"Nice Guys"

[artyemi]

Or sometimes, they don't find it, and know they're not made for each other, but don't know what the heck they want to they get stuck in nowhere and are just miserable all the time. .

So therefore, finding love isn't a waste of time. Why settle for anything less, especially when you see how happy people in love are?

[Kiechi]

In my T.O.K class we were talking about expectations. Maybe this might be another reasonf or break-ups. In life people have a certain expectation, a protoype as you will, when they think they found this new found experience it doesn't always fullfil their expectation thus resulting in a failed experience. Maybe it's the same thing with love? All this crap with love being eternal and ever lasting is maybe what people actually see love as when they think they have found love, what they were looking for wasn't there? I don't know. Just thoughts.

[artyemi]

Yea, just as relationships. People expect relationships to have a direction, or go somewhere. If it already has limitations set, such as saying it isn't going to lead to this or that, then why would it still be pursued?

[Prodigal]

Or sometimes, they don't find it, and know they're not made for each other, but don't know what the heck they want to they get stuck in nowhere and are just miserable all the time. .

So therefore, finding love isn't a waste of time. Why settle for anything less, especially when you see how happy people in love are?

Wow, what a great point. That's the motivation for me, it's what keeps me going. The hope of finding someone in which I really connect with... being one of those 'happy people in love'.

Sorta like jobs- there are people who stay in jobs they don't like sorta out of necessity. They would have to go through an amount of hardship to maybe change to what they really want, and they're just too afraid that it won't work out.

[artyemi]

Hey Prod- me too. It's what keeps me going. Do I want something that when at its best it's only miediocre, or something that just... feels right..

Kiechi- Sure, relationships have expectations. People have expectations of everything (or at least of most things.) At some point, people realize that that love maybe doesn't exist. And they settle for something less. Then, something usually happens to make them question that settling. I think that would lead to breakup because they figure it's not possible with this person, but what about the other person? Could it it better?

[Prodigal]

Depends on the circumstances. If married with a family, then breakup isn't as likely. It becomes an issue of of self-fulfillment or selfless sacrifice. I'm sure many couples stay together just for the happiness of their kids... very respectable, but such a shame in my opinion. If not so tied down with commitments (other than a long-term relationship), then breakup is more likely. Even then some people would stay just out of fear of losing what they have, or attachment, etc.. even if there is no 'love' in the relationship.

The 'new stimulus' idea is something that I've been throwing around in my head for a while now. Being so ensconced by this idealized thought of love, and wanting it so bad because it's something most people haven't experienced. I thought about it with relationships, getting bored with the s.o. after being with him/her for a while.. it's something I don't want to believe. I think it happens a lot, but I also believe it isn't love to begin with. Expectations are not met because this sort of thing is very rare. I don't think the eternal love thing is crap, but I think it's really hard to find. If you don't settle for something less it leads to a lot of pain. Maybe regret for not settling. Most definitely from the loneliness during all that time. And maybe, you won't ever find what you're looking for.

It's a hard path to choose... hope is the only encouragement. And sometimes, things seem so bleak that you think the hope is false. But... imho, believing there is no such thing as this 'eternal love' is equivalent to have already given up and settled down.

[artyemi]

Depends on the circumstances. If married with a family, then breakup isn't as likely. It becomes an issue of of self-fulfillment or selfless sacrifice. I'm sure many couples stay together just for the happiness of their kids... very respectable, but such a shame in my opinion. If not so tied down with commitments (other than a long-term relationship), then breakup is more likely. Even then some people would stay just out of fear of losing what they have, or attachment, etc.. even if there is no 'love' in the relationship.

I agree that these situations are such a shame.

The 'new stimulus' idea is something that I've been throwing around in my head for a while now. Being so ensconced by this idealized thought of love, and wanting it so bad because it's something most people haven't experienced. I thought about it with relationships, getting bored with the s.o. after being with him/her for a while.. it's something I don't want to believe. I think it happens a lot, but I also believe it isn't love to begin with. Expectations are not met because this sort of thing is very rare. I don't think the eternal love thing is crap, but I think it's really hard to find. If you don't settle for something less it leads to a lot of pain. Maybe regret for not settling. Most definitely from the loneliness during all that time. And maybe, you won't ever find what you're looking for.

It's a hard path to choose... hope is the only encouragement. And sometimes, things seem so bleak that you think the hope is false. But... imho, believing there is no such thing as this 'eternal love' is equivalent to have already given up and settled down.

Again, I agree with that last line. Sadly, most of us settle because we give up on that hope.

[Asip4u]

Nice guys finish last. Girls have this thing where they like to be able to change or tame this bad boy. But when they reach the age of 25 or whatever they realised they all ****t up and now are stuck with 4 shit faced kids with no job. Well done girls.

lol...that's so true Kiechi

[nomas]

Twist:

Say you are with someone. You began as friends, then getting to know each other, dating, etc. The relationship develops naturally. You are an official couple. You eventually move in together. Live together a few years..

Then one day, for whatever reason; the love is dead, you cannot tolerate him leaving the toilet seat up, you are tired of her fretting the small stuff, whatever..you decide..this isn't working, let's end it.

Here's the Q:

You say, let's go back to being just friends like we were before. We were very special in each other's lives so we wouldn't want to just disappear from each other's lives.

The question is: ¿Could you do this? Can you be someone's friend, maybe even good friend when you were intimate with someone. A demotion, so to speak. Even if you both agreed to it in good terms? Or is this something you JUST COULD NOT deal with?

I guess the answer will depend on what you still feel for the person. I think I could go back to just friends. I think there are those who will say, absolutely not.

Go.

[Asip4u]

I guess the answer will depend on what you still feel for the person. I think I could go back to just friends. I think there are those who will say, absolutely not.

Go.

Yea, i say it depends on what you still feel for the person. Nomas, there are those who will also say that they can go back to being friends yet the sole purpose to that is because they're hoping that something else develops. You can actually notice the jealousy and so on happen and that is the actual proof that you still have feelings for that person. So it is possible but i'll say it's very rare.

[artyemi]

Twist:

Say you are with someone. You began as friends, then getting to know each other, dating, etc. The relationship develops naturally. You are an official couple. You eventually move in together. Live together a few years..

Then one day, for whatever reason; the love is dead, you cannot tolerate him leaving the toilet seat up, you are tired of her fretting the small stuff, whatever..you decide..this isn't working, let's end it.

Here's the Q:

You say, let's go back to being just friends like we were before. We were very special in each other's lives so we wouldn't want to just disappear from each other's lives.

The question is: ¿Could you do this? Can you be someone's friend, maybe even good friend when you were intimate with someone. A demotion, so to speak. Even if you both agreed to it in good terms? Or is this something you JUST COULD NOT deal with?

I guess the answer will depend on what you still feel for the person. I think I could go back to just friends. I think there are those who will say, absolutely not.

Go.

I'm making that decision right now. I'm choosing to end all contact right away. I think we became such good friends, and that I will surely miss having him around. But if he's around, I know that I'll also value him above my other friends, because I always value him above all my other friends, even when we were just friends.

Without him, I can devote more time to further developing the other relationships (friendships that is) around me, rather than keep getting emotionally involved every time he's feeling hurt. And yea, he doesn't ask me to hang out with him instead of with the other people, but I like to hang out with him. Even if it turns into a fight, I sooo much enjoy his company.

That's why I would break contact. It's my first time to do this no contact thing (not the actual first time, but the first person I tried it with.)

[Cybog]

Unstuck :O

[RSK]

Unstuck :O

Wow, Your Powers are far Superior. You have learned the powers of 'Stuck', 'Unstuck'.

I'm just having a little fun, but I am sorry about my finger happy thread posting whorish manner yesterday.

[Mish]

Great Post Cybog

But what about those guys who are genuinly nice and do all those nice things described in your post without wanting anything back, but at the same time are confident and do get the girl? (And keep the girl). The guys who are nice most of the time, but can be mean when they feel that a certain line has been crossed, to make sure their point is carried accross. Guy who stick with their principles and genuinly do what they believe is right. Do they fall into the same category? I think it is very hard to pegion hole these things, but a great post none the less.

"I'm choosing to end all contact right away. I think we became such good friends, and that I will surely miss having him around. But if he's around, I know that I'll also value him above my other friends, because I always value him above all my other friends, even when we were just friends."

And

"And yea, he doesn't ask me to hang out with him instead of with the other people, but I like to hang out with him. Even if it turns into a fight, I sooo much enjoy his company.

That's why I would break contact. It's my first time to do this no contact thing (not the actual first time, but the first person I tried it with.)" By artyemi

I am new on this thread and don't know you and i don't know the story behind this friendship (Who dumped who and so on), but it sounds like you have not moved on from this particular relationship. Why pursue no contact if you obviously are so in love with this person? He will not take you back under any cricumstances so you have no other option, but to try and forget him? I recommend to talk to him first before switching all systems into the "No contact" mode. Maybe he still secretly wants the same... Don't assume you know how he thinks...

"I wish I could find more nice guys in this city of mine."

And

"Its been a little over two weeks now since I broke it off. My ex was deffinitly a nice guy, but we both just gave up." By Fawn

If you in fact ARE looking for a nice guy, why did you break it off with your ex? I think this issue, maybe the epitomy of what this post is reffering to. Wanting a nice guy, but not taking one, I don't understand this contradiction in the way of thinking. Why is it that YOU broke it off and YOU and HIM just gave up. Did you and him just give up after you broke it off? Are you certain that he wanted to break things off the same way you did? Maybe he is still there sitting by the table at night staring out into the distance thinking about you and how good it will be to get back together. Maybe you need to look no further for a nice guy than that number in the address book of your cell phone?

Sorry for picking up an old post, which i enjoyed reading by the way. Just trying to understand a few things. Hope i am not stepping on anyone's toes in the proccess

Respect...

[Tone]

Uh, what.



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