The Girlfriend wants space

[smackie9]

Well, kudos to Smackie for calling this one. Too bad. I was hoping she wasn't right about the cheating.

Now that there is some proof of her cheating, you need to figure out if her asking for space was really remorse or if she was seeing this guy and there is more to the story. In this context, "I need space" can also mean "I need time to think about what I did so I can craft my story..."

Is there someone else you can ask about the party? Someone who won't lie for her?

Meantime, I suggest *you* ask for space. From her. Let her stew in it for a while, it will be good for her.

I think she needed space to decide who she wanted to be with.

[smackie9]

I agree with you Indi I was hoping I was wrong too. It is too bad that it did turn out that way. It's a punch in the gut for him.

[wintersend]

the crazy thing is i dont feel bad at all now i have found out , it just seems like a bad dream.

I have a few meetings to keep my mind occupied and have had loads of offers to go out , so i am getting out there

[IndiReloaded]

Indi, what more does he need to find out? What good will asking someone else about the party do?

Well, you are probably right, given her whole concocted store about her family and all. I suppose I don't consider kissing someone the same level of offense as sleeping with them. Perhaps someone at the party can tell him which it really was. Its possible she really does feel bad about what she did. But she does seem rather silly, both for what she did and how she went about handling it. 'Young and dumb' would apply here.

[wintersend]

'Young and dumb' would apply here.

Spot on.

I have spoken with her, she seems really confused, well she told me she is confused with everything that has gone on with us , her family troubles and the fact she cheated.

I gave no sympathy I am treating this as a hard break and see what comes out of it.

[MrHV]

Well, he asked for a woman's POV. I think some women would view a complete cutting of ties as a kind of abandonment. It isn't consistent with a 3 year relationship w/people who care about each other.

This isn't about 'well, I'm giving you what you asked for!'. That kind of argument won't hold water if they do get back together later. Your response, Stung, is almost too extreme and suggests punishing her. If part of her feelings is b/c of the stress of her family, then some compassion *while still giving her the space she requested* is entirely appropriate.

Saying something like "I'm going to give you the space you need, but do know I am here for you if you need it", is actually very mature and full of confidence.

I agree, as one of the things that I've learned in my life is that it's important to simply expect the best from the person you love. That may mean you will have to maintain a positive expectation as proof that you truly love her. Plus, if you already know that it's true and all signs point to expecting the best, you have absolutely no reason not to have a positive expectation. You've a good thing going for you bro, much love and God bless

[eddiedelgado]

This sounds not so good. Either she wants to brake up with you or she already meets another men. I would ask her straight whats going on... are you seeing somebody else.

[HeartIsAching]

Well she turned up at my house last night and we went out for a drive and she broke down and "said i am sorry i have been so stupid" i said why and she said that she kissed a guy from work and that why she has been distant with me because of the guilt , it was at a work party on her birthday and she was quite drunk, she broke down crying saying how sorry she is and the way she has been acting because of the guilt she felt , and she assured me that it meant nothing.

So what do i do now she has begged me for forgiveness , or is it better that we go our separate ways

Ask yourself this:

If she kissed a guy that meant nothing to her, what does that mean you mean to her?

[dickriculous]

First of all I call bullshit on her "just kissing" him. Not that it matters to me, because if it were me I would break up with her either way.

I've said before many, many times and I'll say it again. "I need space" is a roundabout feminine way of saying "some other dude (or multiple dudes) has been going balls deep in this ass and I'm trying to figure out how to make a clean break from you without you finding out". Exceptions exist but they are not the norm.

But she is unimportant now, what's important is you. I'm loathe to say that being cheated on is ever the victim's fault but let's face it, whatever problems she had were being exacerbated by your insecurity and clinginess. And I'm telling you that no man is ever this insecure and clingy in a relationship unless he has very little going for him in life outside of the relationship. If I sound like a dick I'm sorry but I believe this is what you need to hear.

Somewhere along the line you basically lost control of your life to her. I don't know exactly what went wrong but here are my best guesses.

1) You had a distorted image of this girl and totally lost sight of the fact that she was never any better than any girl you are capable of picking up.

2) Somewhere inside you feel insecure because you had this belief on some level of consciousness that you cannot do any better than her, or that if she left you it would be impossible to fill the void that she left. This also stems from your distorted perception of her, but it also has to do with a lack of confidence in yourself. Why would you have such a lack of confidence? What would it take to make you believe in yourself more? To view yourself as the one to be desired?

3) You do not have a strong enough passion for life itself. You surrendered control of your own life in favor of your desire for her which inhibited your ability to experience all of the other great things life has to offer, which is inherently anti-seductive.

4) Some combination of the above (most likely imo)

Bro, what are you passionate about in life? What gives you a reason to get out of bed and make it a productive day? What gives you a sense of purpose in life? If you don't know then you need to find out. Get out there and ENJOY it. Life is full of wonders and the more of them you explore and the more you fulfill your passions, the less you find the need for this kind of obsessive attachment to anyone or anything. This is how YOU take control of your life. And as a nice little side effect, this type of man makes women salivate at the mere thought of him.

One way or another, the bottom line is she became your crutch for happiness at some point. And that's what fukked you. It would've fukked you one way or another if you were with a non cheater too. The most important question that has to be answered right now is...why did you need a crutch?