My GF left me...

[Satch]

Well, my ex and I are still talking. Light topics only. It is her birthday on Friday, and I have got her a CD, a DVD of her favourite movie (Pretty Woman), and a card. I'm hoping to see her on the day to give her the presents.

I'm also going to hand her a letter that I have been working on over the last few weeks. It basically explains that I do want to get married and do want to have children in my life. It also explains to her that I am taking counselling, and have discovered a few things about my behaviour that I have never noticed before. I give examples of situations where I did not act so well around her in the past, and explain where I went wrong and how I'm going to improve. I know that this is a gamble, but I think it is an educated gamble - one I'm willing to take.

I'd also like to publicly thank Cybog for his help with my letter. I appreciate it buddy.

Take care everyone, and I hope all your dreams come true like mine will eventually. Go the optimism!

Satch.

[mark20]

To be honest Satch I really think you are doing the wrong thing. In my experience and opinion the only option I can feasibly advice you to take would be to ignore her and move on. That means ignore everything; don't call her and for goodness sake don't shower her with dozens of birthday presents. I know now you're going to write back and suggest that I'm giving you the wrong advice but the problem is when people are in your situation their feelings are out of control and they are unable to think straight. I've been in your situation before and you are only going to look at yourself a few months down the line and realise how weak you have been. By calling her, getting her presents and catering to her every whim you are in effect telling her you are not ready to move on - this is making you appear desperate and she will know this. What you want to be doing is creating the impression to her that you are not even thinking about her and that you have moved on with your life. It wouldn't even hurt to ignore a couple of her calls and when you ring back explain that you were busy and didn't get time to answer. This will make you look occupied with your life and not continually obsessing over your lost relationship. You need to move on - do it now and for all you know she could come running back

Well, my ex and I are still talking. Light topics only. It is her birthday on Friday, and I have got her a CD, a DVD of her favourite movie (Pretty Woman), and a card. I'm hoping to see her on the day to give her the presents.

I'm also going to hand her a letter that I have been working on over the last few weeks. It basically explains that I do want to get married and do want to have children in my life. It also explains to her that I am taking counselling, and have discovered a few things about my behaviour that I have never noticed before. I give examples of situations where I did not act so well around her in the past, and explain where I went wrong and how I'm going to improve. I know that this is a gamble, but I think it is an educated gamble - one I'm willing to take.

I'd also like to publicly thank Cybog for his help with my letter. I appreciate it buddy.

Take care everyone, and I hope all your dreams come true like mine will eventually. Go the optimism!

Satch.

[RogerPodacter]

To be honest Satch I really think you are doing the wrong thing. In my experience and opinion the only option I can feasibly advice you to take would be to ignore her and move on. That means ignore everything; don't call her and for goodness sake don't shower her with dozens of birthday presents. I know now you're going to write back and suggest that I'm giving you the wrong advice but the problem is when people are in your situation their feelings are out of control and they are unable to think straight. I've been in your situation before and you are only going to look at yourself a few months down the line and realise how weak you have been. By calling her, getting her presents and catering to her every whim you are in effect telling her you are not ready to move on - this is making you appear desperate and she will know this. What you want to be doing is creating the impression to her that you are not even thinking about her and that you have moved on with your life. It wouldn't even hurt to ignore a couple of her calls and when you ring back explain that you were busy and didn't get time to answer. This will make you look occupied with your life and not continually obsessing over your lost relationship. You need to move on - do it now and for all you know she could come running back

I agree with Mark 200%.

[Soulkiss_29]

Mark and Roger -- I pretty much told him the same thing; not as graceful as Mark's post and geared towards the tough love approach, but Satch doesn't want to listen. Satch thinks that if he sends her these sappy and gay letters, acts all wussy and wimpy, and showers her with gifts, he'll win her back.

It sounds more like Satch is trying to buy her back. He is around 33 years old and is acting like some 15 year old teenager with virginitis. We told him our feelings and he is just gonna have to learn the hard way.

~Soul

[blue_moon2]

there right, face it... shes gone.. she has moved on.

you have to do the same.

[mark20]

I agree with you guys 100%

[ianv3]

It's killing me, I have to hear an update from Satch.

Thank god I found this forum and thread specifically before I started making the exact mistakes as Satch.

I just got dumped by my gf 10 days ago. We were together for 1.5years. I want her back and all, didn't eat/sleep for a few days, saw her two days after, etc etc etc. All the typical shit. But this thread has made me come to my senses and realize that if she will ever want to come back to me, I will pretty much have to ignore her and indirectly (give off a vibe to her/my friends) than I am ok with moving on and I no longer carry the traits that I *believe* she left me for, etc. Basically make it so she finds out that I picked up a pair of metal underware and she will not have my balls in her hand.

Hell, an hour ago I was even considering giving her a 10 dollar xmas gift, but I just threw that idea pretty much out the window. She works at the mall and I was considering going to the mall and seeing her, acting like I was there for my mom's xmas gift and stopped by to see her. Forget that. Girls unfortunately have guys 100% figured out, and me doing that wouldn't fool her a bit! Last thing I need is for her to think she's got me figured out.

We're both on instant messenger alot. It's funny, she'll leave an away message saying she's out and all this, using a smily face, etc. I have a hunch it's just to get at me. (anyone agree?) Now I just view it as a poker game or something, I'm gonna call her bluff and raise her. My away message tonight will be a big ass smile and a "hell yeah!" That ought to get her wondering.

I get it. I don't understand girls, but I understand the ways to have a slight chance of getting one back.

Thank ya!

[jakki2903]

It's killing me, I have to hear an update from Satch.

Thank god I found this forum and thread specifically before I started making the exact mistakes as Satch.

I just got dumped by my gf 10 days ago. We were together for 1.5years. I want her back and all, didn't eat/sleep for a few days, saw her two days after, etc etc etc. All the typical shit. But this thread has made me come to my senses and realize that if she will ever want to come back to me, I will pretty much have to ignore her and indirectly (give off a vibe to her/my friends) than I am ok with moving on and I no longer carry the traits that I *believe* she left me for, etc. Basically make it so she finds out that I picked up a pair of metal underware and she will not have my balls in her hand.

Hell, an hour ago I was even considering giving her a 10 dollar xmas gift, but I just threw that idea pretty much out the window. She works at the mall and I was considering going to the mall and seeing her, acting like I was there for my mom's xmas gift and stopped by to see her. Forget that. Girls unfortunately have guys 100% figured out, and me doing that wouldn't fool her a bit! Last thing I need is for her to think she's got me figured out.

We're both on instant messenger alot. It's funny, she'll leave an away message saying she's out and all this, using a smily face, etc. I have a hunch it's just to get at me. (anyone agree?) Now I just view it as a poker game or something, I'm gonna call her bluff and raise her. My away message tonight will be a big ass smile and a "hell yeah!" That ought to get her wondering.

I get it. I don't understand girls, but I understand the ways to have a slight chance of getting one back.

Thank ya!

Leaving someone b is a massive massive massive good thing.

They get the opportunity to:

A) Miss u
B) Realise that maybe just maybe they haven't got u all figured out
c) Realise if they do love you
d) Realise you are the one or not the one for them

You have to give someone that wants space, time apart or split the chance to be themselves again - a relationship breaks up or down because maybe you sufficated her/them.

I did this - very badly and it hurt so much but I gave him the time he needed and sure enough we're back together and things are better then ever - better then in the beginning. I realised my mistakes and stepped back and reclaimed my life. Satch ur life isn't ur own right now - it's consumed with your ex and it isn't healthy - you need to let go - I know u feel this undying urge to keep reminding her your there but trust me she will not forget - I would not give her that letter - I read through the entire posts and the first letter and I as a girl was like - bl55dy hell - I would need space - remember the expression - if you love someone set them free and if they return to you then they are yours. Think about it and put it into action - the path of true love never run smooth - this is your rocky road - but walk it - and get on - you have xmas coming up - the worst time of year to be single and I know u prob wanna stay in and drown ur sorrows but don't - drag yourself out and have a good time. Remember how it felt to be happy, carefree and single? We don't need someone to complete us we need someone to compliment us - this isn't happening right now - step back!!

[ianv3]

Thanks for the reply. It's only been a few days, but I figure I'd make a quick update and let you analize it for me. I mean, please analize it for me.

First off, we're both 20. Our only form of contact was really instant messenger as we don't have cell phones. She'd call the house phone every now and then when we were dating, but mainly we'd just talk online if we weren't with eachother.

From day 3 to 8ish after the break, I was IM'ing her just being the person from when we first started dating *and then slightly more*. It seems like a huge mistake now that I know better from this forum, but that's what happened. There wasn't any begging or annoyance, so I almost consider it a good thing to be honest, as she now knows that I am not close to the same person I was when we broke. I even got a "wow you are so different". Even on something like day 5, I got a "I miss you".

Knowing that she was checking my away messages multiple times daily, I started to leave them making it clear I was out. 3 nights ago (Friday), I left an away message saying I was @ a party. Two nights ago, I made my message say I was upnorth with a group of people.

Yesturday was the end of the weekend, so I decided to go full on with the "No Contact". I figured that if she saw my away messages daily, she might as well see me walking down the street daily. I decided to have no away message, as that's basically the same as not being online, but she could just easily contact me at will I left no away message yesturday morning and walked away from the computer. My name went idle, so she'd know I wasn't there, and for how long I wasn't there. Yesturday afternoon (6 hours idle) I got a "hi". The first contact from her since Thursday. Then today (about fully day idle) I got another message. It said "I saw a person at work today and thought of you". Right after that message, the house phone rang, but I did not answer assuming it was her.

Four hours after that message I have been idle for nearly a day and half now. Being idle for days at a time is not me at all, so I had to become unidle. Now that she saw I wasn't idle, she knew I saw her message. I couldn't simply say nothing, as she'd think I was avoiding. I just want her to think that I'm too busy to be at the computer, not avoiding. So I replied a simple "that's neat".

No contact has begun right after that again and has been continuing for 3 hours now. Any comments on my actions? Am I doing this right? Do my chances look good or nah? I plan on just continuing in hopes that she'll want to meet up or something.

[jakki2903]

Yeah the past few days sound like your on the right track. The away messages were a really bad idea - it would be obvious to me what they were for. She knew where you were. What you wanna do is surround yourself with mystery - the idle thing is great - but when you do go on and she’s sent you a message don’t respond - or don’t respond straightaway that way she’ll message you again and you’ll get a reaction - once you get a react though carry on being aloof - do not mention the relationship, do not be friends - if you play the friends card well that’s just the same as telling her your always there. Never tell someone that your always there. You have a life and they will not respect you for it.

I tried this yesterday with my boyfriend. I was round his with his parents watching TV (just in case your wondering I’m 24 and he’s 28 - so we’re not young - not that this has anything to do with age). Anyway when I left I briefly kissed him and drove home - we usually kiss properly and he usually say’s he’ll email me - anyway I was driving for five mins when I got a text from him saying ‘was really nice to see u tonight x’ I didn’t reply - (I always reply) and then he text me again forty five mins later - obviously wondering about me - he was worried. I got a bit of my power back. I know it seems so stupid playing mind games but unfortunately they do work.

I suggest that you don’t go anywhere near online for a few days - not watch it or anything then when you do go on see if there are any messages from her - if there is DO NOT reply straightaway - trust me she will message again something like ‘what’s up’ - you can reply then and only then with something aloof like ‘yeah cool’ - do not ask her a question like ‘how are u’ cos then she’ll suss you/

Does any of this make sense?? Good luck!

[ianv3]

Yeah the past few days sound like your on the right track. The away messages were a really bad idea - it would be obvious to me what they were for. She knew where you were. What you wanna do is surround yourself with mystery - the idle thing is great - but when you do go on and she’s sent you a message don’t respond - or don’t respond straightaway that way she’ll message you again and you’ll get a reaction - once you get a react though carry on being aloof - do not mention the relationship, do not be friends - if you play the friends card well that’s just the same as telling her your always there. Never tell someone that your always there. You have a life and they will not respect you for it.

I tried this yesterday with my boyfriend. I was round his with his parents watching TV (just in case your wondering I’m 24 and he’s 28 - so we’re not young - not that this has anything to do with age). Anyway when I left I briefly kissed him and drove home - we usually kiss properly and he usually say’s he’ll email me - anyway I was driving for five mins when I got a text from him saying ‘was really nice to see u tonight x’ I didn’t reply - (I always reply) and then he text me again forty five mins later - obviously wondering about me - he was worried. I got a bit of my power back. I know it seems so stupid playing mind games but unfortunately they do work.

I suggest that you don’t go anywhere near online for a few days - not watch it or anything then when you do go on see if there are any messages from her - if there is DO NOT reply straightaway - trust me she will message again something like ‘what’s up’ - you can reply then and only then with something aloof like ‘yeah cool’ - do not ask her a question like ‘how are u’ cos then she’ll suss you/

Does any of this make sense?? Good luck!

Thanks for the reply. A few hours after posting that last night, I ended up just signing off. I don't plan to sign back on for a week, so if she wants to talk to me, she'll have to call. She's the one that left me, so I'll give her a real taste of me being gone 100%.

Thanks again.

[cbee]

Hey Jakki,

It's great to hear you're getting on ok. I was wondering how things were going!

Guess you may be getting half a toaster's worth of present after all!!! lol

Claire

[jakki2903]

Hey Jakki,

It's great to hear you're getting on ok. I was wondering how things were going!

Guess you may be getting half a toaster's worth of present after all!!! lol

Claire

Hi Claire,

Thanks - yeah things are going well - I got the bloke I met back after I cooled off - I realised my insecurities were driving him away. How are things with you?

Jakki

[ianv3]

lord, how long does no contact go for...im pacing here.

lol, this is hard.

[ianv3]

Dammit.

Phone rang tonight at 1030. I was expecting a call from a friend, and she knows better than to call the house after 10. So I answered without thinking twice.

Crap.

She's being hounded by this guy now, she says to save her, I'm the only one that knows about it, etc. She says she wants to call but doesn't want to bore me with her daily crap but always wants to. I told her my friend was on his way over and I had to go. She said "now you're being mean, he can wait", jokingly. She says she's doing nothing all the time, I'm was her best friend, yatta yatta, call me, you don't have to hide, blah blah. So then she started telling me if I was by her work to stop by, etc. I just said alright and said I had to go, "take care of yourself".

The tone in my voice made me sound like an asshole when I talk to my Grandma. Now I'm kicking myself over this though.

Someone tell me something, my mind is going a million miles an hour.