High school sweetheart relationship of 4 years ended, having difficulty moving on...

[lolerskates]

Hey, I loved that song growing up, didn't know the lyrics specifically pertained to this

Anyways, my last visit with B was more of the same. She first says she wants to talk. I get there and then she says she doesn't want to talk, but she wants to cuddle, "No sex", and just sleep together. Yet over the course of the night, she'll begin to moan when I cuddle her and it's always inevitable what comes next. My self-esteem is something I've always had trouble with. Anyways, I decided to do something I never thought I'd do in a million years...I put myself up on a dating site. Never thought about it before, I figured that I'm too young to be finding dates online, and I was worried I'd be submitting myself to some perpetual rejection machine. On top of that, wouldn't all the worthwhile girls have no problem finding a guy in real life?

Boy, was I wrong! The day I put my profile up, I actually had girls messaging me and trying to get to know me! And not just any girls, but very attractive women that are completely normal (or who are more like me at least). And best of all, I actually found a girl who I totally find interesting and she seems to find me interesting too. I took her out to the zoo on Monday and last night we went onto an impromptu date to get some frozen yogurt (I insisted on paying but she treated me!). We laid down on the beach, watched the sunset, and kissed her (twice). Before we knew it, the sunset passed and it was midnight! She's so easy for me to talk to, and we both suffered similar fates from our last relationships. She's such an incredibly real and amazing person, and I get a sense of integrity, humbleness, and intelligence when I talk to her. She told me she couldn't believe I'd be on a dating site, and I told her the very same thing

I feel like a million bucks. Even more-so, I want to improve myself for my significant other (whoever that may turn out to be). I'm almost stricken with pain already - as I can instantly tell that I could care for this girl a lot. It's almost as if she's after my heart. Even though more than ever am I done with the thought of B, I see everything that I liked about B, except amplified, in this woman I'm dating. It's as if everything she says is the right thing. I don't even feel anxiety in her presence - I feel relatively at ease and confident. She told me that she can't remember the last time she's been able to just lay down and talk to someone, and I feel the same way. I just need to make sure that this relationship is based entirely on my genuine interest in this woman, and not about making some sort of statement to B. A small part of me can't wait until B tries to beg for my attention again, just so I can be the one dealing out the rejection. I want her to know that while she's been busy being a manipulative, amoral slut - I've found someone who will actually stick by my side and is a lot more beautiful/intelligent/talented than she could ever be. And no matter how my relationship with this new girl goes, I'm sure now I can find a woman no matter what - I'll live and know that good character on my behalf will take me a long way.

[smackie9]

You have just been given a wonderful gift and you want revenge? Beware of Karma...pettiness will only poison your happiness.....just move on....remember silence is more deadly, than looking like a stupid shlep saying "look at me now bitch!"

[lolerskates]

You have just been given a wonderful gift and you want revenge? Beware of Karma...pettiness will only poison your happiness.....just move on....remember silence is more deadly, than looking like a stupid shlep saying "look at me now bitch!"

Like I said, it's a small part of me, purely rooted in the pain felt from the relationship. I don't believe in karma but I believe in integrity and being good people (even to those who might not deserve it). Ultimately I will choose to forgive and forget. Which is really a good reason to never talk to B ever again. But to a degree that almost feels vengeful too. It feels like she wants to be able to talk to me and come to me for support - even being broken up she's taken me up on that opportunity dozens of times. She's told me that she was always my biggest cheerleader, even if we aren't still together, and she's told me herself that I shouldn't have any problems finding great women. Ultimately though, she can't be in my thoughts in any shape/way/form. Her words, no matter how kind or supportive they were, rarely synced with her actions. Silence it will have to be. She'll get to hear all about it from her coworkers anyways, I don't need to say a thing.

I think that puts a close on this thread. I know how I feel and I feel a lot more whole and well-rounded since starting it. I've said it many times and I'll say it again, thank you for the support and what you do here. The reflection process feels so important, and you guys really put things into perspective. Hopefully future threads I start here will be in a more positive vein. I guess all I have is one question that isn't relevant to the thread but is relevant to my new situation!

When is it an appropriate time to ask this girl I've met to be my girlfriend? Like I said, we've had 2 excellent dates and last night she was very open to holding hands and kissing. On Saturday we're planning to go canoeing out on a lake! Should I ask her then, or is it too soon? Thinking about it, we've probably only actually spent 6 hours together. Is that something I shouldn't even consider? We already have talked a lot about future plans/trips we should take together, so I feel like perhaps it wouldn't be far fetched to ask. It just feels like there's a thin, nearly indistinguishable line between coming off as desperate and showing interest. Maybe I'm overthinking it?

[michelle23]

if your dating again-then please for your sake and any new gfs sake-stay away from B. keep your integrity, dont cheat, learn to say no to B and dont get caught up in a love triangle. this new girl should boost your confidence and its the motivation you need to start withdrawing from your addiction to B and start healing. learn from all your mistakes and in time you will learn what a healthy functional relationship is and what real love feels like.

best of luck-stay strong and be happy. you have everything to live for. just cut that poison out of your life xx

[smackie9]

Me personally....give it a couple of weeks.....BUT You will know when the time is right......

[michelle23]

yyoull know when it feels right. sounds like shes on the same page and wants to be ur gf

[lolerskates]

That cheating stuff is out of my system and I'm definitely going to try my best to keep this relationship going. And I never know when the time is right. I feel like perhaps sooner would be better because she's really "cheesin" on me (saying she'd like to see me every day, says she could never get bored of talking to me, loses sleep to spend time/text me) and I don't want to make her feel like I'm leading her on. I just don't want to miss the opportunity, even though I realize I could miss it equally by possibly asking too early. I don't feel like she'd say no . She hasn't been in many relationships and was a Mormon up until recently - I don't think she'd be the type to kiss guys without having intentions of more than just being friends. I even asked her to go to a movie with me tomorrow night. We just met and we're already spending at least 4/7 days of the week together, that's not too excessive is it? She's hinted that she wants to see me as much as she can.

[michelle23]

Follow her lead.. She seems very interested and it does sound like she wants to be your gf

[lolerskates]

It was a little awkward, but I asked her. It did require me to follow her lead, and I didn't even make it to the canoe trip tomorrow to ask her out. I took her to the movies earlier this night and then we walked around a nearby lake and just enjoyed eachother's company. After I kissed her she asks "So, what do you think?". I told her she can't ask me such a general question and expect an answer, so she hints "Where should we take it from here?". So I asked her and she said yes very quickly. She seemed extremely excited and happy, and so was I.

It's really difficult to sum up my feelings on it all. I just don't even know where to start. I'll just say that I'm really thankful for the timing. I wasn't even signed up to PoF for a week - the very first girl I met on there and the first girl I dated turned out to be the one to catch my eye. She makes me so happy. We actually have a lot of personality traits and likes/dislikes in common. I can't get enough of her. I just hope I can be good enough, I'm going to try my best.


EDIT: Came back to say that the situation feels surreal to me. A small part of me wishes I kept dating purely on the grounds that it seems desperate of me to not give anyone else a chance - there could be better women for me out there. A big part of doesn't to pass up on the opportunity of this relationship. She just feels right to me. She makes me so happy, and she's so easy for me to get along with. So far it seems like we could constantly talk to each other - there were very few pauses in our conversations. And the pauses weren't awkward - they felt very comfortable. I find her attractive, but not intimidatingly so. She's not lazy and overly busy like other women I've dated - she has had time for me 4 days this week, and for all I know we might hang out even more than that. Every single date has gone significantly longer than planned. She seems to just radiate excitement in my presence, which is something I'm never used to. Most women at my work, for example, don't even look at me or say "hi" - as if I don't even exist.

[michelle23]

thats coz they prob new you were in a relationship and coz its a bad idea to get involved with work colleagues. I hope it all works out for you and Im glad your feeling more positive and happy. Just stay away from B now, put all your energy into healing and concentrate on your new girl

Best of luck

[smackie9]

Something like this is so random....you should never question it and just run with it....if it feels right, that»'s because it is.

[lolerskates]

thats coz they prob new you were in a relationship and coz its a bad idea to get involved with work colleagues. I hope it all works out for you and Im glad your feeling more positive and happy. Just stay away from B now, put all your energy into healing and concentrate on your new girl

Best of luck

Thank you (and smackie9). I thought it was going to be the end of B when I blocked her, but it's not the end and this isn't the easy part.

B is claiming that she meant to get back with me because her previous relationship didn't feel right to her and she realized she wanted me. She told me she hasn't been able to see me or tell me her feelings because she's been busy tending to her mom's life threatening situation in the hospital (this is actually true, I know it for a fact). Every night since I made Megan my girlfriend, B has been drunk texting me at night, telling me how much she misses me, loves me, wants to marry me, etc. She's telling me that she wants to be with me forever and would gladly spend the rest of her life trying to make me happy. Not only that, but she's been blowing up my phone practically 24/7 (at work, while I'm with Megan, pretty much all hours of the day) telling me all the things she would do for me if we got back together.

I keep telling her that she has had her time and purely waited until I was in a relationship before she decided she wants me, which isn't cool, and it's unfortunate that her mom has been in the hospital.


I don't even have any questions or anything. I just needed to vent my frustration for the situation. The only thing that doesn't feel right about being with Megan is that I still love Brooke and having to turn her down is probably the most painful thing in the world. "Please choose me. I need you babe. You are peanut to my butter and the cheese to my Mac and the butter to my toast and the bulb to my light. You complete me. No one else will ever make me feel the way you do. Please please please. I will get on my knees and beg if I have to. I love you and promise to make you the happiest you've ever been".


Megan is awesome. I just feel so sorry for B, and I still love her.

[smackie9]

Like I said in another thread...if I had to ignore them and move on to get their attention, I would pass on it. She is being pathetic. You do your best to move on and enjoy your new relationship.

[michelle23]

dude come on cach a grip. you KNOW B is no good for you, you know deep down it is never going to work. do you really want to go back to tht? i know you love her but sometimes love is not enough. you cant trust her, she has no respect for you, she has taken all your confidence away to the point that you have lost all self respect! why havnt you blocked her from your phone? or gotten a new number? she only wants you when she cant have you and unless you put your foot down now and man up your gonna be dealing with this bollox for the rest of your life.

as for megan, i dont think your ready yet for a new relationship and your gonna hurt her. maybe you should put an end to both and just be alone for awhile, focus on healing. you can do it on your own, you just have to be strong.