After 3 weeks of "No Contact", my ex emailed me today... Advice?

[vashti]

I don't see why - at this point in time, so soon after the breakup - you should feel obligated to see things through his perspective. That will come naturally in time. In the meantime, if it helps you move on, go ahead and hate him for a while.

[love&otherdrugs]

Thanks everyone. I guess it's almost a given that a person becomes irrational after a breakup. I guess to each their own. At least the anger isn't full-blown or making me do anything ridiculous, so I'll just try to keep it at bay and keep accepting what is happening. I think it's my mind's way of trying to wrap my head around everything and process it all.

I was doing some work on my laptop today, and his work email popped up in the gmail IM. He NEVER signs onto his work email (which is why I had even forgotten to block it), but I assume it's because he's telecommuting from MI right now. It was really strange to have his IM name pop up, to have my username online and KNOW he can see it, and to just not do anything about it. I went about my business, he didn't try once to contact me, and after he signed off, I blocked his work email.

It hurt a little knowing that he saw my email online and active, but didn't have the urge to say "hi" or "happy new year" or "happy birthday" or anything. But I suppose I need that... I need him to not contact me, and to see first-hand that I'm not a priority of his anymore, or his best friend. Minor dagger to the heart, but I'll be ok :-)

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds to me like you are doing just fine. Carry on. Its tough for us women to get over these pesky emotion-feeling thingies.

[love&otherdrugs]

Sounds to me like you are doing just fine. Carry on. Its tough for us women to get over these pesky emotion-feeling thingies.

It really is. I find it both sad but relieving that I can't seem to remember his voice. I can't remember the way he smelled or how it felt when he held me or held my hand. I'm starting to forget little things... like dumb meaningless jokes we had with each other, that sort of thing. It makes me sad that it means our time together is moving further into the past and the door is fully closing, but it gives me a bit of hope that one day I'll forget the pain and sadness that comes along when I think about him.

[IndiReloaded]

This too shall pass. Focus on other things.

[love&otherdrugs]

This too shall pass. Focus on other things.

My grandmother used to always say that phrase in hard times: "This too shall pass." Thank you for saying that, I needed to hear it :-)

I got a massage this morning, and MAN did that do wonders on my mood and stress levels! I only wish I could get them every two weeks! Haha. That and I went out with a girlfriend last night for drinks, and it was a huge ego boost to have men just walk up and offer to buy me a drink. I know that's shallow and superficial, but it did feel a little nice to be "noticed" somewhat... and lord knows that my ego took a beating in this breakup, so I am choosing to bask in it and the feel-good of my massage as much as possible today haha ;-)

[IndiReloaded]

Keep it up. Me, this time tomorrow I'll be skiing.

Breakups are good for you, I think, provided you don't make a habit of them. You learn a lot, you are better able to empathize with others. It's easy to wax wise about something one has no experience of (aka the BS you see regurgitated here on LF). But the lack of empathy is obvious. You've got it, you'll be fine.

[love&otherdrugs]

Keep it up. Me, this time tomorrow I'll be skiing.

Breakups are good for you, I think, provided you don't make a habit of them. You learn a lot, you are better able to empathize with others. It's easy to wax wise about something one has no experience of (aka the BS you see regurgitated here on LF). But the lack of empathy is obvious. You've got it, you'll be fine.

Thank you! I suppose breakups do have their good and bad consequences. I've had the bad consequences, now I'm going to try harder to focus on the good

Have fun skiing tomorrow! What a fun way to end the year! Be safe out there

[love&otherdrugs]

So it's my birthday today :-D I am playing around on my new Macbook Pro (gift from my parents so I can work more efficiently when I telecommute), and all of a sudden one of my tabs with my email lights up. My ex just emailed me. It was a reply from our previous email saying Merry Christmas to eachother. It just said Happy Bday S***
... That's it.

So now he's contacted me again through email. I had a feeling he would feel obligated to. So while today I'm going to let it go and go enjoy my day, later on tomorrow or throughout the weekend I'm not sure if I should just ignore it and let it go, or tell him blatantly that I don't want him to contact me and feel obligated to wish me well on special occasions/holidays. BLAH!

[Wakeup]

oh, another wee crumb! O.o

[love&otherdrugs]

... I responded "Thanks". I don't want to be mean. Not on my birthday. But I still am not sure if i should just let it go, or later on tell him that I'd like him to NOT contact me anymore, regardless of what holiday/occasion it is.

[searock]

You should have told him "Thanks, but please don't contact me again. Hope you understand. Have a great life :-)"

This way instead, you've communicated to him yet again that it's OK for him to contact you on special occasions. It's not too late to send him the last part of the message...

[Wakeup]

... I responded "Thanks". I don't want to be mean. Not on my birthday. But I still am not sure if i should just let it go, or later on tell him that I'd like him to NOT contact me anymore, regardless of what holiday/occasion it is.

If you're not prepared to tell him to stop contacting you ~ then you need to be able to ignore him without responding at all. If you don't want to be "mean" on your birthday then stop being mean to yourself by dragging this out any more then it has to be dragged out.

How do you feel now that he's graced you with another crumb that keeps him firmly planted in your brain?

[smackie9]

Its absolutely meaningless...let it go.

[love&otherdrugs]

You should have told him "Thanks, but please don't contact me again. Hope you understand. Have a great life :-)"

This way instead, you've communicated to him yet again that it's OK for him to contact you on special occasions. It's not too late to send him the last part of the message...

You're right. Later that afternoon I responded with this:

Hey J***,

I appreciate your wishing me a happy birthday, however, receiving messages from you is still a painful reminder of the ending of our relationship.

I'd appreciate it if you would please not contact me any further unless it is for reconciliation purposes.

Best Regards,

S***

It's weird, I sent the email and started tearing up. I wasn't sad... in a way I was relieved, because after I sent that email came a sense of conclusion and peace. It was overwhelming and reassuring at the same time to know I had finally closed that door of subconsciously waiting for him to contact me on the next holiday. He didn't respond, but I'm actually OK with that. I said what I needed to, and made myself boundaries so that I can heal.

It was a meaningless email from him, but I'm not going to let myself be bombarded with meaningless reminders because he feels obligated or is trying to be nice.