

what has his friend being in a relationship got do do with anything? we've established pretty conclusively that he's a cheater, but AT THE TIME this was irrelevant to the op. the ONLY thing this has to do with Al's gf is the fact that this whiny bitch wants to spill the beans to her out of some self-righteous notion of honesty.

grow up.

in this life shit happens and it's not always pretty, how we deal with situations is what makes us. your 'I'm taking my bat and ball and going home' attitude speaks of your childish and idealistic outlook on the world (don't worry, only 4 more sleeps until Santa comes!). do you seriously treat everyone in your life who makes a mistake with such disdain? to toss them aside like a used condom because they don't measure-up to your perfect yardstick? jesus, I'd be surprised if you have any friends outside of work.

have you stopped to consider for a second that Al was being quiet because he saw his friend happy in his current relationship? maybe he didn't want an indiscretion that meant nothing to either party to ruin the good thing they have (had?). you can moralise about it all you want, but you're just being naive. people f*ck up (well, obviously not you) and even though the op WILL tell Al's gf (he won't be able to help himself) and the outcome will be unnecessarily ugly, putting a mates head on the chopping-block is a low act, and I get the feeling that Al will kick HIS ass for it. actually, I hope he does.

and actually, a faggot is someone who ****s YOU in the bathroom for a one night stand, princess.

Kick his ass? and I am the one who is supposed to grow up? haha that is priceless. I'm not dating my friend's left overs...you can go ahead and be the chump that you are but I'm not floating that fail boat with you. I don't judge everyone by every little detail they make but sex isn't exactly some small indiscretion as you put it. Sex always means something, even if it is sex just for pleasure. You can also take your bros before hoes attitude out of here with the he though he was doing his friend a good thing by not telling him, no one would buy that shit for one second. He is covering his ass and a good friend to me would tell me the truth no matter the pain it would cause. I value honesty almost above all things.

Flea, can you honestly say that if you found out your woman ****ed one of your buddies at a party right before you got together and never told you about it, you wouldn't be bothered a bit?

Of course he wouldn't be bothered since it is nothing but a small indiscretion lol.

[CocoChanel]

If I were in this situation, I wouldn't like it at all. I would like to know how easy it was to lay the chick from my best friend. I would expect to learn that information from my best friend before I got in to deep. Learning it 6 months later is not cool. As a matter of fact if I were Al and I were a true friend... I wouldn't want my friend with a easy chick like her. The fact that Al didn't say anything... is fcuked up.

[ctom18]

I'm still not really over this, so any other opinions are helpful.

[thirdtimelucky]

wow I am surprised at the responses to this thread. OK I have a few points to make. Firstly ctom you are in serious DANGER of getting f**ed up heart broken with this chick. Seriously be VERY careful. Secondly I know someone that almost the same thing happened to and it ended very badly, very. Thirdly no-one has said jack about her being on anti-depressants, ctom get busy on google finding out what that sh1t does to relationships, it's not good, it doesn't just have the side effects on the box it totally effects people hearts and their behaviour, in particular it can make people do stuff that is very out of character.

I might be jumping to conclusions here but does I think you have more problems with her than you are letting on or admitting to yourself. Do you always initiate sex with her? Do you sometimes feel like she is withdrawing from you? Does she show signs of keeping a somewhat seperate life from you? Does she make you feel jealous when that is totally not your style? Dating someone on ADs is dangerous, it effects their feelings and their heart. So many things in your story concern me and yes I'd feel like sh1t about this for sure and it's so hard to get stuff like this out of your mind. Especially when she didn't ever tell you, I don't think that is ok. Al sucks, what a scumbag.

My advice would be to do some serious digging with this relationship, there is more going on here than meets the eye. And don't sugar coat anything or make allowances for her. I also think it is messed up that you knew something had gone down with them, why? Whatever it was that is f***ed up. Something made you know they had history and that sucks. And it's just such a shit think to happen, imagine telling your kids about how you met. Sorry man, I bet you love her like mad but I think there is a big issue here. If I were you I'd read up heaps about anti-depressants, it's no coincidence that she said that was the reason she f***ed a guy in a bathroom, they make people do stuff that is out of character. Also see if she can get off them, usually there is an initial problem why someone goes on them and it goes away but they get stuck on them and withdrawal seems like the old problem coming back when it is just very very hard to get off them.

Anyway I hope you can work this out with her, she's probably an awesome girl but I'd be so careful and trust me this can get heaps worse for you than it would already be to leave her. Make sure she loves you heaps and in every way before you go too far, what often happens is the person on anti-depressants loses passionate romantic love for the other person but keeps the intimate/friendship love and doesn't tell their partner. Google Helen Fisher's AD research and the topix forum about relationships destroyed by ADs.

Good luck mate, if she's worth it and you can work this stuff out it would be awesome. An afterthough, do you think if she was single again she'd be ok with bathroom sex at a party or was that out of character? If it was a mistake and not something she'd do again that is good.

[whaywardj]

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

[ctom18]

Do you always initiate sex with her? Do you sometimes feel like she is withdrawing from you? Does she show signs of keeping a somewhat seperate life from you? Does she make you feel jealous when that is totally not your style?

Not at all. The answer is a definate "no" to all of those questions.

An afterthough, do you think if she was single again she'd be ok with bathroom sex at a party or was that out of character? If it was a mistake and not something she'd do again that is good.

After I found out about this we dug deep and dirty into each other's sexual past, and while she's had more partners than I'm that comfortable with, all signs point to this being an out of character, one time event.

[thirdtimelucky]

Cool, sounds like I was off the mark with some of that stuff, I just hear alarm bells when there are out of character sexual actions and antidepressants in the same sentance, they can definitely be a factor.

As for sexual past as long as it's in keeping with the person you think she is then I think it's ok. If it's an issue for her or she has done stuff that she is ashamed of or that you can't understand how she could have done it then that is a problem. If I was better at picking up my count would be way higher than that

[ctom18]

Cool, sounds like I was off the mark with some of that stuff, I just hear alarm bells when there are out of character sexual actions and antidepressants in the same sentance, they can definitely be a factor.

As for sexual past as long as it's in keeping with the person you think she is then I think it's ok. If it's an issue for her or she has done stuff that she is ashamed of or that you can't understand how she could have done it then that is a problem. If I was better at picking up my count would be way higher than that

She has had more sexual partners than me, and she's 3 years younger than me, so that adds up to a whole lot more sexual partners per year. I'm not really happy about that, and it doesn't necessary keep with the kind of person I thought she was.

But I feel like I can't get too judgemental about that. I've had enough casual sex myself, and like you said, my number would probably be higher if I had more opportunities.

[ctom18]

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Care to elaborate?

[whaywardj]

^ You've obviously been burnt real bad.

And it ain't a completely different situation than what I've been in. I've had friends who cheat. If I outed every person I knew who cheated well hell I'd have 1) a bad big mouth rep 2) few friends who trust me both rightfully so. Doesn't sound like a genious move on me no matter what my morals say.

Nope. That magnificent rant is pure OV. Got nothing to do with being burnt. Got more to do with zero tolerance for BS.