Part 2, Now I'm getting mad!

[shh!]

Did you all see that Hugo Pickle has been banned? Only temporary, though...

[whaywardj]

...Now as much as I love him and I'm happy we can work things out, I'm distgusted knowing why he did it and where his thought process was the whole time this was going on. There's other things I'm worried about as well but I have to deal with them one at a time.

He didn't find out about the interview until today and was totally surprised and a little taken back that i got things in line so quick. But nothing has changed there..I'm still doing everything I decided whether he's around or not!

Good for you. FWIW, for the next little while, I'd be wary about him and alert to what's motivating me, but not complaining or blaming. Now might be a good time to go REAL deliberately from one thing to the next without talking about anything a lot, or trying to sort out who did what to who, when. Just maintain and continue developing your center and invite him in where he can fit without throwing you off-balance. Where he can't fit without unbalancing you, well, that'll be something he'll have to work on...with your help, as long as helping doesn't cause you lose focus on your own centering. The best help might be to just remain unjudgmental about him or yourself. Try to let the water go under the bridge and meet each other anew. It seems in the time you've been together you've each pushed the envelope sufficiently to know your respective limits. Now that you've tested them, I'd say it's time for each of you to start respecting them. Doesn't matter if you like them or not. They come with the person you chose. And, in any case, they do change. But only in the fullness of time after abiding by one another.

[Tone]

Isn't it crazy how we can sit back and give tons of good advice to everyone here, but then when we find ourselves in similar situations - all logic goes out the door?

I think it's interesting to see. (Hey I'm guilty of this, too)

[gHEXjt]

Isn't it crazy how we can sit back and give tons of good advice to everyone here, but then when we find ourselves in similar situations - all logic goes out the door?

I think it's interesting to see. (Hey I'm guilty of this, too)

I've been thinking the exact same thing lately Tone. It's easy to tell someone else what to do, but an entirely different thing to do it yourself. But that's life, ain't it grand?

[Rosebud]

Thank you Hayward, and everyone. And yes I agree 100% Tone! It's hard to look outside the box when your emotions are all scrambled and mixed up in your own situation.

You know, this is weird for a couple of reasons. Since he has come home, he has had nothing but problems. For instance, the problem with our other vehicle, and now he may get laid off the end of the month. In my mind I'm looking at it as though this is his guardian angel or whatever kicking him in the ass for doing what he did out of anger to hurt us. I believe things come back to you, and although I can support him in his decisions, they are not mine they are his. These are directly affecting him (and his job affects us both but you know what I mean) and the things he can control he has to take care of for him to learn he can't get away with the childish things done to other people. He has called me every second of the day and apologized for all this and he is having a hard time, but he should..not that I like seeing him upset but how else will he learn to get through things by standing on his own two feet and confronting them head on? He is putting his resume out everywhere and I mean to everyone he knows and every job available right now. I am as well but not for the same reasons.

And yes Clynn, we do love each other very much and I think both of us will grow from all of this. Both made mistakes, and both are working hard to get where we want to be.

Hayward I appreciate your post and That's exactly what I'm doing right now and will continue to do. All things happen for a reason and even though we both made mistakes you have to realize why those happened and make sure they never do again. We know what we want, now's the time to do it!

And by the way..... we can stop posting in my other thread and just use for reference!!
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t11602-my-relationship-is-over.html[/url]

[Tone]

It really is hard. But sometimes you have to just take yourself out of your own shoes, and look at your situation from an outside point of view - just to give yourself another perspective on the situation.

But I think you handled it quite well, RoseB - at first you were a mess - but once you calmed down you were fully ready to face the responsibilities of moving on, without him. Now the real question is - what, if anything, are you going to do to regain your indepenence, so that *IF* something like this happens again - you're not left all alone with your daughter with no job, no vehicle, no money, no where to go, etc~

[vashti]

Emptying the bank account of the money we needed to feed my daughter so he could go spend so frivolously would be one more mistake than I would be willing to tolerate. If I want to, I can be poor without any help from a man at all.

I guess you are just nicer than me Rosebud.

[Rosebud]

Yes your right Tone and that's what I'm doing right now. I ahve had an account for our daughter since she was born that only I had access to which I'm glad I did. And the vehicle was gone from Thursday night to friday afternoon...But even still.

It's no that I'm nicer..it's like Hayward said we both tested differnet waters of our relationship and now that we know what they are and what not to do..we are to make sure it never happens again by knowing we truly respect one another and we want to be with each other... I can tell you though, this is the last time I will go through something like this (not saying it won't happen, but I won't put up with it again). And it's not all his fault, I'm to balme for some as well. So if this does happen again, it will be the last.

[Tone]

I can tell you though, this is the last time I will go through something like this (not saying it won't happen, but I won't put up with it again). And it's not all his fault, I'm to balme for some as well. So if this does happen again, it will be the last.

That's what they all say, RoseB.

:]

[Rosebud]

This is true!

And I can't say for sure I guess, but I do know how I felt this time and I was prepared to walk away and do what I needed to do, so if it were to happen again I know I would feel the same if not stronger after having already been there before! There's only so many things one can take on before it's not considered a mistake anymore!

[Rosebud]

You know it's wierd the past couple days I have had a lot on my mind obviously and haven't been getting much sleep so i didn't realize it at first, but there are some little things I'm noticing that he wasn't doing before.

He's picking up after himself more often, cleaning things up right away if he makes a mess, helping me out when he sees me get frustrated, and he's going almost completely out of his way to tell me every little detail about his day and how he feels about all the things going on.

I know this is a good thing, and I know how things can revert back fairly quickly but he has never reacted this way before. He has even told me almost every day that he has created this whole mess for himself.

He has also since started getting serious about moving out of state. His job is not stable right now and may be laid off next month as I ahd mentioned and he's reaching out to all his work related contacts, and some not to look out of michigan. He also said he wants to do this to get away from all the people down here because they don't have the same values as we do (kids, marriage, etc..) which I ahve known for awhile but I can't help think he wants to run away, even if it would be a good thing for us, it may make things more complicated if something like this were to happen in the future.

Oh well, I'm just going with the flow and taking each day as it comes and working on all the things I have to do which has totally lifted my self-esteem and confidence tremendously!

[clynn]

Well, Rosebud, this should probably be more accurately titled "Part 3"... shouldn't it. A new beginning of sorts. Babysteps, babysteps.

Funny how he seems to be more aware and sensitive around you now. Even after he got mad and took off, you were the one waiting at home for him. And now he's softpeddling around you.

Well, good, it must feel good. At least a little bit.

And who knows? Maybe a change or move would be good if you've got a lot of history where you are at? Maybe it'd be good to go somewhere where you start off together as a strong united couple....? Would you be moving far from your family? Course having a good stable job is a good reason to move.

[Lloyd95]

Wait, now you two are back together? and living together? Geesh, miss a couple days here at LF and I'm Noob status.

[Tone]

It's not funny or suprising AT ALL - of course he's going to be on his best behavior for awhile. He knows he just ****ed up big time.

We'll see in a couple weeks if he's still actin the same way, just watch.

[Lloyd95]

It's not funny or suprising AT ALL - of course he's going to be on his best behavior for awhile. He knows he just ****ed up big time.

We'll see in a couple weeks if he's still actin the same way, just watch.

Hold on, I'm so confused, I don't think he fvcked up big time ; I could think of thinkgs alot worse.