Fiance and His Mother

[Sonrisa]

Then it's obvious that she is rejecting you. Girl, you got a lot of work to do.

[qwertz]

state the obvious sonrisa!!! lol

[misombra]

when you marry someone you marry their family too. that's why if you ever meet an orphan, marry that person.

[bluesummer]

Wow, I'm so glad my in-laws like me. But not all my ex's parents did.

I had a bf whose parents both disliked me, because they were educated and successful, and my parents were not. Basically, they thought I was trailer trash. Three years into the relationship, they were barely able to zip their lips at all about what they REALLY thought of me. I would scream at my bf, asking WHY he refused to defend me (he would tell me to ignore it). Couldn't understand why someone who loved me wouldn't take my side. I began to openly disrespect his parents. Ignoring them, refusing to spend time with them, doing the opposite of what I knew they'd like.

In the end, this behaviour just 'confirmed' for them that I was a 'bad person' and not good for their son. My bf resented that I was disrespecting his parents and expecting him to do the same. It ultimately caused the relationship to crumble.

Based on this, my advice is to suck it up, to an extent. Prove to her that you're the bigger person. It may cause her to lash out more, but that's because she's frustrated you're not proving her RIGHT. When she insults you, act like she never spoke. When she comes over (even if she rolls her eyes), make yourself present and pleasant. It will probably kill you inside, but it will also probably make her leave faster. Maybe you guys will never get along. Maybe she just needs to be worn down. Just kill her with kindness.

I believe, also, your man shouldn't be expected to tell off his own mom. He can privately tell her to check her behaviour, but most men don't want to cross their mommy. Understand that. It's a behaviour I've witnessed in nearly every man I've been with. The men that are prone to telling mommy where to go are usually assholes. So in a way be thankful that's not what he's doing.

[CocoChanel]

Thank you Blue!! Those are good ideas and I will use this advice big time.

[girl68]

First of all I know how you feel- to an extend.

Second those who have told you to suck it up and live with it are right. Vent here, but leave it here.

His mom will forver be a pain in your ass...

[doppelgaenger]

I remember one time I had a girl over, and my mom made supper for all of us. The girl didn't eat anything because she was stupid an anorexic. I was so pissed off that she disrespected my mom like that. And then she tried to throw away her food while my mom's back was turned! The bitch!

A guy never knows whose side to be on. Of course, we don't want our parents to disrespect our loved ones, but a nice girl would never disrespect my parents. Whenever situations like that manifest themselves, I would try to stay as neutral as possible. Of course, the one I plan to bring home this summer my mother already likes

[CocoChanel]

Omg Doppey she was just an idiot. Wow LOL! But It's good that you found someone better than that!!

@Girl... thanks! I think I will suck it up for his sake. I can imagine it must be hard for him. And he does a good job of making me feel better whenever she leaves. LOL I like the healing process *ahem* if you know what I mean.

[girl68]

Keep your head up, she's not changing her ways ever. Grin and bear it but laugh or scream your heart out when no one is listening .

Don't worry I'm not good enough for my bf guess why? Becasue I can't cook authentic chinese! Haha he's been with me for 3 years and he hasn't starved yet... nor left me for a better chef. I grin and bear it when she comes over tells me how to cook- as if I asked her.

[CocoChanel]

@Girl... ughhhhh no kidding!! She tries to give me advice on cooking too and me and Anako look at each other and wink LOL! Last year for Thanksgiving Anako told me his Mom's Neighbor bought over some fried turkey as a present. He said she got extremely angry because Anako kept eating more of the fried turkey and only ate a little bit of her turkey. He was cracking up when he was telling me.LOL!!!

[chump4u]

@Girl... thanks! I think I will suck it up for his sake. I can imagine it must be hard for him. And he does a good job of making me feel better whenever she leaves. LOL I like the healing process *ahem* if you know what I mean.

.

The people who pointed out that men have a special, powerful tie to their mothers understated the case-- it's an emotional attachment that is beyond definition, more of a basic instinct than a "love" connection. And, as Bluesummer indicates, you really wouldn't like to meet a guy who was so psychologically warped and emotionally dead that he didn't feel that attachment. Your guy can't be blamed for not "straightening out" his mom-- because Mother Nature would hand him a good emotional bitch-slapping if he did.

On the other hand, Anako is handing you a real compliment by not taking sides-- by not being able to take sides-- between you and his mother. He's showing you that the feelings he's developed for you are at least as powerful as his instinctive love for his mother.

So Anako is sort of in the position of a guy whose eyes have had a disagreement, and each eye is demanding that he gouge the other out. That's the definition of a stressful situation. I'll bet he hates seeing his mother and you together even more than you two hate being together. It's good of you to give him a bit of slack in this situation, and I expect that he appreciates you not forcing him to choose between you and his mom.

[misombra]

do you see his mom as competition?

[CocoChanel]

do you see his mom as competition?

No. But I am always intimidated by his lifestyle though. Afraid I wouldn't fit in and everything. His ex's and some of the women he dated... were famous and had loads of money. Model type women... so yeah I almost felt like I didn't measure up and that's probably why his mom liked his ex girlfriend more.

[Charlie Boy II]

My mum has always scared the shit out of my girlfriends. But then she's sweet as pie to the guys my sister brings home. It's a weird dynamic.

[Lipp]

Is he financially dependent on his mother or something? Because frankly I can't see why he doesn't bring anything up, be it her cooking or this relationship, if it wasn't to spare the provision something similar to food and lodging, like a teenage guy with no choice would have to do.