your definition of cheating??

[Wakeup]

if you came home one day and your partner was naked bouncing all over a man would you consider that cheating even if she said its okay he paid me $20. men have such double standards

This makes no sense when replying to what you replied to, "confusednow?"

[confusednow]

This makes no sense when replying to what you replied to, "confusednow?"

its a lapdance. i consider that sexual contact. griding, humping etc it dont matter where it happens whether its in a strip club, a bar, at home, on the street. its still someone else touching your partner in a sexual way for their sexual pleasure. i could make my man cum by sitting on him and doing that, cud make myself cum too. im not comfortable with the thought of him doing that with anyone but me. he wouldnt want to anyway-hes no interest in that

but for some reason the thought of other men thinking its ok and just expecting their partner to be cool with it really pisses me off.

most men would not be okay with another man doing any of that to his woman so y the hell do they think its ok for them to do it.

i just hate double standards. its not even my man im worried about-it just makes me mad when i think of anyone cheating on anyone

i dont no y it gets to me so much

[Wakeup]

This is what Am I Crazy said about lap dances:

Getting a lap dance could be borderline depending on the possible insecurities of your partner

that's not having a double standard. If he and his wife are fine with one or the other getting lap dances, then its fine *for them.* He said "depending on the possible "insecurities" of your partner. He has blind trust so I doubt he'd think his wife having an orgasm ground out of her by a male stripper would make him insecure lol afterall, he trusts that she still loves him.

[confusednow]

i bet he wouldnt be cool with his wife paying to look at naked men and have men grope her but expects her to be okay with him doing it.

and if not hell call her insecure but hes not lol

just pisses me off. one rule for him and another for her. lots of men think that way

[Wakeup]

Why would you bet that? Both my hubby and I have gone to visit strippers of the opposite sex and it didn't bother either of us. A girls night out to whoop it up and whistle and hoot at a nice round tanned ass what fun.

We often met up with our friends and the four of us would have a few beers and watch the female strippers at the local "peeler" club and then we'd walk upstairs to watch the men do the same Tit for Tat. The guys usually turned their heads when we were watching the male strippers though lol

Not everyone is totally possessive, overly jealous or has double standards, hon.

I didn't want him getting lap dances though because I can think of way better things to do with a $20.00 dollar bill then pay to get a grinding off. He could get those for free at home anyway pffft and lol.

[Am I crazy?]

HUh? where did you get that there was a double standard? My wife has been to plenty on "ladies nights" with her friends. If that's what she wants to do then that's fine. She is a big girl and knows right from wrong. In fact, I LOVE it when she comes home from ladies night, some other dude gets to get her all horney and I get the benefit. win, win for both of us

[Wakeup]

.

and if not hell call her insecure but hes not lol

Michelle, is that you?

that "hell" for "he'll" is awfully familiar.

[Am I crazy?]

I just said the same thing in another thread! lol!

[UnderTheMoon]

I think anything that makes you feel bad is cheating. I am the kind of woman where it is like this, Either I have all of you, or none of you, I don't do in betweens and I don't hold back. I think that if someone is even becoming to emotionally attached to someone of the opposite sex and is seeking ANY kind of comfort that he should be seeking with me, that is cheating, emotional cheating. If he lightly flirts, that's cheating because you know what, if you didn't have thoughts in the back of your mind, why would he flirt in the slightest to begin with? Everything has it's start and I feel like if they can start small it can go big. The fact is though it sounds like you are overthinking a lot. If you ever have a doubt, whether he tells you the truth or not, discuss it. I did that before, I told my ex "I don't think you would cheat on me, and god if you ever did it would break my heart and ruin me emotionally, but I will also get over it whether I am with you or not." Of course, I also in a jokingly way warned him he would lose his privates if he did but yeah. When you love someone you still have identity to uphold, and you do need to stay keen on that and that means loving yourself the way everyone else has said. Find that calm place inside and it will reflect on the rest of your life. Things happen, whether we want them to or not, you need to be stronger than the problem though. Not all men are bad, they have weakness but so do we as women. It's nothing you can't work out or work on.

[confusednow]

Michelle, is that you?

that "hell" for "he'll" is awfully familiar.

what? no i wouldnt troll. im being serious here. and i wouldnt care about him looking at strippers on a stag thats difrent.. im talking touchin here-lapdances and that sorta ting

[smackie9]

Michelle, is that you?

that "hell" for "he'll" is awfully familiar.

Ya makes me wonder too lol.

[confusednow]

I think anything that makes you feel bad is cheating. I am the kind of woman where it is like this, Either I have all of you, or none of you, I don't do in betweens and I don't hold back. I think that if someone is even becoming to emotionally attached to someone of the opposite sex and is seeking ANY kind of comfort that he should be seeking with me, that is cheating, emotional cheating. If he lightly flirts, that's cheating because you know what, if you didn't have thoughts in the back of your mind, why would he flirt in the slightest to begin with? Everything has it's start and I feel like if they can start small it can go big. The fact is though it sounds like you are overthinking a lot. If you ever have a doubt, whether he tells you the truth or not, discuss it. I did that before, I told my ex "I don't think you would cheat on me, and god if you ever did it would break my heart and ruin me emotionally, but I will also get over it whether I am with you or not." Of course, I also in a jokingly way warned him he would lose his privates if he did but yeah. When you love someone you still have identity to uphold, and you do need to stay keen on that and that means loving yourself the way everyone else has said. Find that calm place inside and it will reflect on the rest of your life. Things happen, whether we want them to or not, you need to be stronger than the problem though. Not all men are bad, they have weakness but so do we as women. It's nothing you can't work out or work on.

thank you for ur response. its good to know someone shares my view on things. i no its irrational and its all in my head. i dont no how to get bac to normal and feel like me again. i hate worrying so much and bein paranoid. i was never like this before. i got some really good advice from michelle. i pm her 2 or 3 weeks ago and she said something like we cant control what others around us do, we can only control our own behaviour and if someone hurts us, we can hold our heads high coz we aint done nothing wrong and just walk away and find someone better which makes a lot of sense. im not afraid of getting hurt. its living a lie that scares me and not knowing the truth. i can handle pain-just dont wana be lied to

[smackie9]

Let me guess....you think him looking a porn is cheating too.....

[stev123]

thank you for ur response. its good to know someone shares my view on things. i no its irrational and its all in my head. i dont no how to get bac to normal and feel like me again. i hate worrying so much and bein paranoid. i was never like this before. i got some really good advice from michelle. i pm her 2 or 3 weeks ago and she said something like we cant control what others around us do, we can only control our own behaviour and if someone hurts us, we can hold our heads high coz we aint done nothing wrong and just walk away and find someone better which makes a lot of sense. im not afraid of getting hurt. its living a lie that scares me and not knowing the truth. i can handle pain-just dont wana be lied to

Okay, so if I'm in a relationship and she's not around and I jack off to porn is that cheating...honestly? Or if I flirt with other women just for the fun of it, is that cheating? Please I think you're nice Michelle, but I guess something must have happened to cause you to be this insecure, did you just break up or something?

[confusednow]

Let me guess....you think him looking a porn is cheating too.....

no i dont consider that cheating. i dont think id care bout that but he rarely ever watches it. its only if one of his pals sends him something-he might have a look and laugh at it. he looked up women masturbating to dildos once coz i made him paranoid when i passed a joke sayin im gettin one and he was scared he was gonna be replaced and wondered whats so good about them. in general he doesnt like porn. he never had much interest in it and only looks stuff up to get new tips occasionally-normally an article though or something educational.